What Would Eve Do?

My Post-Korea Experience: Travel and Writing

2012-01-25T18:02:00.001+09:00

Last night, something very important happened: I saw someone, in real life, that I knew from Korea. We'd only hung out a few times but kept in touch via Facebook. She's on her winter break and it so happened that we were in the same city at the same time and I spent a great evening with her.

It is always one of the best experiences in the world: To have a conversation with someone who has gone through similar things, and for that person to say to you, "I understand."

I wrote about this very thing several months ago. A coworker asked me what advice I gave my students when they told me about their problems (family, boyfriends, menstruation, friendship problems). I didn't give much advice. The only thing my students needed, really, was in some cases a hug and eye contact, and these words:

I understand.

During the past couple of months of traveling, I've met great people. I've met some not-so-great people, too. I've kept in touch with friends and family the usual ways. It has so far been a great adventure.

Where In the World Is Eve?

At this very moment, I am sitting in my peaceful guest house. I just had a late lunch at a local rice and vegetable stand. I think I'm going to take a nap and then maybe go get a massage before diving back into one of my current writing projects. I've been making plans for my next destination.

I think I've said everything I needed to say on this blog regarding bloggers in Korea who hated me. I think. I make no promises. But I think I'm purged.

I have a new blog that I've been writing in about my post-Korea experiences. It has a very low readership (so far has been only open to Facebook friends) and I would like to keep it that way -- I do not sprinkle that link around to anyone outside of Facebook. I do not link to anyone, either.

If you would like to read my new blog about my new life and what I've been up to these past couple of months (as I have been working through everything I went through in Korea), here is what you can do:

Easy Steps to Find My New Blog

1. Drop a line in the comment box with your email address and I will send you the link.
2. Don't worry - your comment will not be published if you only send your email address. It will only be seen by me so I can send you the link. (If you just want to leave a regular comment here, that's okay, too.)
3. Identify yourself in the comment box with your name, or at least a good alias. Or at the very least - friend or foe? No foes, please.
4. Please don't link to the new blog on your blogroll, or send it out to the masses, or send it out to people who hate me. I'll trust that you won't. The new blog is not locked; it is public, but it is not in Google's search engines.

And here are a few pictures of my travels, so that you know that while I did spend the last few weeks angrily getting out my revenge issues and negotiating with lawyers and professionals and so forth, working through my rage, "working through my feelings," as they say ... I did manage, over the last couple of months, to see and do some pretty amazing things.

My adventure is not over -- actually, not even close. I do have to thank Korea for paying me a good wage. And I'm grateful that in my previous career, I learned how to do geeky revenue-earning website stuff.

I do not know when I will return to TEFL or a "real job." Eventually, I will.

But these days (when I am not being vengeful), I'm simply minding my bank accounts, doing touristy things like hiking to waterfalls and climbing over temples and taking pictures of Buddha statues, and taking things one 30-day visa at a time.

For K-Bloggers, Tumblr is Circle-Jerk Friendly! (And Plus, "White Racism" Doesn't Exist)

2012-01-22T01:05:00.004+09:00

Ahhhh. God, I feel better! Last night it rained. Today I made plans for the the next portion of my vacation.

And I see people have finally taken what I said to heart.

"If you're so outraged by what I say and you just can't stand to see ignorance and hatred in the world ... go donate your time, and your money somewhere. Write letters to politicians. Do something else. But attack me on my blog? That's kinda lame. I don't attack people on their personal blogs and I try to refrain from engaging in pissing matches on other people's blogs out of respect for the blogger....
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/03/foreign-men-and-korean-women-episode_29.html

I run across blogs that personally offend me all the time. Sometimes, I run across a post that is so "ugly" that I just stop following it and stop reading. Why waste time getting into a pointless battle online with someone I don't even know? 'Course, I can't expect everyone to act like me! Can't expect everyone to do what I do.

That's right, circle-jerkers. Read and then move the fuck on.

Here's what I think happens: you get some guy or girl who wasn't much where they came from. They get to Korea and all of a sudden, they've kind of got some power. Then they wield it around the internet. Suddenly, on the basis of having lived no more than a few years in Korea (one of the most modern countries in the world; it's not like they're actually living in some third-world village somewhere, hiking daily for water -- no, they're living quite comfortable, middle-class lives) they decide that they are experts, and they start to prey (that's right - PREY) on bloggers they feel are weaker than they are. The ones that don't appear on anyone's Top Ten list. The ones that don't go around tabulating how many Korean guys/girls they've fucked. The ones who don't eat that kimchi bullshit every fucking day when someone's trying to shove it down our throats.

Whatever they say goes. They say something is good - well damn, it MUST be good. They said so. Something's not good? It must be not good at all! They said so.

http://roboseyo.tumblr.com/post/11345911512/aaaand-another-blogger-turns-to-the-dark-side

Note to the author: Next time, shut the fuck up, get back on that high horse you ride, and go along being the white savior the K-blogosphere loves. Do not pay any attention to me at all, because the next thing I know, the tumblr circle jerk is in high attack mode, making ugly assumptions and so forth. They all love you. Any blogger who somehow can't bring him or herself to suck your dick is gonna pay for that. You've made that clear. Link to things you actually like. If you don't like what you see, try to not send your minions after that blogger. Go back to being the King of the circle-jerk. It's where you belong. Try to uh ... use your powers more wisely.

http://kissmykimchi.tumblr.com/post/11351332981/aaaand-another-blogger-turns-to-the-dark-side

Note to this author: Man, are you DUMB! I kept saying I didn't understand this fucking culture, and when I started to understand what Koreans mean by "culture" I decided I didn't like it at all. Fucking dumb.

Dear Kiss My Kimchi - Kiss my fucking ass. How many hours do you spend circle-jerking on Tumblr? Is it more than three hours a night? I bet it is! That's where you get your validation. I really pity you. From what you wrote, I can tell you don't have much going on in your life other than circle-jerking, which doesn't surprise me, given your ignorant and stupid assumptions about me. Go fuck yourself. If you have a blog, you want attention and you got it from me. And it's just pure hatred of YOU. So that's not really healthy on your part.

I had plenty of people to "occupy my time" with -- assumptions, assumptions, assumptions. WHY are you people so stupid?

And don't call me "girl."

http://coffeejusayo.tumblr.com/post/11346229646

Note to author: First, go fuck yourself. And actually, your circle-jerk affected my life more than it should have, so congratulations on that! All I can do now is roll my eyes at you people. You're so pathetic. I've never ever encountered a dumber group of bloggers in my entire life.

And to soul-siren:
seoul-siren said: Hahaha, oh Eve. I pity her. Why does she blog and allow comments if it bothers her so much to be disagreed with? Well, my theory is — she has nothing else really going for her but that attention. What a sad life.

Disagreement and trolling and insulting are all quite different things. You're a sad person, if your sad life includes leaving comments like this. Fuck you, too.

bbeogigayo-korea said: Eve is incredibly sexist, racist, and classist for someone who claims to be the exact opposite. No male could possibly have come to Korea for the culture? Really?! Why she re-signed (she is someone ‘with a pulse’ afterall) is beyond me.

Note to author: When you call me racist or sexist, you know that you're failing to make any kind of argument at all; those are just meaningless insults. You're probably racist and sexist and classist. I can tell by your comment, that you are totally fucking racist and sexist and classist already. If you'd fucking BOTHERED to read anything I wrote other than what your King told you to read, you'd have a pretty good idea of why I re-signed. But you didn't, 'cause you're dumb.

There Is NO Such Thing as Racism Against White People

Oh and guess what? I checked -- after I left Korea, I picked up a couple of books, read some stuff online -- and there is no such thing as "racism against white people." Not in Korea. Nope. Sorry to burst that little bubble you all had going for you, but you keep thinking from a white privilege perspective, which blinds you.

White people have no history of oppression in Korea; if anything ever happens negatively against you and you think it's because you're white -- you're wrong. And you're ignorant and stupid. It's because you're a foreigner. It's because you're not Korean.

White people love to play the race card in Korea. It's the first time they've ever experienced being a minority and so naturally (stupidly, ignorantly), they said, "Oh man, those Koreans are so RACIST against white people."

Actually not.

Racism and prejudice are two different things. Go look it up.

And now, K-blogosphere circle-jerkers, you may move the fuck on. Step away from my blog. Fuck off and die for all I care. Go suck each other off and eat your kimchi-flavored bullshit.

Oh, but if you're on my shit list, I would do exactly as you have been doing -- and keeping your fucking mouth shut when it comes to writing about me. Keep it firmly shut. Write it in your diary if you'd like, and hide it under your mattress where no one can see it.

Because if you fuck with me like those two bloggers fucked with me ... well, let's just say, I'm not in the forgiving mood. Let's just say that I will go farther than you'd ever dreamed!

I'm pretty sure I've purged myself clean. Pretty sure.

But you know, like some asshole motherfucker blogger once said, I'm pretty fickle. If I find myself bored in a month or two, who knows? I might make it my life's duty to troll and flame your blogs regularly. Kind of like I'm No Picasso and Burndog did to me. FOR MONTHS.

I might even make it my life's mission to hire attorneys to hunt you down and sue your sorry ass.

Who knows?

Who can tell the future?

The Importance of Kindness and Life Is Stew Vs. Fuck the High Road

2012-01-20T12:42:00.002+09:00

Like everyone else on the internet, I read Margaret Cho's fantastic essay about a couple of motherfuckers she encountered on Twitter. And I identified in so many ways. Not just with the body issue stuff (man, my co-teacher and principal in Korea really did a number on me -- I'm still working through that). But with this:

"Things I could say should be left unheard and unsaid because I am not willing to be the bigger person. I do not take the high road.... The best revenge is not living well. The best revenge is revenge." -- Margaret Cho

Early last year -- almost exactly one year ago, I wrote a couple of blog posts that explained my philosophy of life. They illustrated what I believed at the time.

Life Is a Pot of Stew

One of them was was titled, I think, "Life Is a Pot of Stew." I explained that while I did not believe in "karma" as it's popularly and (incorrectly) referred to by a lot of people, what I believed is that we are all connected. We all have to eat the same pot of stew. And so it makes sense to only put in good stuff, stuff that you'd want to eat (like love, kindness, acceptance, forgiveness) because then, when it's your turn to take a scoop of stew, you are more likely to have the good stuff. This seemed logical to me, and I believed it for a long time: it's my job to put in lots of good stuff into that stew! Because after all, I've got to eat it too.

I have lost my faith in that philosophy. Because there will always and forever be people who put nothing but the ugliest shit in that stew, and whatever good stuff I put in is microscopic. Plus, since I'm human, I can't help but put bad stuff in the stew unintentionally, and that probably negates whatever good stuff I put in.

Sometimes, I choose to put bad stuff in the stew. Things like hatred of certain individuals and absolute disgust of people who are just plain stupid.

The reason why I put up with the K-blogosphere bullshit for about eight months or so was because I did try to take the high road. And I didn't like it.

In Korea, I met so, so, SO many people who just could not be called anything other than scum. Real fuckers. People who were flat-out racist and sexist and evil and mean and cruel and elitist. Both online and offline, I encountered more people I came to despise than I have anywhere else in my entire life. And that includes high school, college, and Los Angeles. I have come to believe that there is a special type of person who goes to live in Korea, and that there is higher likelihood of that person being an asshole than in other parts of the world. I'm not talking about Koreans -- I had gripes with only two Koreans (my principal and my head co-teacher, and that really only came at the end). But throughout my entire time in Korea, I met assholes at every corner. It was amazing.

And so I am now taking the low road. And I feel better.

All those years of being told to "just ignore people like that," and "you know they're suffering inside!" and all that shit ... it turned out to be a load of crap. I knew this inside, and thus refused to back down or be talked down to ... but it was only recently that I began to purposely, with intent, take the low road with bloggers in Korea, and I don't feel bad about it at all.

It feels pretty goddamn fucking good.

I've changed.

I feel nothing but pity for the person I was when I stepped off the plane in Korea for the first time. I was so naive and perky and open-hearted. I skipped around, and wanted to make friends with everyone, and was all bubbly and excited and happy. Within a few months, that girl was gone. It took several instances of being insulted, disrespected, and meeting the most insanely racist, sexist and classist people to kill that bubbly, super-friendly girl. In her place was a woman who chose her company very carefully. Who chose the people she hung out with very cautiously. Who was no longer inclined to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.

And then that woman encountered bloggers in Korea. Just when she thought she'd seen it all.

The Importance of Choosing Kindness

I also wrote a blog post entitled "The Importance of Kindness." At the time I wrote that, I truly, truly believed that my own happiness was in part based on how I chose to treat others. Some things happen that I cannot truly call a choice because it happens so instantaneously, it doesn't feel like a choice.

For example, let's say someone insults me and I instantly say, "Fuck you, you motherfucker!" It came out without me even thinking about it; so that wasn't a conscious choice.

But let's say that someone insults me and I am not in a place, for whatever reason, of actually responding.

When I do respond, I then have a choice.

And I always believed, for most of my adulthood, that it was both my responsibility to choose kindness and that it was imperative for my own well-being. If I purposely chose to be an asshole, if I did it on purpose, with malice, I felt that it was immoral, unethical and above all, self-defeating. I believed that even if I was wronged, it was STILL my duty to be kind. Whenever I failed at being kind to assholes, I felt like a jerk. When I insulted someone -- even an asshole! -- accidentally, or, occasionally, on purpose, I would kick myself. I would think, "What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I sink to their level?" I truly believed that.

I don't believe that anymore.

Because starting a few weeks ago, when I began "taking people to task" via the low road, I saw that it actually helped. I felt it. Just as sure and true as I felt freedom once I was in flight out of Korea, I felt freedom once I started blogging about the motherfuckers on the K-blogosphere.

Taking the high road -- or, at least, trying like hell, trying the best I could -- to take the high road -- it left me feeling like a goddamn doormat. Like -- why the FUCK did I put up with that BULLSHIT for so long? Why did I not tell people right from the very get-go to go FUCK themselves?

And so, I have changed. I am not the type of person who will choose kindness to people who are cruel to me. I will not even try anymore; I no longer believe that it is immoral or unethical or crucial to my well-being to be nice to people who don't deserve it. To take the high road with people who have sunk to incredibly low roads when it comes to me -- both as a person in real life and as the person who writes this blog -- no longer makes any sense to me AT ALL.

I no longer believe that I have any responsibility to put ONLY good stuff in that stew. Because, let's face it -- no matter how much good stuff any of us put in that pot, when it comes time to take our scoop, we're still going to get a lot of shit.

I think that my time in Korea -- both in real life and in the incredibly stupid "K-blogosphere" -- really changed me. Was it for the better? I'm feeling better, that's for sure. I was not fully aware of the damage that was being done to my well-being in Korea; it was easy to live there, I loved my job, loved my apartment, had friends. I was not aware that the things that happened to me in Korea -- some stuff so VERY painful, I didn't even write about them on this blog -- were actually destroying me. Crushing me slowly. It's only been since I left Korea, that I feel so free, that I am actually coming to terms with what really happened during those 14 months. And, specifically, the eight or so months I spent pointlessly battling with extremely stupid bloggers in Korea.

So, did my time in Korea make me a better person? I don't think so. I think I have become much more hardened, much more cynical, much less trusting, much, MUCH less likely to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. But maybe it didn't make me a "better person" in the way we usually think of the word, but it made me better for me. I will not make the mistake of trying to be a good person to asshole motherfuckers. I will no longer make the mistake of just "ignoring" people who insult me or mean me harm. If the low road is available, and a person has taken the low road with me, I am not going to choose to take the high road.

If someone is rude to me or insults me, and says, "This is just our culture, which you clearly do not understand," I'm going to tell that person to go fuck themselves and say, "You're hiding behind your culture to mask the fact that you're an asshole. And even if it is your culture, I still don't give a shit. Fuck you." (Of course, I am only likely to say this if I'm in a country or culture where I will not immediately be murdered for saying such things.)

A Little Side Note

When I started taking those two bloggers to task (GOD, I love that phrase!), I noticed they started posting these things about how grateful they are for their family and their friends and their loved ones, how THAT'S what really matters in life! "I love my friends! I have the best friends in the world! I have the best family in the world!"

So, let me take this opportunity to say -- I do, too. I have the most wonderful and supportive group of friends and a couple of family members who are fantastic in more ways than I can count. I'm especially grateful to them during this current voyage I'm on. The friends who cheer me on when I post links on Facebook. The ones who come to my rescue when I need them on Skype or email.

I just got off of Skype with a loved one. When I talked about my recent online activities, specifically comments left on that one bitch's blog, and my last blog post, they laughed and said this: "Good for you! You're standing up for yourself. And that's a GOOD thing."

Aaaaaaaaand Another Blogger Is Feeling Vengeful

2012-01-19T22:30:00.001+09:00

If you ever left a threat on this blog -- but, actually, specifically, if you are one of those two that really went out of their way to fuck with me, troll me, stalk me, threaten me and more ... I promise you this: You will regret the day you began to fuck with me.

Because not only do I know about SEO and keywords -- I'm very familiar with Korean defamation laws. Have been in contact with quite a few people. Lawyers, other professionals, etc.

Yeah. You kinda made a mistake in fucking with me.

Just saying. :)

You just didn't read enough of my blog.

You just had no idea how far I'd go to right a wrong.

Burndog and I'm No Picasso: A Match Made in Bully Hell

2012-01-10T20:19:00.002+09:00

Fuck You, Matt (Burndog)

So. Let me address, once again, the problem with Matt "Burndog."

There I was. Out of Korea. On to my adventure. Trying to heal from the pain of what happened my last couple of weeks at my job in Korea. Hadn't even heard from Matt in weeks. I'd thought our little spat was over.

But it wasn't for him!

He started writing a whole series about me.

Like I said, at first, the attention was flattering, though the commentary wasn't.

But then the posts grew more and more psychotic.

And then he started making bizarre and false claims about me, namely:

1. I was writing from outside of Korea using my old Korean IP address. (This was, of course, false. The guy is OBSESSED with tracking the IP addresses that visit his blog and in some cases, this leads to a little bit of confusion on his part. No wonder; his brain is quite a jumbled mess, given what he wrote about me, others, and his general writing style).

2. I was making anonymous comments in support of myself on my own blog. This was false; I have never made an anonmyous comment on my own blog.

3. That I was making anonymous questions/comments through his formspring, pretending to be someone else. Again, this was false, because Matt "Burndog" cannot keep his numbers straight.

And then came even more crazy bullying bullshit stalker-like behavior:

4. He began to subtly threaten to reveal personal information about me, implying that he knew people who know me in real life.

And then came the final, most FUCKED-UP, and most illegal shit of all:

5. He falsely accused me of writing an email to a journalist about him.

And that is where I drew the line.

Like I said -- you want to write fucked-up shit about me? Fine. You want to write total fucking lies? I'm not cool with that.

Then, it's lawyer time. Along with other professionals (namely, the ones who track all your activity on your computer to find out what exactly you're doing. Were you writing about me at work? Tsk, tsk!)

But HERE is what I find really distasteful.

After he had his fun (and really, he only began attacking me after what happened here:
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/10/what-would-fucktards-do.html

Yes, this OUTRAGE came from a guy who had MULTIPLE anonymous blogs that had the SOLE purpose of "slagging" people off, calling them cunts and fucktards and all that nonsense. )

He actually called ME a nutcase. (Or a "nutjob." He's deleted the entire blog in which he wrote that about me.) He wrote that he was going to stay away from me because I was clearly a nutcase (or nutjob); I can't remember the exact insult he used.

But anyways, let's see.

Did I create multiple blogs with the sole purpose of insulting people? Nope, that would be Matt.
Did I have imaginary conversations with an imaginary person named "Dave"? Nope, that would be Matt.
Did I fucking STALK people on the internet and threaten them? Nope, that would be Matt.
Did I make up crazy fucking LIES about people? Nope, that would be Matt.

And I'm the nutjob?

Unlike Liz, who obviously hated me but made no threats against me (unless you count a comment she made on one of Matt's numerous "Burndog" blogs saying that she would write lies about me, too, since she obviously believed whatever devious things Matt said about me, because she's evil like that) -- unlike Liz, Matt actually scared me: http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-closed-blog-because-burndog-is.html

He freaked me the fuck out: http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/11/burndog-is-freaking-me-out.html

And since I had just left Korea and was in a bit of an uncertain point in my life, it did not occur to me until a few days later to contact lawyers to get him the hell off my back.

Perhaps it worked; I don't see two of his blogs online anymore. Perhaps he finally got it through his head that defaming people online and mainly, spreading fucking LIES about people is totally illegal.

I don't believe in censorship, but what I do believe is what has been said by people much smarter than I am: with freedom of speech comes responsibility. As bloggers, we should adhere to certain ethical standards.

I made ONE mistake -- months ago -- by writing that anonymous comment about Liz on one of Matt's Burndog blogs. And I even apologized for it. And came clean.

But that was not good enough for those two, and they tried to destroy me, and when I closed my blog down because I could no longer tolerate their shit, it felt like I'd been silenced. And in the context of a long, long line of women (and yes, minority women) who have been silenced, I was just not going to put up with that SHIT any longer.

After a couple of months away from Korea and all the stuff I went through there, I finally gained enough strength to address these issues. Specifically with Liz and Matt.

And I'm finally starting to feel a whole lot fucking better about things.

You see, Matt -- you get off on being a "cunt" or "fucktard" or whatever childish words you use to justify that you're an asshole.

Matt has one main problem (besides that fact that he's a psychotic stalker who can't track IP addresses correctly and is a liar on top of that). Namely -- he loves fucking people over. "Slagging" them off.

But can't stand it when it comes around back to him.

Fuck You, Liz (I'm No Picasso)

Liz does feminism a disservice when she goes around insulting people in the name of feminism. Over the past week or two, I have documented the abuse and hate she aimed at me and this blog. For no particular reason at all except that we disagreed on one issue, and from then on, she spent the next six months or so reading my blog, making evil comments and so forth.

She does all women a disservice when she has seemingly bought into the idea that to be a feminist means to take on stereotypical man-like qualities (like being a bully). Probably (I do hate to make assumptions, but I dealt with her quite a bit) someone in her life told her that she was not a victim, and that she should "be a man."

Funny how we tell people to "Be a man." Maybe we should tell men to "Be a woman."

But nah, that's stupid. 'Cause I know a hell of a lot more men who are smarter and kinder and more open-minded and not as much of a crazed bitch as Liz.

Liz goes around like some crazed "feminist" savior/defender of all Korean/Foreigner relationships, even if she literally does not know WHO or WHAT the fuck she is talking about.

It's just an excuse for her to troll blogs and leave flaming comments, make REALLY STUPID assumptions about people and in general, pat herself on the back every day. While someone like me wonders how the hell she sleeps at night.

Her claims of feminism and "taking people to task" are just masks to hide the fact that she LOVES bullying people. It makes her feel better about herself.

Liz is still young enough to believe that she knows everything. And people who think they know everything generally know pretty much nothing.

Fuck You Both

I wish I had told this to both of them a long time ago. But now is as good a time as any.

Fuck you, Liz. Fuck you and fuck off. Grow up, listen instead of talking so damn much, and stop fucking attacking everyone who does not think exactly like you. Because THAT is what close-minded means. Stay the fuck away from me. You are not worth it. You're a child.

Fuck you, Matt. Fuck you for scaring me and stalking me and posting lies about me. Stay the fuck away from me. You're an idiot. Do not fuck with me ever again.

I swear, I am fucking ASHAMED that I ever read, commented, or tried to become blogger friends with those two.

They make huge contributions to the fact that the whole Korean expat blogosphere is often an extremely hostile place.

Coming Soon

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I still have just a few bloggers left to take to task.

I wish I would have done this a long time ago, but I COULDN'T have done it a long time ago. It was too raw, too fresh, and too goddamn painful for me to deal with. Not to mention that I had a personal and professional life that I was also juggling, parts of which were also painful.

But here, on my extended vacation, I finally feel like I've got enough distance to be able to say exactly what I should have said all those months ago.

Namely:

FUCK YOU

A Word About Korean Defamation Law

2012-01-08T00:02:00.003+09:00

Korean libel and slander laws are controversial. Very. You can be sued for just about anything if someone feels you have defamed them. However (as I've been told), telling lies is pretty much frowned upon and will be dealt with severely. You see, in the States, it's a civil matter. In Russia, it's a criminal matter (one may face jail time).

In Korea? It's a whole LOT of matters!

And that is why, if you are (like I was) planning to hire an attorney to file charges against someone for spreading false information about you (like Matt aka Burndog did in his numerous blog posts about me), it's important to:

1. Know what Korean law does and does not cover.

2. Contact several lawyers and other professionals involved with cracking down on cyber-bullying.

3. Research it for yourself. It will blow your mind. For instance, do you know what kinds of things of yours that can be confiscated while suit is pending?

A commentator recently left a rather stupid statement, that I "literally" had no understanding of how libel laws work.

Oh, but I do. I do, indeed.

I mean, really. Did you NOT read what I wrote about making assumptions about me?

For example, someone once defamed me on a blog (this was before Burndog -- he was not my first psychotic stalker/liar). And so I promptly contacted lawyers in the country we resided in, and the country where the blogger had citizenship, and two cease-and-desist letters later, she removed her blog from the internet.

(Criminal penalties in Russia are quite harsh, as you might imagine!)

It's a really good thing that Burndog removed those posts about me.

A really good thing for him.

And yet! I still count -- at least FIVE blog posts on his "What Would Fucktard Do" blog that reference me.

Hmmmmm.

Too bad I had to waste my time on wetcasements tonight.

What you have to understand about me is that I never, ever hire a lawyer, nor threaten legal action unless I am absolutely certain that I will win if the case goes to court. I don't take lawyers' words for it, even -- I conduct my own extensive research.

(Yeah -- not only do I like, totally know about keywords and SEO since I fucking WORKED in the SEO industry for years, but I also did QUITE a bit of internet research in my cubicle days! Got paid for it, even. Oh, you people are so clueless, it's astounding.)

Which is why I don't lose when I go to court.

Now, granted -- I've only sued two corporations. But I very nearly sued one individual, and she knew me personally, knew how far I'd go to right a wrong, and it was her good fortune that she did not get hauled in front of a judge, having to explain herself.

I took on the victim mentality for way too long with the K-blogosphere. Mean bullies! Just ignore them! Fuck 'em!

Yeah. Like I've said in the case of Liz of I'm No Picasso ... that didn't work.

"Taking the high road" made me feel like I'd been fucked with and took it face down.

I was not raised to put up with the type of bullshit I received from bloggers in Korea (namely those two).

I don't know what hell you bullies went through in childhood ... but if you were indeed abused and/or bullied ... repeating that cycle in adulthood is childish. Grow the fuck up. Go get yourself sorted out in therapy or something.

But, it could very well be that you all lived wonderful, privileged childhoods, with your every whim catered to, and just never encountered anyone who disagreed with you before.

Next up ... Burndog.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: There is something very, very wrong with the blogosphere in Korea.

And a special thank you to John.

Just a Few People Left to Take to Task!

2012-01-07T00:02:00.003+09:00

OK, far as I can tell, I have only three people left to take to task (four if you include an upcoming post on Matt/Burndog/Dave/Whatever).

No time tonight; blog posts coming soon.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then another blogger who was bullied and lied about and threatened and freaked out and shit on by the evil K-blogger mafia will take some time out to explain what is not understood by certain bloggers in Korea.

Namely: cyber-bullying is evil.

And what to do about it.

For instance, when I said I was going to contact an attorney, I wasn't kidding. You do NOT want to fuck with me when it comes to legal matters. Which is why, I'm certain, Matt aka Burndog took down most BUT NOT ALL of his posts about me.

You wouldn't BELIEVE what a Korean lawyer can do!

You wouldn't BELIEVE what they'd be willing to do, legally, for a certain fee.

You wouldn't BELIEVE what kind of online activity of yours they can track. We're talking about much more than stupid IP address tracking, which any moron can do.

And we're talking about much more than just losing your job because you wrote things you shouldn't have, and spread lies about people.

Much, much more.

Something for you all to think about before you go around spreading more lies online about bloggers you happen to disagree with.

Dear Grace: You Are Dumb.

2012-01-05T21:08:00.004+09:00

Regular readers know that about six months ago, I wrote about a particularly painful and personal event in my life. I wrote a whole series on it, and was glad for the most part because so many people emailed me to lend support and say, Oh god, how awful. But then I thought more about it, and became convinced that the reason why I'd written was because of this. Part one has been reinstated because it was on this particular post that a person who identified herself as "Grace" (but left no link to give me a clue as to who she was) left this comment that I did not publish.

Now, I hate to make assumptions! But could this POSSIBLY be the same "Grace" that Liz was talking about in this comment?

No matter! Here it is.

Grace's Stupid Comment (Apparently, she did not get my numerous memos about making dumb-ass assumptions.)

Eve,
I am probably one of those bloggers that you don't even find halfway interesting. Ouch. Just kidding, you're entitled to your opinion as I'm entitled to mine. Just thought I'd drop in and shed some light (maybe) on the whole cast party thing.

I grew up with theatre, I studied it in uni. Theatre people are crazy. Especially during a run. Cast parties ARE a big deal. Who you bring to a cast party is a big deal. And if he wasn't the one organizing it, it's very likely they were told that it was a closed party. When you're part of a piece, however small, however short, you connect with both the moment and the other actors. The cast party is the way for the cast and crew to let go, feel free, and say goodbye. It IS a personal thing, and if he felt that it was a closed party, then it was a closed party. The fact that most people didn't bring anyone else says something. You weren't part of the show. You weren't involved in the process. In uni, I dated a guy for 3.5years. I think I only took him to one or two cast parties that entire time. What I'm trying to say is, it doesn't seem like he meant to hurt you, or to disappoint you.

It seemed like you invited yourself. And then it bit you in the butt. And that sucks, it does. He, probably, could have been more understanding. Probably should have. But, it was a cast party. That you weren't invited to. And tried to go to. It's too bad this ended your relationship. He even said he sorta didn't want to go, that he wanted to be with you. And you weren't happy with that. I'm sorry you feel betrayed and hurt and destroyed, but I must say, if that's the worst that's happened to you in Korea, I'd probably be counting my blessings.

Sorry this was so long. Haha. Anyway, as a general rule, I don't date actors. Too much drama. Maybe now you'll feel the same.^^

-Grace

Dear Grace,

The reason why it's taken me so long to get back to you is because at the time you left this comment, I didn't have the energy to correct your numerous false assumptions. However, since time has passed, I am now able to mark this unresolved issue off.

1. I don't know who the hell you are, or which blog you write.

2. You assumed that I don't know about theater -- that I needed someone to "shed some light" on the situation. But actually, I know ~~plenty~~ (let me rephrase: I know enough), have had experience in theater myself. But perhaps when you read through my entire series, you realized that I, too, was involved in theater in college. Peripherally. I was good friends with one of the stage managers in the local theater group.

3. Perhaps at your university, you theater people were so stuck-up and elitist that you felt the need to exclude certain people. At my university theater group, we had no such elitism. Anyone and everyone was invited to the cast parties, even if they were not members of the cast. I was invited to every single damn cast party, even if I hadn't even GONE to the play! Because they were cool like that.

Not every theater group nor theater person is like you and the guy I dated.

4. We are not in university anymore. And thus, those childish "you're not invited because this is special" do not apply (or should not apply) when dealing with adults.

5. When you say "In uni, I dated a guy for 3.5years. I think I only took him to one or two cast parties that entire time." I think that means you were part of an elitist, pathetic group of losers who took themselves WAY too seriously. Also seems like you were a bit of an ass in doing that. Not surprised, since you seemed like a bit of an ass in leaving this comment. And again -- we're NOT in fucking university anymore. Neither were we on fucking Broadway.

6. "'It seemed like you invited yourself. And then it bit you in the butt." - That was a mean comment. Fuck you, too. Thanks for the salt-rubbing. 'Cause that's exactly what I needed at that time.

7. When you say, "I must say, if that's the worst that's happened to you in Korea, I'd probably be counting my blessings." this is so much ignorance on your part, I don't know where to start. How the fuck would you know what the worst thing was that had happened to me in Korea up until that point? Heartbreak not enough for you? Should I be counting my blessings that I wasn't a starving refugee, trying to make my way from North Korea? Should I have been counting my blessings that I hadn't been assaulted or mugged or something? Fuck you again. I used to say things like, "I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy," but then again, I used to say that women should stick together, as well. God, what a dumb, bitchy statement!

8. When you say, "Anyway, as a general rule, I don't date actors. Too much drama. Maybe now you'll feel the same.^^" I'm going to have to take you to task! How dare you stereotype actors that way! What kind of moron are you? And one more thing -- he wasn't a fucking actor. Nowhere in my blog post did I mention that he was an actor because he wasn't. I said only that he was a performer. There are many kinds of performers. Or don't you know that, given your extensive experience in the elitist university theater crowd you were a part of?

9. When someone says, "Too bad," they mean the opposite. There is no empathy in that statement.

The next time some guy (or girl) breaks your heart, Grace ... the next time someone lies to you and leads you on ... the next time you find your whole world shattered ... the next time you feel pain from a relationship, one that leads to sleeplessness and tears ... I want you to remember me. And remember you saying, "If that's the worst thing that's happened to you, count your blessings!" (Please, imagine me smiling at you smugly.) I'm sure it will make you feel better. Along with that stupid emoticon that everyone in Korea uses.

The next time something like that ever happens to you (and it will), please think of me smiling smugly at you, and think of this: ^^

Sincerely,

Eve

Bullies Are Cowards - I'm No Picasso Is a Bully. Therefore ...

2012-01-04T03:20:00.006+09:00

I'm No Picasso -- The Bully. The Coward.

Liz from I'm No Picasso began to bully me when I refused to back down from an argument re: foreign men who date women who cannot speak their language. She keeps misquoting me, claiming that I have said that foreign men who date women who are "not fluent" are motherfuckers. But I didn't say that. I said the motherfucker part, but I went on ... and on ... and ON ... to explain the various levels of language ability to her. Not being able to speak English and not speaking English "fluently" are two completely different things. Obviously!

But she played dumb and she and her minions began to attack beginning with this call to action from I'm No Picasso:

http://imnopicasso.blogspot.com/2011/03/philosophical-debate-on-foreign-men-and.html

Now, please notice the phrase, "Have fun, kiddos!"

Not very nice!

First, she's telling people to have fun by going to my site to insult me. And sure enough, a whole lot of people did. Not ALL of the comments I received over the next week after she posted that were evil. But many were. They were filled with insults, racial slurs, assumptions and there were even a few threats.

Now, while all the published comments on that blog post of hers were nothing but lovely, telling her what a FINE job she did, "calling me out," a few people actually took the time to write on my site re: that blog post things like this:

An anonymous commentator wrote this:

"Nothing of what you have said is unknown to Eve, she knows that not all foreign men are out for some ass only, but probably from where she stands quite a few of them are. it does not make her opinion false however, people go through different experiences in life and if sometimes that is all they have encountered, then it will be all they know and believe. It gives us no right to attack them; if you believe what eve said is wrong then rather than belittle her experiences, why not try to understand where she is coming from, and what makes her say the things she does. Right now what you have done is just to turn her off everything you have said. Regardless of whether what you said was the absolute truth or not."
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/03/foreign-men-and-korean-women-episode.html?showComment=1301261519901#c47821666127212455

And that is EXACTLY it.

But Liz just didn't get it. She insisted I believed women to be weaker than men (obviously, I don't) and justified her bullying by saying, "Eve is an adult."

Ah yes. Of course.

But here is where the real pathology lies:

"And I'll come at her just as hard as I would come at a man..."
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/03/foreign-men-and-korean-women-episode.html?showComment=1301261980142#c8555778255444444183

There's plenty more on that post and the two that followed it, as I attempted to thoroughly explain myself as most people reacted to my post based on what THEY THOUGHT I WROTE, not what I ACTUALLY WROTE.

And After She Was Done With Me for a Few Minutes

And then, like a schoolteacher clapping her hands, she wrote this:
http://imnopicasso.blogspot.com/2011/03/good.html

As though she was saying, "OK, now, now, please, LET'S GET BACK TO ME!"

Such was the animosity from most of the commentators that I actually took time to read every single one of the hundred or so comments, and write extensive follow-up essays that explained in as much detail as I possibly could why I felt as I did.

And I stopped reading I'm No Picasso's blog right at that time. And thus, never left her a single comment after that. (Except when I tried a couple of days ago, but she wouldn't publish it because she didn't want to be taken to task. You know, that phrase is really growing on me!)

But she kept reading my blog. And trolling. And flaming. And leaving evil comments. All the while insisting that I was like "totally obsessed with her and jealous."

I talked to a couple of other female bloggers during that time, and here is what I believe:

I'm No Picasso is an extremely insecure person. Bullies mostly are. And they are incredibly jealous of people who seem to have things that they themselves don't have.

I'm not going to jerk myself off here, but when I see I'm No Picasso attacking and trolling and bullying, it occurs to me that she is

1. Jealous of them.

2. A narcissist (because she insists that whenever anyone discusses Korean/Foreigner relationships, they are OBVIOUSLY talking about her and it annoys her when people are not talking about her -- she must be seriously orgasming right now that I'm finally devoting the time to her that she so desperately craved from me).

3. Many of the bloggers she attacks are much, much better writers than she is.

4. Some of the bloggers she attacks simply do not bow down to her and eat her shit.

And since Liz, in her head, is always right about EVERYTHING, anyone who does not eat her shit MUST be wrong. And in her words, "destroyed."

Now, you know how I hate to make assumptions about people ...

but when I'm No Picasso wrote

"I don’t know if some people have just always lived their lives in a world where everyone has always agreed with them or what, but I’m getting pretty tired of having to deal with hissy fits for expressing disagreement...Not being a special snowflake has made my life a lot easier, I think." -- I'm No Picasso, via imnopicasso.tumblr.com

It struck me that actually, she's talking about herself.

She does indeed think of herself as a special snowflake -- after all, according to her, she's the only female who writes about feminism and racism in Korean expat society! According to her, even if one majors in Women's Studies, they will never know more than she does about feminist philosophy!

Reading Through Her Blog

Now, as I've been browsing/trolling through Liz's blogspot blog (although I don't think it's proper trolling, since I am not leaving comments), I've noticed something disturbing.

SHE IS A TOTAL SEXIST!

Yes, it's true. She writes in an incredibly sexist way.

I'm talking about more than that disgusting bit of blogging I wrote about before, where she wrote in sexually violent manner.

No.

There are posts in which she takes pleasure in that her boyfriend says that she's "just like a man" because she - OH WOW, OMG, GASP! - ate dog.

There are posts in which she writes that she decided to "grow a pair."

I mean, REALLY! Is she really falling into that old trap of not realizing that when you write something like that, taking pleasure in seemingly having man-like qualities or body parts, like testicles, you are totally insulting women in the process?

Betty White has a great quote about this.

(I'd also like to add that the phrase "jerking oneself off" isn't sexist on my part, because of certain masturbation techniques that require jerking motions even if you're a woman. Just so that we're clear on that.)

Now, being a feminist doesn't mean that you want to take on all the negative stereotypes of men, Liz! But you must know that. And oh, I forgot for a moment -- you're not a feminist at all.

I'd also like to say that since she is a teacher, I am absolutely disgusted by the way she talks about her coworkers and students. Does she even change their names? One would hope so, because especially in the case of children, writing about them without their permission, and writing about them INCLUDING identifying characteristics, is pure exploitation.

Liz needs to be taken to task for this.

Next up ... Burndog says he deleted all references to me ... but actually didn't.

And I'm No Picasso once name-dropped a bunch of friends of hers in my comment box like I should have known who they were (I didn't, of course.) ... but one just now popped out at me. Grace.

Could it be the Grace who left me a quite stupid and borderline cruel comment that I did not publish after I had my breakup?

Is this the Grace that rubbed salt into my wound?

Doesn't matter.

Whoever left me that comment WILL be taken to task!

It's what I'm No Picasso would want!

More to come later.

Why Doesn't I'm No Picasso Like Being Taken to Task?

2012-01-03T00:41:00.004+09:00

Well, the answer is obvious: bullies don't like it when it happens to them.

Plus, she doesn't really "take people to task." She just insults.

The level of hate that she aimed at me and my blog was excruciating to deal with. And it left me wary of even writing about things I wanted to write about. Personal things and things like racism and sexism. Because she trolled and flamed this site so often, and I would occasionally glimpse unpleasant references to myself on her tumblr circle-jerk, I ceased writing about many things (but it was really Burndog's psychotic series of lies about me that turned me off to blogging here --- for awhile).

So what I'd like to do now is dissect this statement of I'm No Picasso's. It was the very first thing I'd read of hers in a long time, since when she decided she hated me back in March, I stopped reading her blog.

From her tumblr blog: imnopicasso.tumblr.com

"I don’t know if some people have just always lived their lives in a world where everyone has always agreed with them or what, but I’m getting pretty tired of having to deal with hissy fits for expressing disagreement." - I'm No Picasso

I think the problem is that I'm No Picasso herself surrounds herself by people who agree with her on everything. Otherwise, she wouldn't throw such hissy fits online.

Now, before you start tsk-tsk-ing and saying, "OMG, why are you spending so much time on INP, you must be like so totally sad!" - let me explain:

1. I finally have some free time on my hands.
2. INP devotes hours of each of her days trolling sites, leaving flaming comments, and in general, getting into arguments and then throwing hissy fits when people disagree with her, because she doesn't know how to take her own advice about being an adult.
3. This is belated; I should have done this a long time ago, but I didn't and it left a festering wound that is now being healed quite nicely, thank you very much.

And see, for all you INP fans out there -- I'm taking her to task.

I mean, look at her blatant hypocrisy:

From I'm No Picasso:

"As the saying goes,if you can't take it, don't dish it out."

http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/03/foreign-men-and-korean-women-episode_27.html?showComment=1301357551707#c1273321048020506081

Back to her quote from her imnopicasso.tumblr.com blog.

Does she honestly think that the reason why she gets into so many online arguments is because she simply disagrees with someone? Can she HONESTLY be that delusional, or is she just playing dumb? The reason why she gets into so many online arguments with people she disagrees with is because she's disrespectful on others' blogs, because she's arrogant, bitchy, arrogant (oops, wrote it twice!), and resorts to name-calling when people do not bow down to the Gospel According to Liz.

And she's grandiose and delusional and puts herself up on quite a high pedestal.

Take this comment she left on my blog (this was during the genesis of her hatred of me, and when she officially became My Troll):

"I can guarantee you that even if you fucking majored in women's studies you would not have a stronger background in feminist philosophy than I do." - I'm No Picasso

http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/03/foreign-men-and-korean-women-episode.html?showComment=1301033730649#c746498457294892495

She just doesn't get it.

Burndog is SO the Victim of Racism. (Actually, Not.)

2012-01-02T19:05:00.002+09:00

I must say, I'm having a bit of fun here and wish I'd done this a long time ago. At the time when Matt from the Burndog blog (he doesn't update it anymore; he posts at the more circle-jerk friendly tumblr) went on his little rampage about me, making all kinds of nasty comments about me and veiled threats about unveiling personal information about me, I was frankly too shocked, dismayed and sickened to even consider retaliation.

But anyways. One of the things that bothers me about Burndog (besides the fact that he enjoys "slagging people off" and doesn't like it when it happens to him -- sound familiar?) -- is his claim to be constantly victimized by racism.

Yes. According to him. Racism. Against him, a white male. In Korea.

For example, he's written at length about how racist his girlfriend's dad is, because he doesn't want his daughter dating him.

Too bad Matt seemingly hasn't read this article, "His Parents said, 'Not With a White Girl.'"

A quote from the author of that article:

"Yes, it was white privilege that blinded me to the fact I might be the bottom of the barrel on someone else's race card." - Diane Farr

Here, Matt explains why his Vice Principal won't meet with him by titling the post "My Racist Vice Principal." - http://burndogsburnblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-racist-vice-principal.html

"Well...the Vice Principal has refused to meet with me."

Oh my god! The Vice Principal won't meet with you? The horror! The racism!

Give me a fucking break.

I also seem to recall a post in which Matt was totally outraged by being told that - gasp, OMG - he should not be wearing shoes indoors, but sandals (as is Korean custom).

But he seems to have deleted that. Either that or its buried in the muck of his numerous blogs which can really only be understood if it consists of just a picture and one or two sentences.

I hadn't looked at his sites in quite some time and when I went to his tumblr blog today (go ahead, Matt, track the IP address - I don't mind, I'm on the move these days! My friends back in the states think you are a super creep for tracking their IP addresses though), I noticed that much of his time is spent circle-jerking these days.

Wonder why.

Hyprocrite Bloggers - I'm No Picasso

2012-01-02T18:06:00.002+09:00

So, after all the trolling that I'm No Picasso did on my site, I thought I'd return the favor in kind.

To this: http://imnopicasso.tumblr.com/post/15172512516/learning-how-to-use-the-internet-without-becoming

So, so delusional.

I commented something that said: "Now, you know very well that you throw a hissy fit whenever someone disagrees with you. You just don't like being taken to task."

I was promptly blocked.

And so I sent her these through formspring:

Oh, by the way - I know you won't post this - it's meant for you anyway (sound familiar?) but you just can't handle being "taken to task," now, can you? How does it feel, Liz?

Oh my god, why did you block me? Could it possibly be because YOU don't like trolling on your site, while you do it on everyone else's gleefully? Hmm!

Coming up soon ... Burndog claims racism ... I have to admit, trolling Burndog isn't as much fun as trolling I'm No Picasso. Mostly because at least INP writes coherently. Burndog's writing is at about a sixth-grade level, which makes it a bit difficult to read.

I'm No Picasso Is the Biggest Troll in Korea

2011-12-29T23:07:00.005+09:00

So, now where was I? Oh yes. First I'd like to direct you to this:

From I'm No Picasso:

"Eve.... anything I've ever said to you has been directed at the subject matter you are dealing with in the moment..."

Actually, that is one whopper, because one of the things she does (one of the things that a typical troll does) is post off-topic in an effort to bait the blogger into an argument. Like this:

On a story I wrote on bullying: http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/06/dont-lie-to-me-story-of-bullying-in-my.html

She went ahead and wrote this evil comment.

Which I didn't respond to because that was back when I was trying to take the high road.

It was stunning, the level of rage in her comment. Especially since I had no idea what she was talking about re: "loving" when female bloggers go mental on male bloggers. I had absolutely no clue what she was referring to. And I didn't want to engage with her because I felt she'd left an ugly comment on a serious topic.

And here she does it again:

http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/08/dont-use-n-word-if-youre-not-black.html?showComment=1314671962234#c7188116560881006459

Luckily, one of my other blog readers chimed in to tell I'm No Picasso the obvious: off-topic commenting is stupid. It was just another way for her to get my goat.

And that she eventually did:

http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/10/audience.html

But only after shit like this:
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/04/eves-hot-date-with-english-teacher-x.html?showComment=1301881729813#c5826628966630525130

And Now We Get to the Hypocrisy

It's now no surprise to me that I'm No Picasso and Burndog are like, totally BFFs. Because they both proudly proclaim themselves to be assholes. They get off on hurting other people.

Take this blog post of I'm No Picasso's:

http://imnopicasso.tumblr.com/post/5953679177/right-so-here-we-go-im-doing-my-best-to-call

One of I'm No Picasso's favorite phrases is that she "takes people to task."

So let me take her to task and say that she's not being mean in these cases -- when she out and out trolls blogs, she's being a fucking bitch.

This part was rich:

" I am, as far as I know, the only female blogger who regularly tackles issues of race and cultural ignorance and sexism within Korean expat society here in the blogging world."

I mean, laugh-out-loud funny. She's got a grandiose sense of herself, that's for sure. She is obviously and most certainly NOT the only female blogger who tackles issues of race and so forth. Matter of fact, she doesn't really seem to give a shit about any cultural issues unless she feels that you are talking about her boyfriend.

She glorifies and revels in the fact that she's a cruel bitch.

Expat Hell

One of my favorite bits of amusement on Expat Hell came when I'm No Picasso freaked out over what was a humorous, tongue-in-cheek post, http://www.expathell.com/?p=3262:

which led to this:

http://www.expathell.com/?p=3409

The blogger, Jake, kept his cool and when she failed to get a rise out of him, she resorted to calling him "sweetheart" and such. Notice that Jake, the blogger, was nothing but polite in his responses, while I'm No Picasso grew more and more hysterical, baiting and bitchy.

"t seems to me that you are just generally very unhappy with pretty much all aspects of your life here.."

(If she'd bothered to read any of his blog except the post that she felt was OBVIOUSLY talking about her, she'd notice that Jake describes himself as rich and hung, so this was just sheer desperation on her part.)

AND that leads us into this post in which I'm No Picasso attacks pretty much everyone, including a blogger who dared to "take her to task."

She brings me up in that post, too, though I didn't comment on it, because, since I don't read regularly read his blog, I didn't read this post till weeks after it was published:

http://roboseyo.blogspot.com/2011/10/becoming-teacher-abusing-911-and-sexist.html?showComment=1320070570186#c6486836948960048246

and where she denies she's a bully (totally delusional, she is!)
http://roboseyo.blogspot.com/2011/10/becoming-teacher-abusing-911-and-sexist.html?showComment=1320119644704#c8854973131079365116

Notice what a couple of commentators actually said: Anyone who disagrees with I'm No Picasso is automatically labeled a sexist or a racist in her book.

And then she starts to troll and bully.

She keeps bringing up her past abuse -- I wonder if that had something to do with the way she is nowadays. Is it the cycle of violence? That the abused often themselves become abusers?

Anyways, that's enough for tonight.

Whatever sort of hate mail I'm No Picasso gets is probably not due to her being a "feminist" (though she is absolutely not one, not in my book).

It's because she's a bitch.

The Problem With Blog Commentators

2011-12-28T22:13:00.002+09:00

What is the value of my opinion? What is it worth?
This was written several months ago but not published:

I comment quite a lot on a few blogs. Not many. One thing that I have never done (of if I ever have, I've forgotten about it) is left a comment on someone's blog that attacked the blogger, tried to pick a fight with them, or baited them.

On a couple of occasions, I've left a comment on a blog that questioned the opinion of the blogger.

Intelligent Discourse Vs. Stupidity

I think intelligent discourse from bloggers and commentators looks something like this:

Blogger: Blog Post With an Opinion
Commentator #1: "What led you to have this opinion? While I agree with X, I'm a little unclear about Y."
Blogger: "Thanks for asking about Y. I've had many experiences with Y. I also read a few books on Y, and I came to the conclusion about Y."

But here we get to the stupid part:

Commentator #2: "Commentator #1 is clearly a ________ with severe problems. She obviously doesn't know anything about X or Y, probably doesn't _________ and is obviously _______."

The Problem With Assumptions

When people make assumptions about me based on my comments on other people's blogs, I recognize it as troll bait. One on blog in particular -- a blogger I respect -- I am baited all the time. And up until recently, I refrained from engaging with those commentators.

Recently, however, I rose to the bait, and afterwards, felt very silly.

Because -- why do I care what assumptions people make about me, when I know they're false? Why should I care what an anonymous stranger online believes to be true about me, when I know it's not?

The Main Assumptions Made About Me

Someone wise just told me that obsessive thoughts are like cleaning ladies that keep going into rooms in your brain marked "Unresolved Issues." Those little cleaning ladies are so sweet and thorough, and they want everything to make sense. They have the best intentions.

These cleaning ladies go to a few different rooms in my head. But one of the things they keep going back to is this:

Why, whenever I post something that is even remotely controversial on male-female relationships or sexism or men do people assume that I am single?

For example. When I was in Russia, and I would occasionally leave comments on a blog by a blogger who wrote at great length about Russian women, some commentators would leave comments that 1. I must be jealous of and hate Russian women, since 2. I had obviously gotten no action from Russian men or foreign men in Russia.

And I never said a word to correct those assumptions.

Because I considered it a waste of my time.

At the time, I just did not care.

The Value of a Woman and the Value of a Woman's Opinion

I never bother to correct people's assumptions about me regarding my relationship status. That is because sometimes they're right (I'm not dating anyone at the moment) and sometimes they're wrong (I'm dating someone at the moment) but mostly it's because I do not want my opinion to be worth any more or any less because of a man.

I remember once reading a comment left by someone who wrote something along the lines of, "Too bad you're so interested in other people's relationships; it must be because you don't have one."

What Is the Value of a Woman?

At work today, one of my coworkers told me she was dreading a family event, because all day long, she will be forced to listen to this: "Why don't you have a boyfriend? Why aren't you married?"

During that period of time when I was writing about a foreign man who was dating a woman who couldn't speak English, one of the very first comments was left by a man who told me I should read Korean dating blogs.

He assumed that I hadn't read any Korean dating blogs, and so I helpfully told him to look at my blogroll (which, at the time, had two or three dating blogs on them -- I don't read them anymore).

It's wild, the assumptions that people make about me. I have heard it all: You must hate men. You must hate women. You must hate white people. You must hate Korean women. You must hate Russian women.

What's even wilder is that some people don't even pause to consider that if they make an assumption about me, it's got a good chance at being wrong, and that it makes the commentator look stupid.

And finally, what's really wild is that my little cleaning ladies keep going back to that room. I wish they didn't because this blog captures only snapshots of my life and my opinions; in many ways, being a blogger is like adopting a character. Writers, when you meet them in real life, almost never line up with your expectations. I know this because I've met writers and bloggers whose personalities in real life simply did not match up to my assumptions; I know this because on more that one occasion, in social settings, I have seen looks of surprise when people find out that I'm the girl who writes this blog. I saw it in the past when I was a columnist for my college paper.

Stupid Comments

Before you leave your next comment on any blog, know this: if you leave a comment that says anything like, "You must be __________ and you are obviously _________ because you have _____ and don't have _____," then you are commenting unreasonably and stupidly.

If you happen upon a blog post that you vehemently disagree with -- and if you're not like me, and you feel the urge to tell this blogger why he or she is wrong, wrong, wrong -- and -- this is an important one -- if you think that the blogger is NOT a moron (if you think the blogger is a moron, maybe you shouldn't be reading his/her blog), this is a more reasonable (not stupid) way of commenting:

"I vehemently disagree with your opinion on X because _______. Have you read this ______? What led you to your opinion on X?"

Fairy Tale Bullshit

As regular readers know, I don't believe in fairy tales, and so I actually don't believe that anyone will change their commenting habits due to this blog post.

Because that would be asking too much of people who are not able to disagree with someone else online without resorting to insults, put-downs and most of all assumptions.

Assumptions Sometimes Make You Look Stupid

I make assumptions about people all the time. You do, too. We all do. The moment we meet someone, we form an opinion about them; a judgement.

But it's quite stupid to make assumptions about a blogger and their personal life. It's particularly stupid to do it in the comment box.

Most bloggers write off-the-cuff. I sometimes write off-the-cuff and sometimes spend an hour or two reviewing and editing my work. What I don't do -- what I've never really done -- is write about every single gory detail of my personal life. My personal life means my family, my friends, and my relationships. Since I've become an overseas teacher, my previous experience in the workforce is also now a part of my past marked "personal." I rarely write about it.

And a Little Bit More About That Which I "Never" Write About

But mostly, what I don't do is write about my relationship status. Mostly.

But this whole "Your opinion is worth less because you must be single" thing has been gnawing at me.

What I believe is this: the society I currently am living in (Korea) and the society I was brought up in (the U.S.) tells women, implicitly: Your value as a woman is based on your looks and whether or not you have a man. (Men are sent a different message regarding their value, one that is equally damaging on many levels. I may write about that later.)

And this idea is so ingrained in all of us -- men and women -- that sometimes, like when we're typing into a comment box, we don't even remember that that story is a lie.

I wrote a lot about that guy that I dated a few months ago; I maybe shouldn't have done it. And when I took a good, long hard look at myself -- why did I blog about something that I never have before? -- I came up with something disturbing. It turned out that I cared what some commentators thought; it turned out that for a few days that were filled with tears and memories, I bought into the lie. That is one reason (but not the only reason) why I wrote that series, I'm sorry to say. The other reasons are best left unsaid for now. Those cleaning ladies are so wonderful, but very misguided.

I wrote a lot of stuff about that guy. In her first memoir, Elizabeth Gilbert declined to write the gory details of her first marriage that ended in divorce because, as she wrote, she knew that it would be absurd for anyone to take her one-sided word for it.

I recently read a blog post by that one female blogger I've written about before. One of her commentators said that it sounded like her ex-husband was a huge asshole. And the blogger took the time to write: He's not that bad. I married him, after all.

And so I am reminded of this one conversation I had with my boyfriend during that blog explosion of mine.

Me: "You know, out of all of those comments, no one asked me, 'What has your experience been that would lead you to believe this?"

Him: "Of course they didn't. That would have been reasonable."

The So-Called "Feminist" I'm No Picasso Is No Feminist At All

2011-12-28T21:35:00.002+09:00

I'm No Picasso bangs on and on about what a feminist she is.

She clearly confuses the word "feminist" with "bitch."

Here are some nice quotes from her blog:

"I once again resisted my urges to say something akin to, "Well basically you can just go fuck yourself and shove this shitty job right up your cunt..."

Wow, such violent, abusive sexual imagery from a woman who has written extensively about her own rape. But did anyone say anything about this disgusting bit of blogging? Nope. http://imnopicasso.blogspot.com/2011/07/restoration.html

She got nothing but kudos from her groupies.

And she was depicting a rape.

How about this one? Appropriately titled "In Which INP Is Mental."
http://imnopicasso.blogspot.com/2011/03/in-which-inp-is-mental.html

Read the blog post.

She was complaining that her boyfriend was going to a party that SHE WAS ALSO INVITED TO.

You'll see that I extended empathy in my comment, even though I really didn't know what the fuck she was complaining about. There I was, trying to be nice and understanding. Because even if I don't understand someone's pain, I still try to be nice about it.

But I certainly did not get that in return in any of my own blog posts about my problems with men.

Nope, I got quite the opposite from her:

"Eve... when are you going to own up to the fact that just because men, in your own words, "make you crazy" and therefore you can't handle casual sexual relations, that that is just how YOU are? It has nothing to do with other women, who are perfectly capable of not being "made crazy" by men and handling their sexual relationships like adults.
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/10/audience.html?showComment=1318394377105#c5658826071672479313

Really, now, Liz? You handle sexual relations so well? You are capable of being an adult who is not made crazy by men? But you said yourself you're mental! I'm so confused!

(I'd like to add that Liz wrote a complete lie about me in that comment - I never, ever wrote on that blog that I was the most intelligent person. That comment came from an anonymous commentator and I immediately "took that person to task.")

I'm going to use the same word about Liz that she has used so many times, so gleefully, in regards to me:

UGLY.

And a goddamn hypocrite on top of that.

More to come later.

Burndog Is a Loser Who Makes Fun of His Korean Girlfriend

2011-12-28T20:43:00.003+09:00

Disclaimer: I have a feeling I will repeat myself in the coming weeks. To begin with, an FAQ:

Q: OMG, why are you like, so obsessed with Burndog?
A: See his evil series (now deleted) about me.

Q: OMG, why don't you get a life?
A: Why don't you?

Q: OMG, you're such an attention whore!
A: If you have a blog, so are you.

Q: OMG, you are obviously just SO unhappy!
A: I'm thrilled I'm not in Korea anymore -- thanks much!

Burndog has made a name for himself on the K-blogosphere for his anonymous blogs that "slag" people off. He's not so anonymous now (you can thank me for that) but he still posts stuff like:

"I’m sure I’ll have some quiet time where I can update the odd photo or stream of verbal abuse..."
http://burndogturns.tumblr.com/post/14789594711/merry-christmas-burnfans-im-in-aus-for-a-couple

You see, he gets off on verbally abusing other people. I know because I've been at the brunt end of that verbal abuse (not to mention out-and-out libel).

But here's what I really wanted to write about:

Look how cute it is that he makes fun of his Korean coworker (while simultaneously whining on his blog about how anyone who even dares make fun of Koreans is totally racist):

"YouYou: Yes...in Korea the special weather we have is rainy weather.
Student: But it rains in the other countries too I think.
YouYou: YES but in Korea da rain is SPECIAL! EVERYONE KNOWS THIS!"
http://burndogturns.tumblr.com/post/14437274871/youyou-explains-the-special-weather

Reminds me of when I explained to a group of my students (to get out of them teaching my Korean) that AS EVERYONE KNOWS, non-Koreans are quite stupid, and so it was just impossible for me to wrap my poor little Western brain around the Korean alphabet.

Burndog wrote that this was totally racist on my part.

He also thinks that every time anyone he works with slights him, it's because they're racist.

He hasn't gotten the memo: you can't be racist against white people. Why? Because institutionalized racism against white people is not in force in the TEFL industry in Korea. Not like it is against blacks and other minorities.

People can be prejudiced against white people. But not racist.

But wait! There's more! Look at how he makes fun of his girlfriend!

"Burndog your friend sometimes invites me to some village or something, what is that?"
— The Bird…clearly confused by FarmVille. "http://burndogturns.tumblr.com/post/14437161969/burndog-your-friend-sometimes-invites-me-to-some"

OMG, isn't that like, so funny?

And SO sexist.

I feel sorry for "the bird" as he calls her (and isn't that a bit sexist, calling a woman by the name of an animal?) Oops, but I'm not supposed to feel sorry for women who are being used and mocked by Westerners - my bad! You're right, Liz (I know you're reading this) - they deserve it.

And yet, not a single person called him out on this. Not a single evil blogger in Korea.

Gosh, I wonder why.

But you know, I'm so far behind I think I'm first.

Apparently, among the expat crowd in Korea, not only is it totally cool to fuck people you can't verbally communicate with, it's also totally fine to refer to your significant others as animals (or in one case, a pork product - hotyellowfellows.tumblr.com).

I'll get to you all later. Don't worry. :)

Angry

2011-12-27T23:49:00.002+09:00

I used to rank on the first page of Google for searches for "Ketut Liyer," because I wrote an honest and (I think) cute article about my experience visiting him in Bali.

I used to rank on the first page of Google for two writing sites that I think are scams.

I used to rank on the first page of Google for a review I wrote of a book by an author I'm a fan of.

But since I removed almost all of my posts due to cyber-bullying, I don't rank anymore.

And that makes me angry.

When I'm No Picasso trolled and left stupid and evil comments on my blog, I responded in kind about half of the time. But I NEVER went to her blog to troll and leave evil comments. Ever.

When Burndog decided that I was his enemy and began an entire series devoted to me and my "escape" from Korea, I did not respond in kind with any type of commentary on him on this blog. (That is, I did not pick apart his blog posts to highlight the stupidity, racism and sexism I found there). Ever.

But the disgusting, evil shit that those two, in particular, did to me and this blog was such that I shut this blog down for awhile.

But now that I have some free time on my hands -- I think I might just respond in kind.

The K-blogosphere, for the most part, makes me sick.

But what those two in particular did to me makes me even more sick.

I really tried to take the high road with those two.

But my blog has been part of my life for a long time.

And now, since I am not working in Korea (nor anywhere else for that matter) ... I think that there is really nothing, at this point, for me to lose.

And so (again, since I have free time on my hands) I think I'll do what I just didn't care enough to do at the time I was living in Korea.

Closing the Blog Indefinitely (Again)

2011-11-27T15:23:00.001+09:00

In the online world, this is known as a "goodbye cruel world!" post, in which a blogger (or commentator) swears that she will no longer write in the blog (or forum or board).

The threats and the harrassment that come from writing this blog is simply not worth it.

And so, people will write about me what they want to write. It's their business. If I catch a whiff of anything illegal, however (any more threats, harassment or libelous claims) I will hire a lawyer and I will prosecute. I've done it before.

I'll leave the blog up for a day or so (even though I've already started deleting a lot of posts) and then, perhaps when the crazed K-blogosphere has someone else to beat on, I'll open it back up. In the meantime, I've got offline writing to do, books to read, books to write (based on my writings on this blog) and I'm in the midst of what should be a great vacation.

This blog has caused me too many problems.

I'm sure I'll be back, but not for awhile. I value my privacy and my general state of being too much.

For now, I'm walking away.

Preparing to Exit Crazy Land (Again)

2011-11-25T23:15:00.002+09:00

I received an email from my foe letting me know that he's letting go of this "feud." That he will no longer write about me, that he's finished and will no longer read my blog. I'm guessing he found out who really wrote the disparaging email about him and it wasn't me. And I don't know who it was, though there's a lot of speculation out there.

What scares me is that there ARE still crazies out there. A lot. And this blog has attracted them. A LOT.

This blog has caused me a lot of grief. Bloggers who read this blog and hate me have caused me a lot of grief. Having crazy things written about me by bloggers who read this blog and hate me has caused me a lot of grief.

And so I'm thinking about what to do about it. This blog, I mean. I love blogging. I don't love the craziness that sometimes (way too often) comes of it.

I think what I will do when I have more time over the next couple of weeks is scrub the blog clean -- remove all the controversial stuff, remove all references to foes and stupid blog wars and stupid feuds and things like that. I'll keep a few things up (like the series about my time in Russia) and then, maybe, I'll start a new blog. A fresh start. I kind of like the sounds of that.

I've been thinking of doing this for a long time now. And my ego always stopped me.

But between my ego and self-preservation ... well, I think self-preservation has to come first.

Preparing to Sue

2011-11-25T11:51:00.004+09:00

I've never been one to sit around and get my rights trampled on. But the Burndog blogger has gone too far with his psychotic and FALSE accusations.

Although the absolute last thing I wanted to do was get involved in his craziness, I'm going to start researching laws and attorneys that deal with this sort of thing. I've sued corporations before (and won) and got a lawyer involved when a person in a country I used to live in also wrote some lies about me.

And I'm an American. That's what we do - sue when we've been wronged.

I Closed the Blog Because Burndog Is a Psychopath

2011-11-24T22:25:00.009+09:00

I closed my blog temporarily because Burndog was upsetting me and scaring me.

I'm opening it again now because I cannot bear any longer to have him write pure lies about me.

Yep. I lasted three days.

I told myself I wasn't going to do this -- I wasn't going to get dragged into more of his madness. I did not consider it a good use of my time to pore through his commentary and point out innaccuracies about my "Escape From Kimchi-Land" -- and even after he posted some craziness about IP addresses -- in his crazed state, he mixed his IP addresses up and credited me with making Formspring comments I didn't make -- I didn't take the bait.

But that was just a prelude to other things Burndog would eventually write about me.

From this island in the middle of nowhere, I have been trying to forget the ... well, pain is the only word to describe it -- of my Korean experience.

It worked for several days and then I found myself ruminating over the things that went wrong in Korea. The things I could have done better. The things that were my fault, and the things that were not my fault.

But I couldn't get away from Burndog. It is a shameful thing to smear a person online, and it's even more shameful to smear someone with lies.

I'm always amazed when I encounter someone who is even crazier than I am.

The K-Blogosphere and Burndog In Particular

When I was leaving Korea, I wrote on this blog that one of the things I regretted -- one of the few things I would take back -- was commenting on anyone's blog or sucking up to bloggers who later turned on me.

And this goes 1000% for Burndog because here are the facts:

1. I never wrote any emails to journalists about him.
2. The fact that someone did means that someone that has a beef with him knew (or might have known) I'd be a likely scapegoat and is thus using me as well.
3. Burndog has been writing quite a few lies and innaccuracies about me ever since my departure from Korea and this obsession of his scares the shit out of me. It really does.
4. Burndog has written that there was one person who was upset about what he wrote and that he didn't feel a damn bit guilty about it because she "wasn't really a friend."
5. There are probably many more like her.

The Story Went

Burndog and I were blogger friends and then one night, a few months ago, I made a mistake by posting anonymous comments on his blog. Burndog wrote about it (and this is back when he was still telling me how much he "loved me.") I was forced to come clean and even goddamn apologized for it on this blog, and while I was at it, I also wrote what nearly every blogger in Korea already knew -- that his name was Matt (it was on Formspring) and that he wrote the "What Would Fucktard Do" blog.

And that was that, I thought.

But no. Now, whenever someone makes an anonymous comment online that is seemingly in support of me, the K-blogosphere assumes it is me. But I learned that lesson and have NEVER made any anonymous comments on any blog outside of Burndog's.

Not that I expect Burndog or I'm No Picasso's fans to believe that. They'll believe anything, I guess.

And then a few weeks ago, I suddenly found myself the star of his less-than-flattering blog posts about me.

And (like I said before), at first I was flattered and then I became unhappy and freaked out.

Guess I Had a Reason to Be Freaked Out

Having my name and blog smeared by him was amusing up until a point. But when he began making subtle threats about having new information and new leads about me ... it, frankly, scared me. My imagination went wild; I wondered if people would send him unflattering pictures of me. I wondered what he would do next.

And I decided to just ignore him and let him write what he wants to write; as the old saying goes, "What other people think of me is none of my business."

But There Comes a Point, as I Learned In Korea, That One Must Make a Stand

This blog drama caused me a great lot of unhappiness in Korea. I don't know what to say about it except that I am glad I am not there anymore. And I am sorry that I am not zen enough to be able to just let it go when people write lies about me and smear me online.

I read over Burndog's latest blog posts ... and all I can think of is that this is a blogger who has made enemies. As have I. In that, we have something in common.

Why the HELL am I the one he blames for retarded emails to journalists? Because I am just the latest crazed, psychotic obsession of his? Or because - gasp - he knows it's not true? Because he goddamn well knows that there are probably many, many people out there who'd do what he says what was done to him?

(Or, worse -- whoever wrote that email to that journalist knows things that none of us know ... jesus.)

(Or worse -- this is all just another delusion in his head. He's making up fictional emails and blaming me so that the K-bloggers who hate me will pounce and smear me even more? People will believe, I guess, anything the K-blogger mafia has to say.)

It is my sincere belief that Burndog is psychotic and delusional and insane. His insanity is causing me a lot of grief and there is simply nothing that can be done about that.

He has shown what can only be described as a totally psychotic obsession with me and my blog and I have fucking had ENOUGH.

The only thing I want him to do is leave me alone.

Or, if he feels the need to hire a lawyer, then he should hire away because I haven't done anything he's accusing me of. NOT A GODDAMN THING.

A Note About Me and Russia

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- I did not have these types of problems in Russia. My problems lie only with the school I was working for. Someone on Burndog's latest blog post indicated that they will simply make up a bunch of lies about me ... but already, they have.

I would love to say that none of this bothers me. I would love to say that I am here simply snorkeling and sunbathing and that I just don't care about Burndog's mental problems.

But I want to be honest and tell you the following:

He scares the shit out of me.

When you lie about a person, when you will seemingly stop at nothing to scare a person, freak her out ... it shows, as Burndog once wrote, a lack of integrity.

In the Future

I shut down my blog for a whole three days because I just did not want him wading through all of my posts ... and making ugly commentary ... and writing stupid lies.

Instead, I've been writing in a journal offline about things I'd like to write about.

In one of his posts about me, Burndog wrote something about how I pretend to be the greatest person in the world.

I was talking with one of my friends a couple of days ago, because when I think about my blog, I think of a blog of a human being ... a person who makes mistakes and actually owns up to them. A woman who has many faults and makes errors and mistakes ... and actually writes about them. A woman who has successes and also failures.

Burndog, if you're reading this -- you're wrong. You're dead wrong. You have a psychotic obsession with me that has turned into delusion and it's crazy.

And you know it.

Internet Bullies

A lot has been written in the media about internet bullies.

I can now say that I have two.

And if you think I'm proud of that, you don't know me at all.

It's scary.

Burndog Is Freaking Me Out

2011-11-19T01:34:00.005+09:00

To my knowledge, I've never had an entire blog series devoted to me. And so it was with great amusement that I've been following this blog: http://burndogsburnblog.blogspot.com/ which has documented my "Escape from Kimchi-Land."

In his latest post, Matt makes reference to new things that have come to light ... to "leads" that he's following ... that he smells "a rat."

Now, this worries me.

Did he get in touch with one of my ex-boyfriends and is planning to post naked pictures of me? OH SHIT, NO!!!

Are Facebook status updates being emailed to him from concerned citizens?

Did he track down my old school and interview all my co-teachers to get confirmation that in fact, there were times in my old school's cafeteria where I - OMG, GASP! - turned down the kimchi????

I know that most of you don't give a shit about this crap ... but just in case you do, here is an old blog post that references the rise and fall of the little blogger friendship between Eve and Matt. A bittersweet story. http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/10/what-would-fucktards-do.html

PS: I posted this to his blog today:

I'm excited about the "things that have come to light." Maybe there are some things that happened to me that even I didn't know? Or is one of my Facebook friends sending you information? (gasp! the horror! ohnos!)

Even though your blog only has "8" readers, I think we are all waiting with breathless anticipation.

But c'mon, you have to admit the whole series of yours is weird. Especially since you SWORE on your fucktard blog

"This is my last post about that person.
On either blog.
Fare-fucking-well!"

I know you're still pissed about this blog post (reinstated): http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/10/what-would-fucktards-do.html

but really, who's the one who slags people off and then gets all upset when it happens to him?

I think you wrote somewhere on here that people that you're actually friends with -- in real life, or on Facebook -- have actually emailed you and said, "Man, I can't believe you did that to me." But to you it's a big joke. I don't get it -- you take pride in the fact that you're an asshole? You like this about yourself?

And also, you're not stupid enough to think that the title of my blog post "Why I'm the Best Employee in the World" was meant to be anything but ironic, as I made it pretty clear in the content of that blog post that I most certainly am not the best employee in the world, not by a long shot.

Carry on. As one attention whore to another -- you know I love it.

Greetings From Paradise

2011-11-16T20:20:00.000+09:00

I feel good. I can't describe how good I feel. I've spent the past few days hiking, swimming, reading and napping.

I know that there are things in Korea that I could have done differently ... could have done better... but, as they say, we can only be in the place where we're at. I made the only decisions that I could at the time; I made the best decisions for myself out of the options that were available to me.

I didn't consider getting humiliated (again) and shouted at (again) to be a good option.

This, seems to me, a better option. A tropical climate; an inviting beach; a place where people come on holiday to look out over the ocean and think and be alone with their thoughts. A place to heal; a place to escape.

Escape from Kimchi-Land

2011-11-13T15:44:00.004+09:00

Once I returned to the office on Wednesday morning (and after apologizing to Lisa, my head co-teacher, for leaving the previous day), it soon became clear that despite what Jon from SMOE had to say, no fresh starts were in the cards for me.

I had a feeling that would be the case. So, I was armed with several copies of my manifesto, including one that had a Google translation for the principal.

Evil Co-Teacher Jey

She comes over a few minutes after I arrive and ushers me into the broadcasting room and says, "The principal is very confused. Why are you doing this to him?"

It's obvious that Lisa has been relieved of translating duties.

I glare at her.

"Do you think the principal is stupid?" I ask.

She says nothing, but keeps eye contact.

I continue, "I don't think the principal's stupid. I think he's pretty smart. I think he knows exactly why I'm leaving."

She says nothing.

"Can I teach my classes today or not?" I demand.

"The principal no longer thinks teaching is important," she says. And then she says, "We don't have to stay here," and she leaves.

I leap up and make my move.

I storm the principal's office and toss the manifesto with the Google translation on his desk. Lisa and the VP are there - I hand them each a copy. They are all completely stunned and for some reason, as I hand them the manifesto, they actually take it and they don't say a word to me.

I leave the office and shove a copy in front of Jey.

I go to my close co-teacher Emily.

"What is this?" she asks.

"Emily. You know that the principal lied. You know that Lisa is lying."

She looks down and looks about ready to cry. "Yes, I know, but I have never lied to you!"

"No, and I thank you for that. But they won't let me teach my classes today, so I'm leaving."

Then I race out and go up the stairs. I'm looking for all of my co-teachers so that they can all get a copy of the manifesto. I'm afraid that the principal or VP will charge after me to stop me, but they don't.

I catch two of my other co-teachers, both of whom looked shocked and both of whom wish me well.

I don't find Dennis, so I leave a copy on his desk.

And then I go home and email SMOE and tell them this is an "outrage," that I will contact the labor board, etc.

But actually, I have no intentions of doing so. I just want to buy time. I start looking for one-way flights out of Korea.

I feel giddy. Like a teenager. I am on a high. I haven't felt this happy in AGES! I fucking FORGOT what it felt like to be happy!

Where to go? Cambodia? Laos? The Philippines? Thailand? Guam?

THERE'S A WHOLE WIDE WORLD OUT THERE!!!

Thursday: Jon and SMOE

Jon emails me and says the district supervisor will be at my school on Friday, that I should go to school on Friday.

I email him back telling him I'm taking Friday off because I'm still sick and that I'll go to school next Monday (again, I have no intentions of doing so; this is just to buy time).

But then I get a message from one of my co-teachers telling me, "Don't come in on Friday! It's a trap! The principal and the district supervisor are old friends! They're planning to fire you! Also, the principal says he has connections with broadcast news and he wants a TV crew to show what you've done."

I am SHOCKED and IRATE. A TELEVISION CREW??? I KNOW they'd photograph me at my WORST angles!

My coworker also tells me that after everyone read the manifesto, the principal subjected them to something that sounds like a brainwashing session: the principal would ask, "DID THIS EVER HAPPEN?" and each coteacher, one after another, said, "No" or "I don't remember."

So I email Jon:

Hi, Jon. I just spoke with someone who works at my school. Do you know what the principal's intentions are tomorrow? Do you know that he has in fact REFUSED my resignation and is telling the entire school I've been fired? Do you know that he and the district supervisor are FRIENDS? I can't believe you would actually recommend I go into school tomorrow, without even a single representative of SMOE or EPIK. This is totally outrageous and completely unacceptable.

I can't believe you actually told me that the Principal was within his right to refuse for me to go to my classes, that I should sit at my desk all day, 8 hours a day, until the Principal finally decides to make yet ANOTHER scene and announce to the entire school that I'm getting fired?

NO THANK YOU! I think that my school will have to do without my attendance at ANY meeting. I think that we're all done here.

You know, I tried to do the right thing. Every step of the way. And every time I did, I ended up getting shouted at. If the principal actually thinks I'd head into that school tomorrow like a lamb to slaughter, he's even more insane than I thought.

I'll go ahead and post this entire story on ESL Cafe, to let them know that even if you work through the public school system, your contract is worth MAYBE the paper it was printed on.

He emails back:

Your district supervisor(which is an SMOE Representative) wanted to handle this matter so he was going to visit your school and talk to you in person. That is why I tried to email you and call you about it.

Since you told me you are still sick, I told your district supervisor that you wouldn't be at school today due to your illness.

That is all I told him.

In reguards of class and hours, what I told you was what was stayed in the contract. Your duties are stated on Article 3 and on the last part, you are to "Perform other duties as designated by the Employer"

Also your class hours does not exceed 22 hrs which again can be 0 - 22 hrs per week.

If you state, "I can't believe you actually told me that the Principal was within his right to refuse for me to go to my classes, that I should sit at my desk all day, 8 hours a day" does that give the right for an NSET to leave the school if a class was cancelled?

You were going to report to the labor board so I was just talking you the contract point. Your school has the right to give you up to 22 hrs a week. If he give you 0 classes a week, its still legal in the contract.

Either way, i'm not siding any side. Just telling you the contract.

I spend the rest of the day packing, scrubbing my apartment, going to the post office to mail stuff to my family in the states.

Friday

As a precaution, I leave my apartment at 8 am and catch a cab to the post office and mail another big box of stuff back home.

Then I check into a hotel and collapse into sleep.

I get a text message from my close co-teacher. It says, "The Vice Principal wants you to come in to teach the girls!"

I feel like Katherine Ross, when she walks into ~~Bette Midler's~~ (oops, wrong version: Paula Prentiss's) house in The Stepford Wives. The horror that washed over her face when she realizes that her best friend has become One of Them.

I don't return her message.

School closes at 4 pm.

At 4:15 pm, I am inside the national pension office, filling out paperwork. The lady asks me what my last day of work was. I tell her it was Tuesday. I show her my one-way flight out and then I skip out and meet a couple of friends at Gwanghwamun to see the lantern festival.

It's beautiful.

The two ladies I meet are happy for me and congratulate me on my manifesto. One of them says she was worried about how my mood would be. But the fact is, I feel fucking fantastic. I tell her, "I'm so happy! I can't believe it! The endorphins have been FLOWING!"

She asks me where I'm going and how long I'll be there.

I tell her where I'm going and say, "I don't know how long I'll be there. I've never done this before!"

I feel like a goddamn rebel and it feels goddamn fucking good.

Saturday:

I do feel the slightest twinge when I reach Immigration at Incheon Airport. I worry a little bit that I'll be stopped or questioned. But I'm not. I breeze through. I have a layover in Beijing and I sleep in one of those hourly rooms they have at the airport. Then I had another layover in Bangkok before hopping a final flight and then a ferry to my final destination.

Along the way, I've just been grinning like a fool. I watched the dawn break over the jungle. I turned my face up towards the sun and felt the breeze against my face. I looked down over green waters and cannot wait to dive in.

I've thought about my students and the ones I connected with and I expect I will grieve that loss at some point. I expect that I will grieve that my connection with my head co-teacher was destroyed so completely. I expect that at some point, I will descend from the high.

But right now, I'm in warm, tropical weather. My room overlooks the ocean and mountains and jungles and I've never done anything even remotely like this before. I've always been a trouper. I've always been a good little worker bee. I have almost always done what I was told.

But not this time.

I emailed Jon one final time and told him, "Let me make this clear: I'm never stepping foot in that school again. I QUIT."

And that felt pretty goddamn fucking good, too.

I've been journeying almost 24 hours but the weird thing is, I don't feel tired. I feel alive.

If I could do one thing differently, it would be this:

I would have included, in my manifesto, an invitation for one and all to kiss my big, brown ass.

My First Polite Resignation Letter

2011-11-09T23:36:00.003+09:00

Note: this didn't work, and led to yet another fiasco at my school:

Dear School and SMOE:

In accordance with Article 6, Section 2 of my contract, I am giving 30-days written notice of my intent to leave the school. Please consider this my written term of resignation.

I intend for my last day of duties to be 30 days from now, December 7, 2011.

However, I think it would be better for the students if my last day was December 2; there is no reason, I don't think, for me to come back just for a couple of days the week of December 5th.

Please let me know if a December 2, 2011 end date is acceptable.

My reason for resignation is personal reasons.

I understand I must pay back 700,000 won since I am resigning within the first six months of my contract; please take that money out of my last paycheck.

That's what I get for trying to do things the "right" way.

My Manifesto: Fat, Health, Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend? and Korean Culture

2011-11-08T23:54:00.009+09:00

SMOE told me that I should give another official resignation tomorrow to tell them that I really do intend to leave. He also told me to make nice. I will make nice. After they read this. This is just a first draft; I went off on some tangents, but I think the point will be made about why I'm leaving my school and leaving Korea.

I have two choices: give them this manifesto and watch them freak out. And hope that they still give me my next paycheck.

Or, keep it to myself, try to be a good little teacher and kiss ass, make nice, bow, apologize, etc. and hopefully still get my next paycheck.

This is a first draft and imperfect. But I think it makes my feelings about the whole situation in Korea and at my school quite clear.

Update: As soon as I give an abridged version of this manifesto to my school, I'm out of there. Fuck this shit. Last paycheck be damned.
My "Manifesto" or Rant or TOTALLY OFFICIAL Resignation Letter (since my first one was apparently "not good enough."

Dear Principal, Vice Principal and Coteachers:

Again, please understand that I do not wish to work for this school any longer. I was within my rights to give a one-month notice. Yesterday, I was told by (Engish name Jey) that I was "destroying the contract," that what I was doing was "wrong," and I was not allowed to go to my first class. Instead, I was forced to sit in the Principal's office and suffer verbal abuse. I do not know how much of what I said was actually translated to the principal, and I do not know exactly how much of what the principal said was translated to me. When I asked Jey to translate some things, and she refused, this was frustrating to me. When I asked, on several occasions, that I be provided with a translation of what the Principal was saying, and Jey refused to do so, this was also frustrating. And most frustrating was being told that I could not teach my classes because I am, first and foremost, a teacher at this school.

As you have told me that "personal reasons" are not a good enough reason to resign, that I am obligated to tell the principal exactly why, I will do so, though the reasons are many, complicated and personal. You want a thorough and complete reason for my leaving the school, and I will give it to you. But first I would like to say the following:

You have a beautiful school, and wonderful students. I have very much enjoyed teaching here. The girls are, for the most part, very enthusiastic, great students. I feel very fortunate that I had 14 good months of working here. As you know, I spend a lot of time lesson planning; I am very enthusiastic in the class; I am very strict; and I provide a valuable service here. I appreciate the many times you said thank you, and I appreciate the fact that I felt very welcome at the school up until yesterday. What happened yesterday was inexcusable and I do not want a repeat of that. I do not want to sit in a long meeting where I am told that I am destroying my contract. I do not want to be yelled at. I want to end things here on good terms. I did not want to give you a full and thorough explanation of why I am leaving, because I wanted to remain honest, polite, and culturally sensitive, but since you asked for it, here it is.

My Head Co-Teacher

My problems with my head co-teacher (English name Lisa) were almost non-existent for the most part. Except for her tendency, from the very first few weeks of me working here, in August/September of 2010, to call me "fat." On many occasions, she told me, "You have a small face, but your body is a little bit fat. Everyone says so. Pretty face! Fat body! Why don't you lose weight? Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Notice the link between body weight and my status as a single woman.

I thought that this was a cultural issue, and since I have always done everything I could to be culturally sensitive in Korea, I did not tell her to stop it. Instead, I gave a presentation to my classes on beauty, female beauty, and how it is a shameful, cruel thing to call a foreigner "fat" just because her body is different. For the record, I would like to state that I do not think of my body as "fat" in that it is a bad, ugly thing. Many people actually consider my body quite beautiful, as do I.

I just want you to know that what you consider "fat" is not considered "fat" in Western culture, and even if I WERE fat, meaning extremely overweight or obese, it would STILL be inappropriate for you or anyone else in this office to make comments using "health" as an excuse.

When someone says to person, "You're fat. I only care about your health," they are not being truthful. It has NOTHING to do with health. It has to do with the fact that the person doing the shaming, calling someone fat is being rude, is threatened/angry/displeased at seeing a body that does not adhere to cultural "norms" (which are anything but normal).

I have had doctors for years in the U.S. and I have had two physicals here in Korea, and every single doctor has told me that my body is healthy. I am healthy. I am not thin, but I am healthy.

It is one of the worst things you can say to someone. There are essentially two ways of verbally shaming a woman. One, you can call her fat, and imply that since she is fat, she will not get a husband. Two, you can call her a "whore," and imply that because she is a whore, she will not get a husband. Both of these acts are ways of shaming women into complying with a patriarchy, an idea that a woman's value and worth is dependent on one thing: her ability to get a man.

At any rate, even if I weighed 300 pounds, my weight has absolutely nothing to do with my ability as a teacher, which is what I was hired to do.

The Principal

When I decided, back in June, to renew my contract, I was called into a meeting with the Principal. My coteachers (English names Emily and Lisa) came with me to translate. And I was told that the Principal asked me, "Why do you want to stay in Korea? Don't you want to get married? How will you find a husband here?"

This was humiliating to me and in the U.S., such a question would be illegal in the workplace. However, again, since I am sensitive to Korean culture, I simply said that I was happy here, and did not have an answer as to when, if, or how I would marry.

You have told me that in Korean culture, people say things like, "You are fat. Why don't you lose weight?" and "Why don't you have a boyfriend? Why are you not married?" and that these are questions that are not insults, but a gesture of caring. However, it's my understanding that this is not Korean culture. Universally, this is rude. Such questions and statements are rude and shameful and ARE insulting. I would also like to say that when people call other people fat, this cannot truly and honestly be seen as a sign of caring. It is the opposite of caring. It is shaming.

My Head Co-Teacher and the Principal

When Lisa told me a couple of weeks ago that I "should" exercise in the school gym, because I "must" lose weight, I was humiliated and unhappy. I told her so. I told her that I was uncomfortable, that I did not want to work out in a co-ed gym, and she said that I should do this with her, that I should do it every day at 3 pm, during school hours, and I did not believe I had a choice in the matter. Lisa strongly implied that this "suggestion" or "order" or "mandate" or "recommendation" or whatever you want to call it, came from the principal. When she took me to the gym, the principal was there to greet us.

The following Tuesday, when I first made my way to the school gym, Lisa told me to go at 3 pm, and that she could not go with me because she was busy, and that I should go by myself.

On my way to the gym, after running into the Principal and my co-teacher (English name Dennis), I decided I would not go. Dennis had asked me where I was going and why, and I told him, "They're making me go to the gym every day." He said, "Who is making you?" and I pointed to the school and said, "They." When the Principal came by, the two of them talked, and I asked Dennis what had happened, and he told me, "It's true. But the Principal said you should come to the gym AFTER school, not during school hours."

I decided that I would be humiliated no longer, that no one could force me to exercise, and that most certainly no one could force me to exercise OUTSIDE of school hours.

When I got back to the office, I told Lisa, "I have decided not to go to the gym. The principal wants me to go after school, and that is my time. Please tell the principal that if he doesn't like my body, it's his problem. It is not my problem. This is my body. Not his." Lisa did not deny that it was the principal's idea. She was upset that I was saying "No."

Lisa and I walked part way to the metro station that day, and she kept asking me why I had changed my mind. I kept telling her the same thing over and over again -- this is my body. If I want to lose weight, I will do it on my own time. It is a personal matter. A VERY personal matter. A person's body should never be discussed by anyone but the person herself. I explained this to her. I told her that if the principal has a problem with this, she should tell him that it is against my culture to exercise at school. Again, she never denied that it was the principal's idea for me to exercise.

Lisa never denied that at all, that it was the principal's idea for me to exercise (in fact, this was not presented to me as an "idea" but an ORDER), until the next day, in the Principal's office.

I called SMOE and asked them to call the school to explain that my body is a personal matter, and that no one should discuss it, it is inappropriate to "order" or "recommend" me to exercise.

The First Meeting in the Principal's Office Last Wednesday

One of the first things that happened when I got to school the next day is that one of my co-teachers (English name Emily) said to me, "I understand your feelings completely. But I also understand the Principal's feelings completely. He just wants us all to be healthy."

Now, this is proof that it was the principal's recommendation/order.

When I was called into the Principal's office for a meeting last Wednesday, I was subjected to a lot of doublespeak.

The first thing that happened is that the principal spent 10 minutes shouting at me and shouting at Dennis, and I was extremely uncomfortable. It was clear to me that Dennis was being used as a scapegoat because he translated for me the previous day when I ran into him and the Principal outside the school gym. Furthermore, it is inappropriate for the principal to shout at me. It's rude and unprofessional.

During the meeting, I was told:

1. The principal never ordered me to exercise, only made a recommendation.
2. Simultaneously, Lisa (my head co-teacher) told me that the principal had never said ANTYTHING about me exercising, that it had only been HER idea and no one else's.

So, you see, I knew that someone was lying. You cannot tell me that the principal only made a "recommendation" to me and then at the same time tell me that the principal never said ANYTHING about me exercising. Obviously, he did.

That day, in the office, just MINUTES after being told that the principal had never "ordered" me to do anything, he only made a "recommendation," I asked Lisa, "Lisa, are you telling me that the principal had nothing to do with you telling me to go to the gym. Are you telling me that he has never said anything about me exercising?"

And she said, "No, no, no, it was only me, it was my idea, only me!"

You can see that I was told two different things -- opposite things -- in that meeting, and I don't like being lied to. I believe that every single coteacher is protecting the principal and that Lisa is lying to protect him.

We all know that it was the principal's idea.

We all KNOW that the principal, in fact, ORDERED it.

We all KNOW that the principal tried to FORCE me to exercise, that I said "No," and now every single coteacher who said otherwise (including Lisa) is lying to protect him, since he found out from the Seoul Metropolitan Office of Education that he could NOT order me to exercise.

Also during the meeting, I noticed that whenever Lisa said anything, she was shouted at by the principal or vice principal, and this made me extremely uncomfortable. It is unprofessional to shout at coworkers. It is shameful to shout at anyone in a work environment. Every time the principal or vice principal shouted at her, my head co-teacher became quiet, so I can only assume they were telling her to be quiet.

Later I was told by a few of my co-teachers that what Dennis had done was wrong. That he should not have translated for me that day we met the Principal outside the school gym. But Dennis didn't do anything wrong; he translated perfectly, he escorted me back to the teacher's office, and the blame for this entire fiasco should be laid solely at the feet of the principal and my head co-teacher, Lisa.

Lunch With My Head Co-Teacher

Lisa took me to lunch that day, and ominously, out of nowhere, she began asking me questions about Dennis, if I knew if he wanted to renew his contract with Yale, if I knew anything about his plans. I know nothing about Dennis and his plans; he is only one of my coteachers. Lisa told me during lunch that Dennis doesn't know how to control the students, that he's not a very good teacher ... and so forth. I told her that in the classes that I coteach with him, he is an excellent teacher. And that every single teacher at this school has problems controlling the students because they are, after all, teenage girls.

She also told me to NOT talk to Dennis anymore. Dennis is one of my coworkers -- of course I will talk to him if I want to. You cannot force me to only talk to certain people in the office.

Again, it became clear to me that Dennis is being used as some type of scapegoat, that he is taking the blame for the actions of the principal and my head co-teacher, and this is unacceptable and wrong. This is an outrage because Dennis has nothing to do with my decision to refuse to exercise at the school gym, and nothing to do with me giving my resignation.

And so, due to all of this, I decided to utilize my right in my contract and give a one-month's notice of resignation.

Yesterday's Meeting With the Principal and My Co-Teacher Jey as Translator

While I was in the principal's office yesterday, Jey was extremely hostile towards me. I do not know how much of this came from the principal, but she told me that I am destroying the contract, that I have not fulfilled the obligations of the contract, that I have a "plan" and that the principal should be made aware of my plan. I explained that the principal knows my plan since he has my letter of resignation.

She also told me that I should have called the principal to tell him I was sick, and not my head coteacher, and that when I returned to school, I should have told the principal, NOT my head coteacher, that I was well again. Nobody told me this! You pointed to my contract where it says I should let my "EMPLOYER" know that I'm sick, and that my EMPLOYER is the principal, and I was confused as to 1. How I was supposed to know this, when everyone has always told me to talk directly to my head coteacher and 2. How, even if I were clairvoyant, this could be accomplished since the Principal doesn't speak English. You forced me to miss a class to listen to you tell me that I did not fulfill my contract obligations regarding my sick day, but I fulfilled them COMPLETELY and TOTALLY and in fact, you were in violation of my contract by not allowing me to go to my class.

Multiple times, I asked for my words to be translated to the Principal, and multiple times, I asked for the Principal's words to be translated to me, and they were not always translated. Being forced to miss my first class was unacceptable. I told Jey that this was unacceptable, and she told me "The Principal has the right to control your class schedule." This was an outrage. I am being paid to teach classes and lesson plan; I am not being paid to sit in the Principal's office for an hour and being told that I am "destroying" the contract when in fact, I have done no such thing. It is within my right to give notice and I did.

And so I became very angry and frustrated. If the school wanted to act with grace and wanted to set a good example for foreigners, and their opinions of Korea, and if you wanted there to not be a scandal or problems yesterday, the principal should have just accepted my resignation without question. And Jey should never have told me that I was destroying the contract and not filling my obligations. Because I am not destroying the contract; I am utilizing Article 6, which gives me the right to resign. I was very polite in my resignation letter, and have been very polite up until the few seconds before I left yesterday.

I refuse to be berated and accused of things that are false. I also refused to be held captive and told that I "cannot" leave the principal's office. Of course I could leave; of course I can resign; I have done nothing but fulfill my contract obligations and I resent being told that I have not. I have done NOTHING wrong.

I spoke with SMOE and they told me to come in today, give you another official resignation, have a meeting with the principal OUTSIDE OF CLASS HOURS and explain that I do, in fact, wish to resign, and that I do have the right to finish teaching my classes, as per the contract. So, please, let me make this clear once again: I do not wish to stay for the entire year. I emphatically want to end my contract per the contract obligations, and I don't want there to be any more problems.

Recommendations for Your School

In the future, for future foreign teachers, everyone at this school should understand the following:

1. It is considered humiliating to a foreigner to be called "fat" or to be told she "must lose weight." It is rude, inappropriate and unacceptable. No matter how good a Korean person's intentions are, the outcome is never positive on the part of the foreigner. Furthermore, I don't believe this is a cultural issue. It is a matter of good manners, which are universal.

2. I KNOW that the principal either "recommended" or "suggested" or said I "could" or "should" use the school gym after school every day at 4 pm. I KNOW this. This was also humiliating and inappropriate and not a cultural misunderstanding.

You can avoid this problem with future teachers by telling future teachers at the start of their contract that the school gym is open for them to use IF they WANT TO after school hours -- and then never bring it up again.

3. It is shameful to ask a female foreigner, "Why don't you have a boyfriend? Why aren't you married? Don't you want to get married?" These are also EXTREMELY personal questions and they cause grave discomfort to most foreigners. It is a particularly shameful and inappropriate thing when it is done repeatedly. And it is even MORE shameful and inappropriate to tell this/ask this of a woman. Because it implies that a woman's worth is dependent on her having a boyfriend or husband. Again, when you shame someone by telling them they are fat and/or need to lose weight, this is directly tied into telling a woman implicitly that her worth is dependent on her physical appearance, and that she should LOOK a certain way because she NEEDS to look a certain way in order to have a boyfriend/husband. Westerners believe that our self-worth and our dignity as human beings have NOTHING to do with whether or not we look a certain way, nor whether or not we are involved with a man.

4. The principal should not shout at me, should not shout at future foreigners at this school, and should not shout at his employees. It is unprofessional, rude, and as I understand it, NOT a part of Korean culture.

Every day, my students tell me that they are fat and ugly. That they wish they were thin and beautiful. In many cases, they are ALREADY thin and beautiful and in many cases, they are of what I would consider normal body weight, and in some cases, they are overweight, and they are STILL ALL beautiful.

You have presented me with this: Korean culture is "health" based. But it is not. It is "asthetics" based. I know what my body looks like because I see it in the mirror every day. My body does not look like the typical Korean female body and that is because I have a Western body with curves and, yes, with fat. It does NOT mean that I am unhealthy. As a matter of fact, I just took my mandatory yearly physical and I am 100 percent healthy. A thin body does not necessarily equal a healthy body. And my body, simply because it is heavier than the typical Korean female body, does not mean that it is unhealthy.

Some of the students here are starving themselves; you know this. Some of them do not eat enough and most of them do not sleep enough, and that is unhealthy. Many Korean women (and American women, too) starve themselves to be thin. This is not healthy. I do not deny that there is an obesity problem in the United States, but I am not obese. And even I was, it would be a private matter between me and my doctor. Again, let me reiterate -- you must not make comments on a woman's body. It is a violation of that woman. It is inherently abusive.

Last week, over and over again, I was told that my head co-teacher, Lisa, and the Principal, just want me to be "healthy." I am already healthy. You may truly believe that you want me to be healthy, and you may truly believe that you are just "trying to help," but I must tell you that this is NOT the case as I see it. As I see it, as a Western woman, you simply want me to look more like a typical Korean woman -- thin. Again, thin does not equal healthy. A report indicates that one in five women in Korea intentionally undernourishes herself. This is not healthy.

Korean culture (as I see it, as you have presented to me) claims that Korean food is very healthy, that everyone cares about everyone's health. If this was true, then sodium levels would be lowered in Korean food. Foods like kimchi, typically served at every meal and definitely served every day in the school cafeteria, are high in sodium and links have been found between the high sodium levels in Korean food and cancer. Korea has the second-highest rate in the world of stomach cancer. Some of this is genetics, but doctors believe that some of it is diet. Korean culture (as I understand it) also encourages sleep deprivation, which is not healthy. Korea has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, and I think that we can all agree that suicide is not healthy. But if my workplace is at all representative of Korean culture, I can understand why. I have seen my coteachers get screamed at by the principal and vice principal. I have seen that when a coteacher makes even a small error -- a typo, for example -- they are screamed at and shamed and told that mistakes are forbidden. As we all know, we are all human, and thus, every single one of us makes mistakes.

Another part of the Korean culture, as I understand it through my Western eyes, is an obsession with plastic surgery. Plastic surgery is not healthy. Women are willingly getting their faces cut open so that they can have bigger eyes, a smaller face, a different nose. If Korean culture was, as you say, and has been told to me so often, obsessed with "health," then women would not be doing this to themselves because there is nothing healthy about getting a perfectly good face cut open.

I understand that I am just a Westerner and it is NOT my job to make any type of Western-based changes to either this school or this culture. I am living in Korea and it is my job to be culturally sensitive. However, as hosts to foreign teachers, it is also your job to be culturally sensitive. I am only telling you what I believe, why I do not wish to stay here any longer, and have made recommendations on what you should say and do to future foreigners to make their time here more pleasant.

When you tell me that you want me to lose weight to be healthy, I think what you mean is actually, "I want you to be thin." Let me repeat - thin does not necessarily mean healthy. And bodies that are NOT thin do not necessarily mean unhealthy.

Again, I would like to tell you that you have a beautiful school with wonderful students, and all of my coteachers have been extremely helpful to me, both inside the classroom and outside the classroom. The problems that I have outlined in this letter are the reasons why I am leaving, but I spent a great 14 months here and do not consider these problems representative of my time here. They were unfortunate problems that can't be rectified to the extent that I would be willing to stay: however, I think you will have a much easier time with your next foreign teacher, especially if it's a woman, knowing my thoughts and where I'm coming from, and why I'm leaving.

Should I Have Pulled a Midnight Run?

2011-11-08T11:06:00.002+09:00

Yesterday:

Yesterday, I called in sick. Koreans never call in sick; they wait until their bodies have completely broken down, and then they go to the hospital and, in severe cases, spend up to a year off of work. But because I am now a rebel (if there was one thing I learned from watching Breaking Bad and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, it's this: if you're going to go rebel, you might as well go all the way) I decided to OH MY GOD, GASP! call in sick yesterday. Because I was actually sick. A few days ago, I woke up with a sore throat (it's just a common cold).

I spent the day alternatively feverish, sneezing and coughing, and the other part dozing in the bask of pharmaceuticals (there's a drugstore on every corner and they all speak some form of English. One of the ladies at one of the local pharmacies noticed the sweat on my forehead, asked, "Fever?" and I said yes, and then it was a bag o' pills. I love you, Korean pharmacies!)

Today:

Today, I emailed SMOE and printed out three copies of my resignation letter. I got to the office a little early because I had lesson planning to do.

The head teacher of the office comes over to ask how I'm feeling. So do two of my co-teachers. I'm fine.

My head co-teacher comes to work, asks how I"m feeling. "A lot better," I tell her, which is true, though my voice is croaking a bit. "A lot better than I sound," I amend.

And then I hand her my resignation letter and tell her I'm leaving the school.

I tell my close coteacher as well. She is distraught. "I understand," she tells me. "Please keep in touch with me. Email me." We make eye contact and I promise I will.

My male coteacher who stuck up for me says, "We must have a pint before you leave Korea." Of course, I tell him. I apologize that he's taken the fall for me. He tells me that yesterday, when I called in sick, the entire department descended upon him and demanded to know if he knew anything about my illness. They don't believe that I have been acting of my own accord recently; they believe he has corrupted me.

I tell him that I will write a letter of recommendation for him. The office has ostracized him; he has a sick wife and two teenage daughters. He says he knows he must start to look for a job and he intends to start looking for a job in December.

So, sure enough, the first thing that my head co-teacher does when she reads over my resignation is head straight to my male co-teacher and she starts shouting at him. I attempt to intervene, but my male co-teacher doesn't want my help; he tells me, softly, to "Stop it." I go back to my desk.

Twenty minutes later, I'm called in to the principal's office. I protest. "I have a class in 10 minutes," I tell my close coteacher. "So do I," she says grimly, and we make our way to the principal's office.

And all hell breaks loose.

The principal is not satisfied with my male coteacher, nor my close coteacher as translators. So he calls in one of my other coteachers I'm not close to.

And thus begins the Shaming of Eve:

In the Principal's Office

The principal is, of course, shouting. All is confusion. My coteacher tells me that I should have come directly to the principal to take a sick day. And that I should have come directly to his office today, to tell him WHY I was sick.

I say, "The Principal doesn't speak English. Everyone always told me to go to my head co-teacher."

The principal rants for awhile, and my now-evil co-teacher tells me that it is a matter of etiquette, etc.

I say, "No one told me this"

The bell rings; my class is started. "I have a class now," I tell them.

My coteacher tells me, "The Principal has the right to control your class schedule."

They move on to the contract. More shouting. Big thick books are pulled out of drawers and they are all pointing to the part where it says I must let the EMPLOYER know about my sick day, not my head co-teacher.

I say, "Ask the principal what's more important: his ego or the education of the students? I'm missing my class."

How much of this is translated? Who knows.

Another 10 or 15 minutes of this, and then they move on to my resignation. My now-evil coteacher, translating for the Principal (and perhaps adding a bit to suck up to him) tells me: "You are destroying your contract. Your contract was for one year. The contract is a mutual thing between you and the principal. But when you give your one-month notice, it is no longer a mutual thing; it is a one-way thing. And the principal wants to know why."

I say, "Do not tell me that I am destroying the contract. I have fulfilled the contract obligations and I have the right to give a one-month notice. Translate for him!"

She does not.

She continues, "What you are doing is wrong. The principal says that yesterday you took a sick day and today you give your resignation, that you have a plan in your head that he is not aware of. You should have told him your plan."

I look at her in amazement. "He knows my plan; he has my resignation."

They speak a lot of Korean. A LOT. I ask a few times, "Please translate for me!" and they do not. They are shouting. Sometimes, they are shouting at me, sometimes they are shouting at my coteacher.

More than once, I say out loud, "I am extremely uncomfortable." This is not translated either.

I look up at the clock; my first period has ended. I have a second period in 10 minutes. I have been in the principal's office for nearly an hour.

I ask, "Can I go to my second class?"

My now-evil coteacher does not answer me directly. She repeats, "The principal has the right to control your class schedule." She keeps repeating, "You are DESTROYING the contract! You have not fulfilled your obligations! This is a contract between YOU and the Principal! What you are doing IS WRONG!"

She's in my face. She's the Principal's mouthpiece; it is her job to protect him; it is her job to administer shame and anger on his behalf.

I've had enough.

I get up and tell my co-teacher, "I'm leaving."

My co-teacher says, "You can't do that."

I say, "Watch me."

And I walk straight out of the office and the door closes loudly behind me.

I'm in a panic. I email SMOE, telling them what's happened.

On my way out of the office, the male coteacher who stood up for me comes over and says, "No 30 days? You're leaving today?"

The head teacher of the office comes over, but she doesn't say a word.

And this is my moment.

I lose control and freak out.

"I AM A TEACHER HERE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I WON'T BE HELD HOSTAGE IN THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE! THEY SAID I AM DESTROYING THE CONTRACT AND I HAVE DONE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU HAVE EVER ASKED OF ME! I HAVE FULFILLED MY CONTRACT OBLIGATIONS! AND YOU KNOW IT!!!! I AM A TEACHER AND THEY ARE FORCING ME TO MISS MY CLASSES TO LISTEN TO THE PRINCIPAL SHOUT! NO! NO! NO! THIS IS WRONG! I'M A TEACHER! I'M A TEACHER!"

And I walk down the stairs, through the campus, through the front gates.

Later:

Before SMOE had a chance to call my school, my school called them.

This is all a big misunderstanding, they told SMOE. This is just a cultural misunderstanding.

SMOE told me to take today off to cool down. And then go back into work tomorrow, apologize (SMOE said, "I know it will be difficult, but perhaps to end things on good terms, it's best to tell them you're sorry for leaving today,") tell them that I want to end things on good terms, have one official meeting with my principal outside of class hours and give ANOTHER "official" resignation (if that's what I really want to do, and I assured him it is) and that hopefully, at the end of my 30 days, we'll all be happy people, leaving on good terms, leaving with smiles, etc. etc.

He said that he asked them to do their part and now he's asking me to do mine. To keep the social/cultural fabric intact.

I told him I would, and I said, "The only thing I want is to be able to teach my classes until my last day and NOT get screamed at by the Principal anymore."

"I understand," he said.

Leaving Seoul

2011-11-06T20:09:00.005+09:00

After much consideration, I've decided to give my one-month notice to my school tomorrow. Sadly, that means I'll have to pay back $700 of the bonus they gave me (leaving within the first six months of the contract), but I guess my peace of mind is worth at least that much.

When I think back to all the terrible stuff I've gone through this past year, what I always felt and was always grateful for was my job. The girls saved me. I would be having a streak of bad luck, and I would be in near-tears at my desk ... and then it would be Peppero Day and I'd get a bunch of treats. Or, I would be in the midst of heartache, feeling a stunning and dramatic amount of pain ... and then it would be Teacher's Day. Or, I could have just been totally lied to and disrespected (like last week) and then I'd give a class where we were studying:

I want to buy a _____. Where is the _____?
Example: I want to buy a book. Where is the bookstore?

And one of my students would pipe up with this:

"I want to buy a boyfriend. Where is the boys' middle school?"

The girls know that I'm easily scandalized and they sometimes love to see my reaction ("OH, GIRLS, OH MY GOD, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? OH MY GOD!" etc.)

Over the past 14 months, really, the only thing that made it worth it for me to get up in the morning, made it worth it for me to NOT pack my bags and head out, was the girls, the girls, the girls.

Having a massive amount of support at my school was secondary -- but when that crumbled away, it became clear to me that I could not stay.

It's funny how life happens. Back in March, I was feuding with one of my male co-teachers, because he spent 15 years in the west and was NOT down with the Korean Chain of Command. He kept telling me how evil the Principal and Vice Principal were, but I couldn't listen because I was too distracted by his close talk and his violations of my space.

I now realize that I was witnessing a man who was drowning in the system. He had surgically attached himself to me because he thought I would understand. But I couldn't understand, because it wasn't happening to me.

Over the summer, when we had summer camp together, I mended things with him. I told him, "Look, what you are experiencing is not what I am experiencing. I am outside the system, you know. I can't even understand the language."

As it turns out, my once foe turned out to be my greatest ally when things went bad with my principal and head co-teacher. He alone, for reasons I will never understand, stood up for me, voiced his opinion, and now he's been ostracized and is looking for another job. This after two days of being berated by the People in Charge.

I guess I will rhapsodize more about this at a later point ... what can I say about the whole thing, really? I had terrible luck with men and with the social scene here. I had pretty good luck in that I got close to a handful of women I could really talk to, really call friends. I had very good luck with my school, but that luck ran out.

I always just tried to do the right thing. Whatever my school asked me to do, I did. I took to my blog to rant about things (if there is one thing I could take back, it would be making comments on anyone's blogs here in Korea -- one should never suck up to another blogger, because one never knows when that blogger will turn on them) and perhaps that was a mistake. It was one that could not be helped; the words pour out of me, I hit the publish button almost without thinking about it; I forgot that getting little veiled threats (from men, always from men) on my blog's no picnic.

What I believe is that no two experiences are exactly alike, and that there are many people here who can make nice lives for themselves with little to no problems. I also believe that there are many people here who leave this place with a foul taste in their mouths, and it's not because they did anything wrong ... it's not because they just didn't "get it" or were close-minded, or didn't do enough research, or did too much research and had certain expectations ... it's not any of those things. It's that they had bad experiences, perhaps had bad luck, and didn't have the advantages that some other people (who thrive in Korea) have.

I have one more month to go, and the only thing I can think of to help mend myself, my bruised ego, and the trauma that was the majority of my experience in Korea, is to spend the winter someplace warm. Some place with a beach. Some place where I can write and read and take long walks, some place where I can feel a little peace.

No Korean Spoken Here: Go Away (and Fuck Off)

2011-11-03T17:25:00.005+09:00

It was only my second or third day in Korea when a Korean-American in my orientation group shamed me for not learning the Korean language. "Korean is the best language in the world!" he said.

A few weeks later, I posted on my Facebook something about how I wasn't going to learn the Korean language (and later, I made a video of a conversation I had with the head teacher at my school), and sure as shit, some foreigner who had been in the country for about five minutes wrote something like, "Time for you to take off those Western-colored glasses, honey! Korean is the best visual representation of a language! It's been proven by SCIENTISTS!"

I can't find anything online to back this up. I think it's a lot of bullshit myself, but even if it were true, I just don't care.

Last semester and over the summer, a few of my favorite students tried to teach me the letters. They would point at me in the halls and warn me that they would "test me." I failed every test but didn't have the heart to tell them that I just didn't care. I instead explained that, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, non-Koreans are quite stupid, and it was just impossible for me to learn it. They were sad, but they understood. Poor American teacher.

Some time later, I would hear from foreigners who were learning Korean that quite often, they could understand other Koreans talking about them in their presence. As you can imagine, a lot of it was quite cruel. I myself have been shouted at once or twice (not more than that, really), and I don't know what they're saying, I just know that it's not good.

Unlike Spanish, which I can communicate at a pre-intermediate level, and Russian, where I can communicate like a retarded toddler, I just do not find the language here worth studying. I don't like the way it sounds; I don't like the way it looks. Seoul makes it easy on us foreigners; almost everything is bilingual and most people speak at least some English. There is simply no real need for me to learn Korean. Foreigners in Russia (even in Moscow) pretty much HAVE to at least learn the alphabet unless they plan to spend their entire time lost and afraid. There is no such fear here.

Anyways, I write all of this because for the most part, I've been glad and happy to not know the language. My days at work, when I'm at my desk, are spent in a fuzzy cocoon. Principal is screaming? I don't care anymore; I don't know what he's saying. Vice Principal is shouting? Doesn't take time out of my day. I sit down on the subway and the person sitting next to me looks at me and gets up and sits somewhere else? Two men talk to each other and look at me? I know they're talking about me; since I don't understand, I can't be bothered to get upset.

Recently, I've been dealing with some things at work that have, NO DOUBT, been dealt with my many, many, MANY teachers before me, particularly female teachers. They've been talking about me in front of me. I never cared until today.

Yesterday, I was called into a tense meeting with the Principal, Vice Principal, my head co-teacher and one of my other co-teachers. It was actually the male co-teacher I used to have a big problem with. The reason why I had a big problem with him was because he has a big problem with the way Korean culture has been so exaggerated at my conservative Christian school. I didn't know, had never experienced what he had been complaining about, so I thought he was whining.

I was wrong. I was dead wrong. Every single thing he ever complained about regarding the Principal, in particular, turned out to be totally valid.

The Principal spent about 10 minutes shouting at my male co-teacher, barking at my head co-teacher whenever she piped up, and giving me nasty little glances. After 10 minutes of me glaring at him, I finally interrupted him and said, "IS SOMEONE GOING TO TRANSLATE FOR ME?"

They did, but they left one part out.

Today, I asked my male co-teacher, "What EXACTLY did the Principal say yesterday?"

On my way in to the Principal's office, I'd been bowing and smiling and waving, and doing my "Anyanghaseyos" and all that.

My co-teacher took a deep breath. And he said, "The first thing the Principal said to you when we walked in was, 'Shut up! Stop smiling!' I was shocked."

That will be the last time I bow to that motherfucker.

A Little Bit About Confucianism:

It's my understanding that Korean-style Confucianism means a strict patriarchy in which one male at the top is in charge of everyone below him, and everyone MUST defer to the person above him/her (and the person above you is always older and is always a man). However, the person "at the top" is supposed to use his power for good, not evil.

Korean culture, all the really oppressive and harmful parts of it (in particular, the harmful and violent ways it oppresses women) is, like I said, very much exaggerated in my work place. I have no doubt that there are companies out there that are progressive, where women make equal pay, where they are not subjected to harassment, etc.

I can tell you that that is NOT the case in my school.

I always respected Korean culture (I dubbed it the Korean Chain of Command) because the people at the top were always nice to me. I respected them because I thought they deserved it.

And the reason why I thought they deserved it was because I couldn't understand a fucking thing they said.

As it turns out, my Principal is, in fact, a ruthless, controlling, domineering, manipulative liar. And all the women (who are terrorized and terrified of him) support him and protect him. Especially when a foreigner, for the first time in the history of my school, actually had the audacity to tell him, "No."

I now realize that even though I never swallowed all the kimchi-Kool-Aid, I did take a few sips of that Confucianism bullshit because I thought I was being all open-minded and culturally sensitive and all that.

But no longer.

I hated it here when I first got here, and then I slowly came around, and now I've gone full circle.

Korean culture is inherently oppressive, harmful and violent towards women, and that is NOTHING that anyone should have to accept, tolerate or be sensitive to. Looking at plastic surgery statistics, suicide rates, statistics regarding eating disorders, domestic violence and rape, etc., etc., etc. . . I have decided that Korea can take its cancer-causing kimchi and go fuck itself.

One of These Days

2011-10-31T09:19:00.008+09:00

One of these days in Korea, I'm going to freak the fuck out.

I'm going to freak out and since everyone in Korea has a smartphone, someone will capture it, and they'll put it on YouTube, and thousands (okay, FINE, hundreds) of people will leave comments about how crazy I am, and a dozen bloggers will write about how crazy I am, and the Korean blogger circle jerk will orgasm with delight as I have a public meltdown.

They will write things like:

"Tee-hee! Look at her freak out! Psy-cho! Hee-hee."

"She TOTALLY deserves it. OMG, did you like, READ what she said about us?"

"Oh, she just obviously wanted the attention. I mean, look at her, crying and screaming and throwing shit. OBVIOUSLY an attention whore. Look at her throw her little tantrum! Look at her PMS out! OMG, I hope they throw her ass out of here. Tee-hee!"

(These are women who will be saying this.)

Men will comment extensively on my physical appearance and whether or not I am pretty/fuckable enough to be worthy of sympathy. (That's all that matters, you know.)

Blogger after blogger after blogger will smugly take to their laptops and inform the world, "There is just NO excuse for this type of behavior."

There will be video responses from a dozen people tsk-tsking. There will be one or two solemn and thoughtful commentaries and these will be met with:

"I can't believe you're DEFENDING her. Clearly, she has issues!
"Waah-waah!"
"Blah blah blah, poor little me! It's NO EXCUSE!!!"

The anti-foreign Korean media will seize on the footage and assume that I am mentally unbalanced and/or intoxicated.

Because my head co-teacher is in charge of me, my coworkers and bosses will blame her.

"Where the HELL were you?" the Principal and Vice Principal will shout at her. "This foreigner has brought SHAME to our school, to our country. YOU were in charge. How could YOU let this happen???? This is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

One or two commentators will remark that I was obviously not eating enough kimchi.

Nobody will ask, "I wonder what happened to her. I wonder what she went through here. I wonder what types of experiences she had that sent her over the edge."

You Just Cannot Win When You Blog

2011-10-24T20:21:00.001+09:00

When I started to blog from Russia, raving about how wonderful everything was, long-timers, people who had lived in Russia for years, showed up to tell me how stupid I was. How soon, the rose-colored glasses would come off, and I'd be eating my Pollyanna bullshit.

When I first started to blog from Korea, saying how hard it was, people came here to tell me that I just "didn't understand" the culture. Because like, don't you GET it? You're not in America anymore!

When I wrote about the bad things that happened in Russia, some people showed up in solidarity and agreed that man, I'd been done WRONG!

And of course, some people showed up to tell me what a moron I was. Because, like, Russia is NOT America, stupid!

You get the picture.

I haven't gone back and counted or done any statistics or anything. But what I wonder, and what has been brought to my attention over and over again, is: Why does the negative stuff get so much more attention than the positive stuff ("stuff" meaning "things I have experienced.") And why are dissenters generally so much more vocal than supporters? And thus, receive more of my attention?

I have no idea.

And why oh why is this not shouted on TEFL boards and blogs?

Take my reports of my experiences as just one part of a whole, because everyone's experiences are different here. What I say has been experienced by others; look at the kind of person you are, look at your own bio, look at yourself honestly and compare yourself with others who are like you, and then, only then, will you have some VERY vague idea of what is in store for you.

People like to say, "The trick is to have no expectations."

But this is such a LIE that people tell themselves! Everyone has some type of expectation or another.

My Breaking Point

2011-10-14T11:05:00.014+09:00

Sadly, one of my many character flaws is that I'm sensitive and thin-skinned; I've mentioned this before. And it's easy to get my goat. Poke me with a stick, poke me harder, and then we're like crazed, caged monkeys. The kind that poke sticks and fling shit at each other. Maybe I should take up meditation and quit drinking. But that doesn't sound like me.

What Would Fucktards Do?

2011-10-13T09:05:00.020+09:00

Most of you know that the guy who writes the "Burndog's Burnblog" also writes most of the blog posts at the Tumblr "What Would Fucktard Do?" blog. (whatwouldfucktarddo.tumblr.com) Now, the Burndog blogger (his name's "Matt," as you know, from Formspring), actually sent out a call several months ago. He apparently wanted to start an anonymous blog to not sully the Burndog blog with anonymous rants.

Yep, that's how much this guy hates anonymous commentators -- he wanted a whole anonymous blog!

Well. Me? I thought this was a lovely idea. He's over there having imaginary conversations with some guy named "Dave"? Brilliance! Here is my first email to Matt:

My First Email to Matt/aka Burndog

Me: me. i want in. all i do is rant about fuckers i hate. i mean of course i do more than that ... but hah. no really. lemme in!!!!!! i know i'm just a girl, but lemme in!!!!! "I want to be able to be honest about some fucktards in a way that the Burnblog won't allow." i try to do that on my blog but then people FREAK the fuck out!!! i swear to god, every time i open my goddamned mouth, it does't matter WHAT i say, SOME one is going to take offense. i can contribute, of course. psycho chicks with korean boyfriends who can't speak english, fucktard english teachers, crazy old men on the subway, korea is best, fan death is real ... etc. etc.

Matt/Burndog: O.K. You're in! I'm writing the first real post now. The intro post is up...and so is my first post by an anonymous interloper. I'm quite chuffed that I managed to get a contributor on my very first day...it's exactly what this blog's about. A place for people to slag people off in an anonymous fashion! It's working already!

And Thus a Contributor to What Would Fucktard Do? Was Born

Hell, I advertised for him on Twitter and Facebook. I even played along with his little "Dave" game:

http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/05/eves-rule-for-being-expat-in-korea.html (look at the comments section)

We jerked each other off for awhile, commenting positively on each other's blog, occasionally exchanging emails.

I submitted a few things to his "anonymous" "fucktard" blog -- go back and peek and see if you can find mine!

I even worried that people would find out that he and Dave were one and the same:

An Email:

Me: but i thought you wanted it to be secret? your "burndog" name is in there ...

Matt (Burndog): I think that in thanking myself for the link...it suggests that I may be friends with Dave...but might not actually be Dave! I don't know...it's kind of a clue for those who don't know but want to know.

And Then, There Was the Black Bus Guy/N-Word Fiasco

Rumors and stupidity lead to extremely wrong information. Some of you can't read carefully; you wrote in the comment section of my last blog post that I'd written anonymous comments on Roboseyo's blog.

Except I never did. I have NEVER written an anonymous comment on Roboseyo's blog. EVER.

I DID write anonymous comments on Burndog's Burnblog, and Matt cheerfully and studiously went about studying his IP addresses, made the connection, and wrote about it in his "What Would Fucktard Do" blog: http://whatwouldfucktarddo.tumblr.com/post/9940536912/fucktard-would-think-theyre-anonymous).

A Word About Shaming Someone Publicly

Oh, wow, man, that HURT! Getting sold out by some guy who I thought of as an internet friend? Especially since -- GET THIS -- that very night I made those anonymous comments, I wrote him an apology. Without outing myself as the anonymous person who wrote this anonymous comment: "I'm No Picasso thinks she's special because she bangs Korean guys."

That is what I wrote as an anonymous comment. So there you have it.

Here's some more correspondence between me and Burndog:

Matt (Burndog): Holy shit! People are going loco at you! Sorry that everyone's getting on your case...it seems that Roboseyo is a protected species!

Me: Basically, if I disagree with any of the big bloggers (your buddy Liz included), it means I'm a racist, bigot, sexist, and I'm probably fucking retarded, too.

Matt (Burndog): Liz as a person is great...as a blogger? Well...she's getting more and more into the Crissy Snowflake, Brian Goldenballs, Roboseyo circle jerk crew...and it shits me to tears.

(Oh, really, now, Burndog/Matt/What Would Fucktard Do? But in the blog post that shames me, he says that Roboseyo is, "a decent read most days"!!!)

And in an email thread entitled "apology" (original apology was for a blog post I had written that I had worded wrong, and -- this is how much I cared about Burndog and his support -- I wrote him an apology in case he had somehow taken what I'd written the wrong way. He wrote back, "No need to apologise! I'm not stupid...and not insecure...so don't worry about it! I do stupid things sometimes...and am ignorant sometimes too...so again...I'm sorry if I offended you the other day. I am always happy to be corrected for my erroneous ways!")

and an effort to clean up my mess/cover my tracks, I wrote this:

Me: Hey. I've been following your blog the past hour or so. The problem was that some wanker left a link to your blog on roboseyo's blog. He sarcastically mentioned how classy i was, seeing as how i mentioned masturbating myself. :) From there, the circle jerk went into anonymous mode. Anyways, you're right about me and INP. I think I'll delete that comment; it was uncalled for and childish. You're also right about me and just choosing to NOT comment on the circle jerkers. would certainly make my life easier.

Matt (Burndog): I see! I was wondering why my blog was suddenly a hive of anonymous commenting fucktards! Still...no harm done...I deleted stuff...you deleted stuff...Liz deleted stuff...and we're all better for it!!

And I Thought That Was the End of It

But it wasn't.

We're all better for it? ... turns out, "we" weren't.

Like many of us, we write what we don't mean sometimes. In the heat of the moment, sometimes what we say gets out of hand. The "We're all better for it" guy made the whole thing into the now-notorious "What Would Fucktard Do?" blog post starring me ... and I had to laugh.

It was such a clever way of publicly shaming me! It worked like a charm. Point, set, match. Brilliance. Sheer brilliance.

But damn, it hurt to be outed like that. Damn, it was humiliating to be written about like that by a blogger I THOUGHT I had a relationship with. Damn, it felt like I'd just gotten stabbed in the back with a sharp-ass knife. He didn't even warn me that he was going to write about it. After everything I'd done for the Burndog blogger -- THIS is how he repays me? I made a mistake, apologized for it in any way I knew how ... but that wasn't good enough.

No, some people need to see the witch burned at the stake.

Bravo, burners! Bravo.

I wrote this to the Burndog blogger:

"i was thinking about that night when i wrote, from personal experience, i know that people write things under the cloak of anonymity that they'd never say to a person's face. it was humiliating to me, seeing myself acting so childish on your blog ... wish it had never happened."

A blogger who isn't in Korea recently wrote a blog post entitled "Trust no one."

I miss Russia. I miss the people in Moscow; I miss the students; I miss the architecture, and I miss the expats who were, for the most part, studious, loved Eastern Europe, were into history and culture.

I never knew that the blogging community here in Korea was such a cutthroat sport. This sort of shit just didn't happen in Russia.

Like I said, I never used the word "Kboys." No, in this blog post I wrote exactly what I did write.

Shall I defend my actions? Nah. Posting anonymous comments that insulted I'm No Picasso was stupid, childish, and wrong. After being publicly shamed by Matt/Burndog, I'm here to make a public apology, as well.

Shall I provide a context? I'd spent a week, online, arguing about the angry dude on the bus. I was astounded at the lack of compassion I saw from people online. I was bewildered by the amount of ignorance. I was amazed that there were so few people who could put themselves in that bus guy's shoes. I jumped into the blogosphere to provide another perspective, and was, for the most part, told that I was a bigot and a racist.

I get that some people don't want to be defended by me. Why would they want me as some type of weird "brown savior"? Nah, fuck that.

That guy on the bus haunts me. He really does. I feel his rage; I feel his anger; I feel his sadness and I know what it's like to be pushed once too far, once too often (even if the pushing is perceived).

Internet Bullies

You see how ugly the comment section got last night between me and Liz from I'm No Picasso? Did you feel my rage?

Liz has been my own personal Troll and Internet Bully for about six months now. She shows up and posts off topic; she insults me and others, and that night that I made those anonymous comments, I was so angry, so frustrated, and felt so impotent, that I made a mistake.

Last night? I'd already made peace with my mistake and realized that Liz is just a member of a majority here on the K-blogosphere that I wrote about during my last blog post (part of the majority of the foreigners in Korea, subscribe to that privileged way of thinking).

And I'm sick of getting shit on by her.

If you were bullied in grade school, your parents probably told you something like, "Just ignore them! They'll stop!"

You learned pretty quickly that it doesn't quite work the magic it's supposed to.

And One Last Word on Burndog

He wrote me yesterday. What a guy.

"Interesting return to the fray today! It certainly appears to have people whispering into their beards doesn't it? It will be interesting to see what happens next!"

And then he left a comment I deleted. As promised in my Comment Disclaimer, here it is:

"I'm not getting involved...BUT...you did use the term 'kboys' on my blog. I think that because you were writing in a different style...you most likely chose a term that you would never use.

Just so that we can clear that issue up."

Oh, Burndog -- you're not getting involved? But you ARE! Look at your "What Would Fucktard Do?" blog post that's making the rounds! Look at this making a comment right on my own blog? You're getting involved really nicely here!

I wrote him back:

"Now, I know you don't want to "get involved" as you say -- but I didn't use the word "Kboy." The word is not even part of my vocabulary. It's interesting that you seem to remember that I used that word, but I didn't. Everything that I DID say, I admitted to."

So, there you have it. You now have the full and complete story of me and what I wrote under anonymous on one -- just the one -- blog.

And you know what? Even if I DID use the word "Kboys" -- which I didn't -- Liz (I know you're reading this) -- so many of your "comrades" use that word all the time! But it doesn't seem to offend you. Might it be because your "comrades" are also ladies who think they're special because they bang Korean guys? I mean, "Kboys," as they gleefully call Korean men of a certain age?

You think you're all "feminist" because you do so?

I know several women -- some friends, some mere acquaintances -- who love their men, love their boyfriends, love their husbands -- and the men all happen to be Korean, but they don't write sexist, racist blogs about it. Not like you do. They're more secure that way.

A Sad Side-Trip

My last blog post raised a lot of ideas about important issues.

Did any intelligent conversation happen as a result?

Nope. Just a mud-slinging contest between two bloggers who hate each other.

And THAT is what the blogosphere is like in Korea.

I am ashamed to be a part of this sick group of bloggers in Korea.

And all of you who saw yourselves in my last blog post -- you should be ashamed of yourselves, too.

The Audience of Expat Bloggers and Commentators in South Korea

2011-10-11T20:18:00.012+09:00

I've refrained from writing and participating in the K-blog circle jerk for awhile. Mostly, because I realized this: the audience in South Korea is at least partly people I actively despise. And thus, the blog posts that have occasionally formed in my head are directed to a minority, a small group of people I actively despise.

The type of people I find myself writing to in my head are those that subscribe to the myth of equality. They are those that subscribe to the white supremacist line of thinking. They are those that have landed in South Korea to act out their Asian fetishes. They are those who grew up on the TV show "Sex and the City" and act out sex as a recreational sport. They are those who do not see that two seemingly opposing ideas can actually both be true. They are, overwhelmingly, white people who do not understand the difference between "anti-foreignerism" (not to be confused with xenophobia) and racism.

The audience here, in South Korea, is overwhelmingly ignorant. Of the minority of the minority who are not ignorant, there is stupidity.

I've said it many times before and I'll say it now: I do not possess superior intelligence. As a matter of fact, it annoys me when people refer to me as "super smart," because it indicates that one needs only a high IQ to understand the things I write about. It also indicates a sort of classism -- not everyone is privileged enough to be educated.

Most of the K-bloggers offend me, on a personal and deep level. The sickening Asian fetishes; the objectification of Korean men; the classist and egotistical ramblings of a few.

Later, I will explain in detail why I would not recommend anyone who has even a shred of decency in their bones to teach English in Korea. Later, I will tell you about the dozens of racist, sexist and flat-out stupid people I've met here. Later, I will write about how unless you toe the party line and swallow the myth of equality, and use it as a defense against those who query otherwise, and, in fact, use it as a defense for your own heinous deeds, and furthermore, use it as a defense to hide your own wounds, you are bound to fail as a writer/blogger here.

If you are a new person, desperate to make sense of the world around you here in Korea -- rest assured, there will be dozens of people eager to show off their knowledge and tell you how stupid you are.

If you have been here for a year -- guess what? There are dozens of people who will STILL tell you how stupid you are, because they've been here for two.

If you do not swallow the kimchi Kool-Aid, you will hear from those who have swallowed it and loved the taste.

If you DO swallow the Kool-Aid, you will hear from many people about how brainwashed and ignorant you are.

If you came here because you "love the culture" -- guess what? I only believe you if you are female.

If you are a male and you say you came here because you "love the culture," then know that everyone knows that's code for, "I'm hoping to get some Korean pussy."

If you somehow think that because I believe that if you are a man who is sleeping with someone who doesn't speak English, that I'm "ignorant" -- know that you know, deep down, that what you're doing is wrong, wrong, wrong.

If you somehow think that a double standard equals a fallacy, that means you didn't attend enough philosophy classes. Because what seems to you a double standard is actually often not, particularly when one is talking about issues of racism and sexism. In other words, you may be seeing a double standard when a true double standard does not actually exist. (See: a woman hitting a man, the disgusting use of the N-word by some white people, women who (think they) "fuck like men.")

Audience, I know that the majority of you come to this blog because you're interested in what I have to say.

Minority, I know that you come to this blog because you've got so much privilege, you don't know what to do with it.

And I'm going to bet a lot of money that not one of you has a degree in logic.

I'm going to go one further and tell you that whenever you use the word "logic" or "rational" in a response to anything someone says, you've automatically lost the argument. Because it means that you don't really know what you're talking about; you're talking out of your ass.

Later, I'll tell you about what real racism looks like. People stare at you on the bus? That's not racism. Your vice principal won't talk to you? That's not racism. Your Korean girlfriend's parents hate you? That's not racism.

Although some of you are keen to learn, most of you are not. You will stay in your privileged bubble, and you will sincerely believe yourselves to be open-minded and liberal. You will believe this; you will go to your grave thinking so.

I'm here to tell you that what you're telling yourself is a lie.

Update:
And here you go -- here's the follow up to what happened in the comments section below. Damn shame nobody (me included) actually talked about some of the issues I brought up in this blog post.)
http://thingsevewoulddo.blogspot.com/2011/10/what-would-fucktards-do.html

Black Bus Guy, Korean Old People, Bloggers, Bystanders, Commentators, Well Wishers, Angry People: Happy Friday

2011-09-02T17:37:00.009+09:00

Scene One: Once upon a time, I had an evil boyfriend. He liked to push my buttons; he knew exactly where they were. Once, I asked him, "Why do you do it?"

And he said, "Because it's easy."

I like travelling a lot and living abroad in part because (since I understand almost nothing), it's hard for my buttons to get pushed.

When I blog, this is usually what happpens: an idea forms, percolates for a few hours (but most times, it's a few days), and then I type it out, edit it, publish it, go back and edit once or twice more and that's that.

For this particular blog post, however, nothing really came up right.

And so I'm just going to ramble.

Scene Two: About a week or so ago, I was hanging out with a friend of mine and she said, "I had no idea that blogging was so serious. You guys are hard core."

I knee-jerked: "I'm not one of Them!"

And then I thought about it. And realized, Holy shit. I am exactly like Them.

I think of myself as a fringe blogger -- I don't have a huge readership, and I write mostly about myself (I've said in the past that I am my favorite topic). When I am in this self-congratulatory mode, I commend myself on my lack of ego, my failure to join the K-blog circle jerk, my tendency to admit to things that nice, liberal bloggers don't cop to (feelings of inadequacy, resentment, isolation; failure to get along with other people; being intolerant of morons). And when I get into that mode, that's when I realize that actually, I'm worse than Them.

Because I constantly acknowledge my shortcomings, and like to point the finger, I sometimes forget to point the finger right back at myself.

I think I'm so goddamn special. But I'm not. I'm way more important to myself in my head than I am in the real world, or the blogging world for that matter.

Scene Three: A couple of months ago, I was hanging with a friend of mine, and (I don't remember the context), I told him, "I truly believe that my intelligence is average."

He responded, "Yeah, I'm under no illusions that I'm that smart."

We looked at each other and grinned.

When I complain about blogging to my friends, they usually have no idea what I'm talking about because they don't blog and don't really care. I have to face facts: not very many people give a shit what I say or what I think or how I feel. If I'm honest, I would have to say the same thing about myself: I don't care all that much about people I do not have personal relationships with.

Scene Four: A current debate is underway regarding anonymous commentators. From personal experience, I can say that people say things under the cloak of anonymity that they would never, ever say to a person's face. Because when we sit here and type, there is a huge shield that is formed between us and the rest of the world.

Back in the early spring, I got a huge number of anonymous comments, and that's when I shut that off for good. Still, sometimes people will actually go through the trouble of creating a Google account for the sole purpose of coming to my blog to insult me (when I look at their profile views, it says "1.")

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't think that blogs are a good forum for debate. Not a good forum for reasonable thought, either. My last blog post got several thoughtful comments, but -- here is where I made a huge mistake -- I actually got involved in a conversation that I really should have known would go nowhere.

This is what it looks like.

Person A: I object to what you are saying, because ___________.
Person B: I see what you're saying, but ______________________.
Person C, D, E, F, G: I disagree with you, and therefore, you are a racist/sexist/bigot/moron.

I've been in all three categories myself, so I know what it's like. You come across something that so infuriates you and you try like hell to make yourself understood, but you are not understood. And since you are not understood, you leap to the conclusion that the other person MUST be racist/sexist/a bigot/stupid, because what other thing could it possibly be?

Scene Five: Back in March, I wrote something that angered a lot of people, primarily women, primarily women who were in relationships with Korean men or had been in relationships with Korean men. Right around that time, a lot of people assumed that I must not be fucking anyone, because (the line of reasoning goes), "If Eve was in a relationship, she would not be saying this, so it must mean that she's not in a relationship."

At the time that all of that was happening, I told my then-boyfriend: "You know what disappoints me about those people on my blog? Not a single person has said, 'Eve, what have you seen? What have you witnessed? What have you experienced in your life that would lead you to think this way?"

We were in bed at the time. And he said, "Of course not. Because that would be reasonable."

And yet, I, too, am unreasonable sometimes.

I don't have anything left to say about the guy on the bus. On the very first blog I commented on (and this was before I'd even written a blog post of my own), someone took the time to point people in the direction of an entirely different blog post to show people how "classy" I am.

I deleted it off the blog where I originally posted it, but I'll post it here now:

"I agree with you a thousand percent on the K-blog circle jerk. It's fucking stupid, and I'd rather go masturbate myself than be in that circle. Unfortunately, I threw myself right into one of the kings of the circle and surprise, surprise -- nary a one yanked me off. :) I will seriously try to keep my mouth shut on such things in the future, as there's little worse in my life right now than trying to deal with those jerkoffs."

I also posted this on someone else's blog (after the blogger expressed relief that he hadn't posted anything about the bus guy:

"I'm not especially bright either (I seriously think my intelligence is average at best). And there's something to be said about keeping oneself out of controversial matters. Makes life easier for one thing. Plus, it's too damn TIME-CONSUMING for DAYS! Sometimes,I wish I could keep my damn mouth shut. :)"

For the sake of posterity (and an ode to circle jerking), here are all the blog posts I commented on, and won't be commenting on further. Seriously, I won't! Not even if you call me chicken. Not even if you insult my mother. Not even if you call me racist/sexist/bigot/insert name-calling here. But I'm not so delusional as to think that anyone actually really cares what I think. Hell, even I don't care what I think sometimes.

Roboseyo

The Marmot's Hole

Scribblings of the Metropolitician

Burndog's Burnblog here and here.

Plus, this extremely funny satire at Bobster's House.

Oh, and I finally came out of the closet and admitted that I read Expat Hell. Yep. Me, a fine upstanding feminist! I've been reading his blog for a few months now, simultaneously horrified and highly entertained. No, wait. I'm not a feminist, I'm sexist ... against women! What was it those ladies were saying about me back in March? Maybe this is also the time to admit that I owned a few Penthouse magazines in college (and no, I didn't have them for the articles).

In the end, what I have to say doesn't matter to the guy on the bus. What I think or say or white (edit: whoops, I meant, "write." Freudian slip.) will not affect his life. Doesn't matter to the old Korean people he freaked out on. What I say has no bearing whatsoever on anything, really.

Except, as I see it, a few things:

1. The Burndog blogger started using the euphemism "the N-word" instead of a different word.

2. Another blogger refused and explained his reasoning thoroughly and still disagreed with me ... and yet, somehow, I did not jump to the conclusion that he must be a racist. I don't think he's a racist anymore than I am ... any more than any of us are.

3. Some people agree with me, and some people disagree with me, and a portion of the people who disagree with me assume that it must be because I'm a racist or what have you. .

The End: If there is one and only one lesson for me, personally, to learn from this, it's that I really should not comment on other people's blogs when I don't even read them, or have a personal bias against the blogger. It doesn't make any sense. With two bloggers and one blog post, I tried to make myself understood. I was understood by some and not by all. And that is life.

The truth is, my blog has maybe 300 regular readers, tops. When I say that no one really cares what I think, it's not false modesty and it's not poor little me: it's reality. Literally, only about 300 people out of 6 billion people care what I think! And even that's stretching it -- the people who come here regularly: do they actually really care what I think? Probably not! And even people who have thousands upon thousands of readers -- let's face it. In reality, we're nobodies. Nobody outside this little circle gives a shit. Except maybe our friends and the Korean Sentry. Maybe.

I checked Analytics; last week, fully half of my traffic came from one person's blog. A blog that, frankly, appeals to a much wider audience than my own. (Eve, repeat the exercise: if you dislike the circle jerk, do not hurl yourself inside of it.)

And now, back to me. Currently, I have one co-teacher who has been diagnosed insane by our department, but they don't want to fire her because she might "suicide herself." I taught a new grade level for the first time last week, and the questions they asked me were awesome and I'll write about that later. Tomorrow, I'm going to my first Korean wedding and the soon-to-be groom is Korean, and the soon-to-be wife is -- gasp, OMG! -- Japanese! It's totally scandalous and we're all rubbing our hands together, wondering if anyone's going to freak out at the wedding.

As I say to my students at the end of every week: Happy Friday.

Updated: Don't Use the N- Word If You're Not Black

2011-08-29T19:23:00.015+09:00

*** this blog post has been updated three times to reflect my current opinions on the subject ***

A video clip has been making its rounds on the blogosphere today. According to Korean news sources, a young black teacher mistakenly took a polite Korean phrase as the N-word, because they sound similar. (But no one knows this for sure.)

The blogosphere is vilifying this person, and so I'd like to take a different perspective.

White bloggers: you don't know what it's like to be Black.

I don't think that anyone who's not Black can imagine what this teacher may have been going through at the time of the incident and subsequent assault.

I don't either. I'm not a Black woman, but I am a minority woman who has (in Korea, and in other countries, including the United States) been mistaken as Black. It does not bother me in the least; as I explained in my series on my racial identity, my explanation usually doesn't matter.

When you travel extensively or live overseas as a minority woman, you oftentimes are approached by people who NEED to put you in a color box. Of me, they NEED to know: Are you Black or are you White?

I am neither and of everyone I have ever encountered, this is acceptable to them (as most people have at least a hazy knowledge of Latin America).

Even though I am not Black, I am closer on the social constructs of the crayon box than White people are. As a member of a minority currently being vilified, exploited, and used as a scapegoat in the U.S., I'm a member of a class of people (non-White) that has been where you, as a White person, have never been. You think you've experienced "racism" here in Korea because you're White?

What you are experiencing is not racism. It is "anti-foreigner-ism" and it's not the same.

Let me repeat: It is NOT the same.

Before I moved to Korea, I was warned (as I was warned before I moved to Russia), that Koreans were feverishly racist. I was turned down by two hagwons based on the color of my skin. I had good reason to believe that Koreans were only slightly ahead of the KKK on the evolutionary scale.

But here's the thing: Never, not once, have I ever experienced racism here. Ever. Only on my first day of meeting the Principal and Vice Principal of my school did my race come into question. They were concerned about the color of my skin and my last name; they asked questions, I answered them, and that was that.

If something happens at my school that negatively impacts me and positively impacts Koreans, I do not see this as racism. It is NOT because of my race. It's because I'm a native English teacher. It is because, above all, I am NOT Korean.

White people get this wrong a lot. There is a BIG difference between a Korean not liking you because you're a foreigner and not liking you because you're Black.

A former Black teacher in Korea wrote about this on her blog, but damned if I have the link. (Updated: here is the link written by Expat Jane, provided by Roboseyo). But I will try to paraphrase what she believed and wrote, and this is what I believe, too: White people are so accustomed to being the majority, so accustomed (and in fact, privileged) to be a member of the "club" so to speak, that they are especially sensitive to what they perceive as racism.

People (like myself) are not accustomed to the privilege that comes with being White and so we don't expect it. To put it crudely (and probably a bit unfairly), we don't expect people to kiss our ass. If kindness and tolerance is tossed our way, we're happy and grateful. But god forbid a Korean offend a White person. That White person will go ape shit in a way a minority person never would, because that minority has experienced it countless times already in their native country and abroad.

On the N-Word, Specifically

If you are not Black, you don't get to use this word. EVER. Under any circumstances. You're quoting someone? You still don't get to use it. See the editorial guidelines of newspapers filled with journalists who have more education and experience than you.

The Way It's Done

Here's the way it's done (scroll through to my comments.)

See that? That was a blog post. And I commented on it. And the blogger commented back, and no one insulted anyone and everything's "gravy," as the blogger said.

I used to read Roboseyo's blog, but don't anymore. I came across this post by Marmot's Hole, however, and that led me to this: which led me to this blog post that was well-meaning but seriously misguided in its use of words.

Now, the problem I have with Roboseyo's is that he said, once upon a time, that he was "annoyed" by my blog for failing to answer individual questions posed to me.

And yet -- here we go -- my questions remain unanswered.

(Updated 8/30/2011: All of my questions were answered in the original blog post on Roboseyo's blog..)

Before you start using racially charged words: tell me -- how many people of color do you know? How many are you close to? How many are you related to? How many read your blog? What do they think?

The reason why they remain unanswered -- well, I know enough at this point to know that it's not because he doesn't have an answer. He might. It might be because he lacks the time; it might be because he's late for a dinner date; it could be anything.

But it never fails to piss me off when people don't own up to their own shit; if you're going to do something, then be honest about it. Do you use a word to clarify? Do you use it in the hopes of getting more blog readers? Do you use it in the hopes of creating controversy? Do you get off on it?

You tell yourself. Don't tell me; I don't care.

But talk to yourself.

Update:

I'd like to return to this issue of racism in Korea at some point. I've been thinking about it a lot this past year. I've been to the Korean Sentry (horrific) and have read blogs by non-POC that I like and respect. They tell horror stories of racism (or perceived racism) they've experienced here in South Korea.

This is a complex issue. It's not simple, and I'm not an expert on racism. I don't want to simplify things in a way that they should not be simplified.

I noticed that on one of the blogs I commented on, comments from some people went quickly into the "Eve is a racist" mode. It reminded me of a blog post I once wrote on how frustrating it is to show someone a cube when all they can see is the square that's facing them.

Another thing I want to add is that everyone's experiences here in Korea are different. People of different races will experience different forms of racism or perceived racism, and since everyone's individual experiences are personal and reflect their own life histories, it's not something that I should *attack* (and upon re-reading my original blog post above, I can see how it can be seen as being attacking against White people specifically, which is something I definitely don't want to do for many reasons, including the fact that many of my most cherished friends are not people of color).

~~So, to clarify: I have no doubt that people who are White face racism here in Korea.~~ (Update 2012: I do not believe this anymore; white people do NOT experience racism, period.)
One need only look at the Korean Sentry to see that. But it's my theory that it is nowhere close to the type of racism non-White people face. In some instances, I've heard White people scream racism when it seems so blatantly obvious to me that it's not racism, but "anti-foreigner-ism" that I think I got a little carried away in my original blog post. It happens. Has happened before, and will certainly happen again.

A question I've often asked myself is: Why haven't I experienced racism by Koreans? Apart from getting turned down by hagwon owners in the beginning of my job search here, I haven't experienced racism as I perceive it.

I think the main reason is the reason I outlined above (I'm already used to it so I can't feel it).

But I think it's more complicated than that (I think there are other reasons) and I'll probably write about that at a later time.

Update Number Three (January 2012)

I have reversed my opinion that such a thing as "racism against white people" exists. There is no such thing. There is prejudice, but racism is an institution that includes a history of oppression. So while a Korean person may be PREJUDICED against a white person, it is impossible to be RACIST against a white person.

I was wrong when I wrote "I have no doubt that people who are White face racism here in Korea."

I was very, very wrong. There is no such thing as a white person facing racism. They MAY face prejudice or discrimination (but probably not) -- but NOT racism.

Nice to Meet You - A Breakthrough Today With My Students

2011-08-25T17:26:00.002+09:00

I start out my classes the same way, every single time.

Me: Good morning/Good afternoon, class!

Class: Good morning/Good afternoon, teacher!

Me: Nice to SEE you!

Class: Nice to see you, too!

I've been doing this for almost a year now, trying to break them of the habit of saying, "Nice to meet you" every time they see me.

It did NO GOOD WHATSOEVER.

Until today.

Today, They Broke Through to the Other Side

I have been teaching at my school for exactly 12 months. And every single time a student greets me, they NEVER say, "Nice to see you." NEVER.

Korean students are notorious for saying, "Nice to meet you," even if they've known you for years.

This Morning

I've mentioned before that one of my small pleasures in life is being greeted by the students as I walk down the hall or around campus. It tickles me to hear girls scream my name and yell, "Hi, teacher!"

The co-teacher I'm closest to is very popular -- invariably, on our way to lunch, a girl (or several) will spot her, scream her name, and then RUN towards her with open arms. I always cringe when this happens, because my co-teacher is very tiny, and I'm always somewhat worried the girls will mow her down.

A few months ago, this started happening to me, too. Girls would spot me, and then run towards me with open arms. Yesterday, as I was taking a walk around campus during one of my free periods, a group of girls from one of my favorite classes was out on the courts, practicing basketball.

"TEACHER! HUG!" one of the girls yelled, and the girls rushed the fence, and I held out my hands through the chain links and they grabbed them.

But Enough About That ...

This morning, I was on my way down the stairs to the teachers' room, and a student called out, "Hi, teacher!"

"Hi!" I responded.

"Nice to see you," she said.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Students and teachers walked up and down the stairs all around me. My sense of reality completely warped for a moment. It was as though it was just me and her, on the stairwell. I absolutely did not believe that I had heard correctly.

"What ... what did you say?" I said slowly, in disbelief.

The girl's smile faltered a little. "Nice to see you, teacher," she said.

And that's when I screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I shouted.

Now, This Might Sound a Little Crazy ...

But actually, in a school of more than 1,000 teenage girls, my scream didn't attract very much attention. Teachers and students scream in the halls all the time.

I moved forward to the girl.

"YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! OH MY GOD, NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO!" I yelled. I grabbed her by the shoulders and began jumping up and down, so she did too. "Nice to see you!" we yelled. Her friends behind her patted her on the back like she'd just won an Olympic medal.

I could not believe it. Finally.

Now, of course, I figured this was a fluke. As I made my way to my desk, I was ecstatic but realistic; it would never happen again, I was sure.

But Word Spread

During the next break in class, a different student called out, "Teacher! Nice to SEE you!"

My mouth dropped open. Lightning does not strike twice in the same spot. What the hell was going on?

The Power of Word of Mouth

I could not fucking believe it.

By the end of the day, I was walking briskly through the halls, and girls were calling out, "Nice to see you," and I kept yelling in delight, and then we were actually leaping up into the air and giving each other high fives, and as I walked home from school, I thought: I've tried to teach them complex things. I've tried to teach them really simple things. But above all, for a fucking YEAR, I've been trying to teach them, "Nice to see you," and if that's the ONE thing I accomplish with these kids, then I must consider my work here a complete success.

Boycott American Women

2011-08-07T21:08:00.002+09:00

Usually, I don't link to blogs that I find personally offensive. That is, if I find a blog that I find personally offensive, I usually refrain from reading it and I don't go out of my way to give it attention it doesn't deserve.

Usually.

But some guy left two comments for me. Both said exactly the same thing, and when I read through the blog, I couldn't help but feel very, very sad.

On one hand, I was a tiny bit amused.

On the other hand, I felt so much sadness for the pain this person must be going through.

And yes, on yet another hand, I felt a flush of anger that this type of thing -- this type of mentality -- still exists. Today. 2011.

It's incredible. One has to wonder, actually, if it's for real at all.

I myself have my doubts. It's just too over the top. Too much of a caricature of sexism.

Here it is: Boycott American Women.

First of All

Before I get into the blog, what it states, what it stands for and so forth, it must be said that the person who commented on this blog (with a bot, I wonder?) is selling a product. The product he is selling is mail-order brides.

He benefits financially from the misogyny he spreads.

This is different from people (men) who spew violent hatred against women. In these cases, I feel, one can have empathy for them, as misguided as their anger and hatred is: they, too, were born and raised in a patriarchy, a male-dominated society that values men above women, a society that has very clear gender roles that oppress heterosexual men and women (men must see their own value in the money they earn; women must see their own value in their appearance and whether or not they have a man).

I can get long-winded on this point (and I will, because I just re-read Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth after a (male) blog reader decided to bait me with a comment on "truths about human nature" that he felt Wolf ignored). I will say here that there are no "universal truths" about women and beauty except for one: we are all beautiful. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something (to misquote William Goldman).

Moving On to "Boycotting American Women"

I read through the first page of posts. What struck me first was how hopelessly dated the ideas all were. There is nothing new to see on the blog. There are no new ideas about how women are, or how women ought to be. They are all old. So, so old. It looks to be written by aging American men who lived (to their regret) through the 1960s.

Here are the main themes of the blog:

1. American women are sluts (meaning they have multiple sexual partners throughout their lives) and this is bad.

2. American women are "fat," (I dislike this word and implore my middle-school students to not use it, but unfortunately, this word will appear throughout this blog post) and this is bad.

3. American women are stupid when it comes to men (they seemingly like to be treated badly).

4. American women are bitches (they act in an arrogant manner and are unlikely to ask their boyfriends/husbands questions pertaining to the male's emotional state).

5. American women are greedy thieves (they will take half of their husband's wealth in divorce court).

6. American women don't know how to cook.

Before I get into things, here is a nice tidbit from one of the blog's contributors (although I strongly suspect it is actually just one man posting under various pseudonyms):

"The primary cause of Americas bankruptcy is feminism. Feminism is the cancer in Americas heart."

I keep thinking that actually, it was the primarily male-based contingency on Wall Street and in the government that contributed to the bankruptcies ...

So, here are the facts.

1. American women are sluts: The English language has many pejorative words for a promiscuous woman, but none for a promiscuous man. Although I dislike making assumptions based on very little evidence (like the blog featured in this post), I must say that my first thoughts were: this sounds like a very sad and lonely man who has not had very much sex in his life. I feel very sorry for him.

This theme of compassion came up again and again as I was thinking about all of this: This man (or, if I am wrong about the solo-blogger theory, these men) are very sad, lonely men. I, too, know what it's like to feel sad and lonely and I empathize with them.

If you are a man who despises female sexuality -- and, in its current form, media expressing the sexuality of females who are not dependent on one single man -- then that must be a really difficult pill to swallow.

Imagine if you were a frustrated man, with only your own hands to keep yourself from going berserk from sexual frustration!

It must absolutely kill them to see women free to fuck whoever they want, whenever they want.

In my own personal experience, anyways, women are far less slutty than men.

2. American women are "fat": More American men than American women are overweight. According to the National Institute of
Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, about 64% of American women are overweight or obese, and about 72% of American men are overweight or obese.

I have been thinking about this a lot recently, and here's what I think: when you encounter a man on the internet complaining about how fat American women are, you are encountering a man who realizes he cannot control women. And it eats him up inside. This lack of control over women, over their bodies, simply makes some men apoplectic with rage. To such men, women are only objects that should be aesthetically pleasing to him. (Although such men do not wonder why this is so, they only accept it as "fact," without taking the time to wonder who benefits financially and politically by dictating what is aesthetically pleasing, what is "beautiful.")

Men (and women) will claim that they are concerned with the person's health. "It is unhealthy," they will claim, completely denying their own control issues, the issues of a patriarchal society that has gleaned power from controlling women and their bodies in the past, and I will tell you that this is complete bullshit.

When people complain about the bodies of people they don't even know, it is NEVER out of health. Let's face it -- you could give a SHIT about that person walking down the street, if you don't know him/her. It is only about power and who has it, and who doesn't, and it is only what your culture has told you is a "universal truth."

3. American women are stupid when it comes to men: I believe that men and women are equally stupid when it comes to love. I have done things that I swore I would never do, all because I loved (or thought I loved) someone. And I have seen men do things that would render them unrecognizable to their family and friends. And yet, there are women who will return again and again to men who abuse them. There are women who will try again and again to curry favor from inscrutable men who do not give all of themseves. In cases such as these, I think there are many answers. I do not have all of the answers. But I have a few.

Since women are told (directly or indirectly) by a patriarchal culture that their worth is dependent on their beauty and whether or not they have a man, some women will stop at nothing to prove their worth (get a man, keep a man).

When a man abuses a woman, he chips away at her self-esteem and tells her (directly or indirectly), I'm the only one who will ever love you, and this is the price you will pay. Rather than face the world alone, some women choose to pay this price.

I have a male acquaintance who once said that he had been a "nice guy" his whole life, and that it hadn't done him a "bit of fucking good" in the women department.

He had deluded himself with this lie: Women don't like me because I'm too nice.

Only stupid men will think such stupid things, and so I took it upon myself to tell him so.

"Women don't like you not because you're too nice. Women don't like you because you don't approach them and ask them out. And they don't approach you because you look angry and pissed off all the time. Your energy, your vibe, is so goddamn negative, that no woman wants to touch it."

4. American women are bitches: I was tempted to brush this one off, because it is such a meaningless statement. Women are bitches, men are assholes. Women only care about themselves, men only care about themselves. I have heard and said these things so often, that without anything to back it up, it just becomes meaningless. People are assholes. People are selfish. It's true. We all care mostly about ourselves.

But. It came up so much in that first page of the blog, that I don't want to dismiss it out of hand. What I think this man (or these men) believes when they say "women are bitches" is this: Women don't put ME first.

Well, that is probably true. If your girlfriend/wife puts herself first, then it must or might might be because you are not putting her first.

I read a post on that blog about women who never say "How are you, how was your day?"

I really want to ask that man: Did YOU ask her how her day was? Did you ask her how SHE was doing? Did you?

I know what it's like to be in a relationship where the other person is the star of the TV show. It is fucking infuriating. It is infuriating to ask someone "How was your day?" and get a long-winded answer without a reciprocation of the question. Very infuriating.

But I'm going to take a stab at this one and say that (in the case of this misguided blogger/bloggers) this is more male selfishness. Unless you are truly involved with a narcissist, a selfish person who truly cannot see beyond their own reflection, the "women are bitches" sentiment seems to be just rhetoric, as meaningless and useless as "men are assholes."

5. American women are greedy thieves: When laws were introduced so that women in some states were entitled to half of a man's earnings during the marriage, it was an affirmative action type of deal, to acknowledge that women make less money than men (in the U.S., the gender gap is currently at .77, which means that for every $1.00 a man makes, a woman in the United States makes 77 cents for the same job), and also allowed for the fact that women take time off for childbearing and child-rearing.

I cannot recount to you the rage I felt when, a few years out of college, I learned that I was making less money than the man I had just trained.

That's right. I trained a man to do a job with the exact same title as mine. And in talking, it came out that he was making 50 cents more per hour than I was.

He had no experience. I had six months experience. I was training him. He was just out of college.

Why go into what happened next? What happened next was not something you would find in a movie. I emailed several lawyers; nobody would take the case. We didn't make enough money and we did not belong to a union. I had angry discussions with the People In Charge and they did not budge. I quit a week later.

"This is why we discourage employees from disclosing their salaries," a Woman In Charge told me.

My tiny struggle with this company is nothing compared to the struggles of other minority women working amongst the under-classes; the invisible, working poor who do not write books or blog posts, who only try to get through each day so they can buy food for their families.

After a divorce, a women almost always becomes poorer. And the men become richer.

6. American women don't know how to cook: Most women I know love cooking for men. And some men I know love cooking for women. Because everyone knows how good it feels when someone cooks for you. I would also say that women's magazines routinely publish recipes meant for two or four. And to add to that, I will say: I have never ever heard a woman complain about a man, "He doesn't know how to cook." The idea that women should be in charge of cooking is antiquated. So very, very antiquated. It harks to a time these men could not possibly have been alive (unless they were in their 20s or 30s during the 1950s, or 60s and they were middle-class anyways).

A Very Sad and Lonely Man:

The body of this email should not cause you (if you are a woman) any alarm. If you read it carefully, and are able to look through the sexism and hatred, you can see that it is the email of a man who knows he is losing his power. Things are changing. Things HAVE changed.

He knows that in the last century, American women made tremendous strides. The vote. Sexist doctors. Laws against rape, domestic battery, discrimination.

Those laws are not always enforced. But there are many organizations that are dedicated to making sure they're enforced, organizations that did not exist 100 years ago.

Underneath his hatred is a deep and profound sadness.

And underneath all that is the realization that he can make money off of sad and lonely men like him.

Again, I really hate to make assumptions, but my assumption is this: this is the kind of guy who wants to be a with a woman who cannot speak his language.

It's a cartoon of an American man who wants a woman who cannot speak English.

The Comment:

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

A Patient Girl

2011-08-02T00:19:00.002+09:00

In today's summer camp class, we went over personality traits. At the end of class, for the art portion, I told them to draw self-portraits and some words and sentences that described their personalities.

This was the best one:

At first I was shocked, but then I laughed my ass off when I saw what she's written under "Patient."

"Is it true?" I asked her.

She smiled a little and nodded.

"GOOD!" I clapped. "GOOD FOR YOU!"

She grinned.

This is what she wrote last week when we studied jobs/occupations:

My Dream Job: Public Prosecutor
Because I like to catch offenders. So first I want to be a detective (police officer). But everyone says that's a dangerous job. So, I choose public prosector. Because if I am a public prosecutor, I can find the truth and find the offenders. And I want to find bad politicians and prosecute them.

This girl is 13-years-old.

Waygook.org Assholes

2011-07-24T23:29:00.004+09:00

There I was, minding my own business, doing a Google advanced search for something on this blog ... and I ran across a link to my blog from a post on Waygook.org.

I wondered what it was. Was it someone pointing out how brilliant and wonderful I am? Was it someone pointing how stupid I am?

Sadly, it was the latter.

Here is the link: Preview Your Lessons Before You Teach/Upload Them

Right away, I knew which blog post they were referring to. It was called: Damn You, Waygook.org! I Do Not Condone Teen Pregnancy.

The post was, for the most part, a portrait of one of my favorite students from last year. She is a high-level, super creative student and the post was mostly about how much I love her.

The post was also a self-deprecating nod to my carelessness that day. I had (and I wasn't the first, won't be the last), in a moment of haste, copied a bunch of slides off of a PowerPoint from Waygook.org and had not looked them over carefully enough.

To illustrate me making fun of my myself, here are some quotes from that post:

"Unfortunately, I did not look over my PowerPoint carefully enough.";"
"By now, I am 100% mortified. I'm covering my face with my hands because I just can't believe this is happening."
"Let this be a lesson to me: never just copy and paste from waygook.org."

But Somehow, Assholes on Waygook.org Missed All of That

Some of the replying posts, as you can see, saw the humor in the situation, as I did.

But some of them took the opportunity to be assholes.

From the OP (whose blog I had on my blogroll up until I found this post): "Oh, and if you teach a lesson without previewing it first, you probably deserve to have your coworkers think you come from a country that celebrates pregnang 14-year-olds. (I guess the US is one of them, since there are at least two "Teen Mom"-type shows, sadly.)"

(Note: It wasn't my coworkers, asshole. It was my students.)

From a Mod: "..to cast aspersions on waygoog.org because of one's laziness is a bit much."

(Note: Aside from the title of the blog post, which was supposed to be humorous, I cast aspersions nowhere but myself in that post. Asshole.)

Anyways, this thread was from way back in April. I don't post on Waygook.org, so I don't see any reason to go and defend my good name on that site. Wouldn't do any good anyway.

http://waygook.org/index.php?topic=7674.0

A Little More About Waygook.org

Waygook.org's got a reputation as a place where stupid and/or clueless people go to fight. Generally, it looks something like this:

Clueless OP posts a question.
One person offers an actual answer.
A dozen people write posts on how stupid OP is.

But What Really Pisses Me Off

I was really sad when I saw the Original Poster's signature with his blog address.

I'd been a fan of his up until then.

I went to his blog before I deleted it off my blogroll.

And on his blogroll, I saw a list of blogs with the title "Good Blogs."

You can find the usual suspects of the K-Blogger circle jerk there.

A Reasonable Response

2011-07-23T22:04:00.003+09:00

I have a lot of issues with a lot of foreigner "K-bloggers."

My blogroll is to the left: those are the blogs I currently read. That means I generally don't have major issues with those blogs, nor the bloggers who write them. I comment only on three or four; those are the ones that I really like.

That blogroll has changed multiple times since I arrived here in Korea last August. In fact, I think there are only one or two of those blogs that has remained consistently on my blogroll. Because I found out that a lot of the blogs in Korea are written by assholes.

My issues with certain K-bloggers run deep and wide and will (I'm sure) eventually take up many many pages and many many blog posts.

But here is something fun. I saw this on Twitter last week:

http://twitter.com/#!/chrisinseoulsk/status/92642730588651520

Regular readers know that I place a tremendous value on compassion and that I think empathy plays a big role in intelligent discourse.

And so, I suppose, if I was a more enlightened person with less of my own baggage, I might have said, "What have you gone through in your life to lead you to this type of opinion? What has happened to you that you now feel the need to demonstrate your superiority over others? What happened in your childhood to lead you to this sense of inferiority, that manifests itself into overcompensation and arrogance?"

I am not that person. Not yet. I want to be. I strive to be. Sometimes, I'm able to do it. But usually, it's only with people I care about.

And so I wrote this instead:

http://twitter.com/#!/eveoverseas/status/92773959459799040

How to Get Your Face Back After You Lose It In Korea

2011-06-21T18:00:00.007+09:00

How to Get Your Face Back After You Lose It In Korea

Today, following the advice of my friend with the Korean-Foreigner expertise, I brought donuts in for everyone in the office.

This Morning's Donut Extravaganza

At first, I just start passing them around by rows, until one of my co-teachers hurries up to me and explains that the Principal and Vice Principal should always be served first. We're in Korea!

Gah! I knew that! But I totally forgot. Why must I keep making these cultural mistakes!?

The Donuts for the Vice Principal

She helps me arrange donuts and coffee on a plate and I bring it to the Vice Principal with a bow.

"What is the matter?" he asks. I am shocked; he rarely speaks to me in English.

"Nothing! No reason! Happy Tuesday!" I assure him, since I've been told that mentioning My Big Mistake is a no-go.

He is happy.

Everyone is happy.

The Donuts for the Teachers

In Korea, (or, at least, in my Korean school), if you bring something for everyone in the office, it either means that something very good or very bad has happened. (Sometimes, we all get rice cakes or donuts or fruit drinks because it's someone's birthday or wedding or something. When teachers Han-out on each other, I sometimes see them bring little gifts for everyone in their department. My co-teachers helpfully point this out to me, as proof that everything is fine between the dueling teachers, even if the previous day, I saw them screaming at each other.)

But because everyone knows that something very bad has happened (because they all witnessed last Friday's freak-out), they give me my face back by asking, "What's the occasion?"

"No reason! Happy Tuesday!" I tell everyone.

The new male co-teacher and I (who don't get along) asks me, loudly, "Have you got a new boyfriend?"

I grit my teeth and smile slash glare at him. "No, no reason! Happy Tuesday!"

My close co-teacher, who's helping me pass out the donuts, (and who doesn't like him either) hisses in my ear, "That is sexual harassment!" I'm so glad we're friends.

Every single teacher I give a donut to acts as though I have laid precious stones at their feet. They say, "Thank you," in English, express amazement and pleasure on a level that I did not know was possible from a simple pastry.

I swear, if I had known that a simple donut would endear me to every single teacher in my office, I would have done it ages ago. All day, teachers were smiling and bowing to me, and greeting me like I was personally responsible for uniting the North and the South.

The Donut for the Principal

The Principal was not in his office at the time of the donut extravaganza, and so my co-teacher helped me with another special plate, and attached a note to it.

When he got back to his office, the Principal actually came up to me and for the very, very first time, spoke to me in English. "Thank you," he said.

"You're very welcome! Thank YOU," I said, with my bow.

If the Powers That Be were weighing who was going to take the blame for my Big Mistake, I am pretty sure it just dramatically tilted in my favor.

My Head Co-Teacher

I think I made her look really good today.

After school, my head co-teacher and I took another long, slow walk to the metro.

She praised me once again on the donut-giving. "Such a good idea!" she enthused. "Everyone is so happy!"

And she told me that The Co-Teacher Who Wasn't There has many, many, many problems. Problems that exist outside of my mistake, problems with other students, other teachers, problems that are so severe, they will take up an entirely new blog post.

And so, I feel very confident that I've got my face back.

On a related note, that co-teacher is no longer speaking to me. I asked her to translate something in a class we had together, and she actually refused.

I could not believe it.

My head co-teacher could scarcely believe it.

"She has a lot of problems," my head co-teacher said.

How to Deal With Losing Face When You're a Teacher In Korea

2011-06-20T20:10:00.003+09:00

So, after last Friday's Loss of Face, I was pretty much morose for the rest of the weekend.

Today, at work, everyone acted kind of normally, but not really. There is some obvious tension. My day was packed - five classes plus an after-school, so I didn't have TOO much time to dwell on it. But I'm worried.

So I connected with someone I know who is an expert in cross-cultural issues between foreigners and Koreans. She's published articles, does coaching, gives workshops, etc.

And what she told me is this: she's seen and heard of teachers failing to have their contracts renewed for less than what I did. That's the bad news.

The good news is that she said that it's totally possible that The Co-Teacher Who Wasn't There will shoulder all of the blame, the VP will tell the parents and students to fuck the fuck off (as he's been known to in the past) and life will continue normally for me.

According to her, this is the custom when you lose face and The Han happens:

1. Pretend like the situation never happened. Do NOT bring it up with coworkers.
2. Give gifts.
3. Cross fingers.

She said she's going to confirm this with her colleagues, but until I hear back from her, I'm planning on getting up early tomorrow and bringing in donuts for everyone.

She also urged me to give myself a break. What looks like precedent to Westerners is a Special Circumstance In Context to Koreans. There is no way I could have known that at the moment -- I would have only come to that conclusion if I'd taken the time to step back and think about it -- and plus, the whole reason why I gave some of the students retakes was because I felt compassion for the first girl who grasped my hand and told me her life would be over if she failed to ace it.

She also gave me this anecdote:

Say you're a Korean male. And you're studying at a university in the U.S. And you've become good friends with your male classmate. And so, during study time, you reach over and place your hand on your friend's thigh.

Imagine what might happen.

Losing Face at My School in Korea

2011-06-19T22:32:00.007+09:00

Well, it finally happened. After 10 months of doing everything right at work, I officially lost face last Friday.

Let me tell you -- it was NOT a pleasant experience.

Up until last Friday, I was like the Golden Foreign Teacher Who Could Do No Wrong.

Falling off the pedestal, flat on my lost face, led me, for the first time, to think, "Now I know why Koreans kill themselves or really want to after losing face."

What Led Up to the Big Mistake

Last week I gave speaking tests to half of my students.

On Tuesday or Wednesday, in one of my classes, a girl got a zero out of ten because she could not/would not open her mouth to say anything at all.

All of the questions I asked them were straight out of the textbook. There were no surprises.

After that particular class, the male co-teacher came up to me and asked me to give her the test again, so she could get "some" points.

I gave her the test again. She mustered out a "Hi," and "Yes," so I gave her three points to make her and the co-teacher happy.

And, my Western-trained brain took this little incident as a precedent.

But I Was Fucking Wrong, Wrong, Wrong

I have three classes that misbehave regularly. This is mostly because the co-teacher (she's new this semester, and I haven't written about her) rarely joins my class and when she does, she says not one word. Even when I am employing the Korean Shame Technique, or lecturing the class on how they are a disgrace to themselves, their families, their school, and their country -- EVEN when I tell them that they are headed to the Vice Principal (I've made good on that threat once), she doesn't discipline them. She doesn't say a word.

So on the day of the speaking test, I had finished giving the test to all of the girls in one of her classes. The co-teacher had slipped out early on. The class president, who I've had long talks with, warning her that I am holding her personally responsible for the behavior of that class, had helped me control the girls by screaming at them and writing their names on the board.

It must be said that every class with this one co-teacher did pretty poorly on the speaking exam. They don't take my class seriously. They're smart girls, but they just don't care. They take their cues from their "real" teacher.

So, at the end of class, one girl grabbed my hand and said, "Teacher, if I do not get a perfect score, my life is over."

She'd gotten a nine out of ten.

I began envisioning beatings. I have a bleeding heart. I am a fucking moron.

I said fine.

I gave her the test again.

And she STILL messed up the grammar on one of her answers.

I told her she was staying at a nine, and that was it.

And then other girls started clamoring to re-take the test.

A few girls rose from a two or three to a five or six.

"Big Problem"

Some of the girls who had NOT retaken the test went to go complain to the co-teachers.

The male co-teacher who had (I thought) set the precedent, came up to me and said, "Some of the students say that you allowed some girls to re-take the test. Is it true?"

When he said, "Is it true?" as though he could not really believe it, as though the girls had told him that they'd seen me dancing naked, performing witchcraft in the school cafeteria -- that's when I knew I was fucked.

My Head Co-Teacher

My head co-teacher comes over to confirm what everyone knows: Eve, the Foreign English Teacher, has TOTALLY fucked up.

The part that really hurts is that I have a great relationship with my head co-teacher. We go out to lunch all the time; we have a similar sense of humor; we are constantly praising each other, etc.

We are also both very loud and can get quite dramatic, and so I really should have expected it when she freaked and yelled something along the lines of, "Oh my GOD, how could you do this?!""

"I am so sorry! I thought it was OK because I did it with that one girl in that one class!" I cowered.

"The students now cause BIG PROBLEM!" my head co-teacher moaned.

"ACK!" I screamed, burying my face in my hands.

Please Note, This Is Not Abnormal Behavior In My School

My school office holds all 50 of us teachers, and I regularly see teachers freak out on each other. In the beginning, when I heard someone yelling, I used to cringe and lay low in my seat. Now that I know it's just The Han, I don't mind it so much.

My Head Co-Teacher and I Take a Long, Slow Walk to the Metro

My head co-teacher tells me what I should have already known: NEVER give the students a re-test! The ONLY reason why it was OK to give that one student a re-take was because her co-teacher specifically asked me to.

"You must NEVER do this!" my head co-teacher yells. "This is BIG problem!"

"I should NEVER have done it," I agree. "I am SO SORRY!!!"

I keep apologizing, especially since my head co-teacher is freaking out due to the fact that the parents are going to/have already been calling to complain, the students are screaming, and the Vice Principal is/will be involved.

She asks me the same questions over and over again, and as we walk and talk, she stops lecturing me, and starts trying to spin.

"The co-teacher was NOT in the class? Where WAS she?"

I grab this lifesaver.

"I don't know! I don't know where she was! The girls were out of control!"

This goes back and forth and finally, my head co-teacher's world has been righted.

"You gave the students another test because co-teacher was not there! Co-teacher must join your classes! She must help you control the students!"

I try not to agree too much, but I do agree.

My head co-teacher's main problem is this: if I make a mistake, the Vice Principal is going to blame her, because she's in charge of me.

My head co-teacher sees the opportunity to lay the blame elsewhere and begins a long tirade on the Co-Teacher Who Was Not There.

"She has a BIG PROBLEM!" my head co-teacher screams, as we walk down the busy street.

"Oh my GOD," I scream back. "I don't want there to be ANY problems!"

As we part ways that evening, she says to me, "This is NOT your problem! SHE has a BIG problem!"

"I am SO sorry," I say.

I cannot start drinking fast enough when I get home.

And even when I receive a soothing text message from my head co-teacher, telling me that everything's fine, that I should have a good weekend and so forth ... I cannot help but wonder why I did not stop to think, during those sweaty, confusing moments when the girls were asking for a re-take -- why did I BOTHER to give ANY of them a re-take when ALL of them have been such a pain in my ass?

I also cannot help but remember the one steadfast rule that all foreign teachers in Korea must learn: no matter how close we get to our schools, no matter how much they love us, the fact of the matter remains: we are NOT Korean.

I don't even want to know what's going to happen when the Vice Principal starts getting calls from angry parents, raging at the unfairness of the Foreign English Teacher who actually gave re-takes to SOME but not ALL of the students, thus resulting in the loss of face of hundreds of girls; the possibility that a Dirty Westerner has totally fucked some of the students' chances at getting into a SKY university; and the probability that what I've done has affected the destiny of children, ruined lives, led to alcohol abuse, beatings, the gnashing of teeth, and the tearing of loin cloths.

"Don't Lie to Me" - A Story of Bullying in My Class

2011-06-15T23:28:00.002+09:00

Perhaps because I've been a teacher at my school for almost a whole year now and am more attuned to what's going on with the girls ... or perhaps because I rank off the charts on the empathy scale ... or perhaps because of a combination of a lot of things, I've become more aware of the bullying situation in some of my classes.

There is a girl in one of my classes. I've written about her before: she had a total freak-out when I employed the Korean Shame Technique on her once when she was misbehaving.

The problem is that the girls bully her.

And my problem is that because I see myself in her (and also cannot tolerate bullying in general), I'm becoming a bit emotional in that particular class.

A couple of months ago, I saw a group of girls pull the "You can't sit here," routine with this one girl. I halted the class, yelled at everyone to "Be nice. Be friends," and directed the girl to another chair.

I warned the girls to never, ever pull that stunt again in my class, ever.

Some of my classes have seating charts, but because my conversation class is supposed to be the "fun" class, a lot of them don't.

Recently, something bad happened again.

After doing my usual routine ("Good morning. Nice to see you. How are you?) one of the popular girls in the back shouted, "Teacher! She's crying!"

I looked to where she was pointing and sure enough, the girl with "a bit of the mental disease," as my co-teacher puts it, was crying.

The popular girls were laughing at her.

The girl was crying.

And in a split second, I completely lost my shit.

I shouted louder than I ever have before in the classroom. It wasn't a throaty scream, but rather a very loud holler.

"GIRLS! EVERYONE BE QUIET RIGHT NOW!!!!" I shouted.

They've never heard me get that loud.

The entire class hushed.

I walked up to the group of laughing girls and zeroed in on the one who'd pointed out the crying girl.

"Is she your friend?" I asked.

"Oh, yes," the girl said.

I held out my arms to keep the class quiet. And then I walked around for a moment.

And then I whirled and shouted to the group, "Don't LIE to me!"

The class was completely silent.

When I get worked up, I can really get going. I began to orate.

Slowly, I said, "I do not understand Korean. But I am NOT BLIND and I am NOT STUPID!!!!"

The class tittered.

I pointed at the girl and the group of popular students. "IF ... IF she was your friend, then you would HUG her." I demonstrated hugging. "You would not EMBARRASS her."

I walked up to the girl who'd first laughed, "She's crying!" and looked at her in the eyes.

"Are you her friend?" I said softly.

(This is the part I wish hadn't happened.)

The girl started to cry.

At that point, I had a mess on my hands. I had two crying girls. One of them was crying because of me. And the other one was probably continuing to cry because I'd brought attention to her shame.

I also had, on my hands, a co-teacher who probably had no fucking clue what to do, either.

"I have TOLD you this before," I said loudly, to the entire class. "I have WARNED you. You MUST be nice to each other in my class."

And thus began yet another fucking English class on The Importance of Kindness.

I opened up Google Translator and told them to write, in complete sentences, answers to the following questions:

1. Are you all friends in this class? Don't lie to me. Be honest.

2. Is it okay to tease other girls?

3. Have you ever been teased?

4. Do you understand what "bullying" means?

5. If someone is your friend, and she is crying, what should you do?

6. How would you feel if you were teased?

And so forth.

The Answers I Received

I told the class to write their names on their papers, and that if anyone failed to turn it into me, they would have a nice chat with the Vice Principal (who has zero tolerance for this sort of shit.)

Some of the girls folded their papers in half when they gave them to me.

One of the things that surprised me was how many students wrote that they had no friends.

"I have no friends at school. No one likes me."

Some of the answers were quite advanced. "No, we are not all friends, because we have different characters."

Under the question about "How would you feel if you were teased?" one girl wrote, simply, "Life end."

The girl who had been teased that day, however, broke my heart.

She wrote only this on her paper:

"I have many faults."

After Class

After I dismissed the class, my co-teacher came up to me and said, succinctly and bluntly as always, "I think the girls in this class have a lot of problems."

And the Girl Who Was Teased

Because my class is the "fun" class, I have never really seen this girl shine. I have only heard her speak English when I force her to. She refrains from participating in pair work, which I completely understand, because in almost every class, the other girls put as much distance between her and them as possible.

And so I was absolutely fucking stunned when today, during their speaking exam, she aced it. Every single question I asked her, she answered in perfect English.

"Congratulations! Perfect score," I told her, unable to mask my surprise.

She grinned at me.

What Kills Me

I never thought I'd end up at an all-girls school, and I love it. I love being surrounded by all the femaleness of it all. I love the halting girl conversations I can have with the students, and how close I am getting to a couple of other teachers. One of my co-teachers and I have long, long talks sometimes about those things that should only stay between two people.

When I walk down the halls, it delights me to hear the girls yell, "Hi, teacher!" It delights me to have girls talk to me about their cramps, the boyfriends who "broke them," and similar things.

Some groups of girls I just adore.

And so when I see girls behaving in such a vicious manner to each other -- and I am so strongly reminded of women behaving badly to me -- I get so goddamned angry and frustrated.

Why, why, why do girls have to be such fucking bitches to each other?

I am not just talking about in my school. I'm not just talking about young girls.

Recently, I had an email chat with a fellow blogger in Korea. A male blogger. And he said that he's noticed that the female bloggers in Korea "go mental" on each other all the time ...

But they don't do it to the male bloggers.

Why do women have to be such fucking bitches to each other?

The sad thing is that I KNOW why.

And it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Nailing the Open Class

2011-06-10T18:12:00.002+09:00

As part of the contract renewal process, I had to have an "open class." That meant my Principal, Vice Principal, the Head Teacher and others came to watch one of my lessons.

It must be said that the main reason why I nailed it is because one of my close co-teachers handpicked the best class we have together (it's a high level/high energy/well-behaved class) and promised them ice cream after the open class if they did exactly as they were told.

And they fucking did.

I dressed up for the occasion, knowing how important appearances are. The students showed up (per my co-teachers instructions) 10 minutes early and several of them encouraged me by telling me how beautiful I looked.

The class went perfectly. My co-teacher decided it would be best to have the open class be a review of the last two lessons (though we didn't tell the higher-ups that). So the material in the lesson was stuff the girls already knew.

Which definitely helped because when I flashed to something on the PowerPoint, several girls would shout out the correct answer.

Every single time I rang my bell, the class hushed in a split second.

Truthfully, I have never seen such good behavior, ever. Not even in this one class that's consistently awesome.

They knew what the class was for and they were helping me.

Writing about it now, I am kind of starting to choke up.

They knew what a big deal it was and they wanted to help.

I know; they also wanted ice cream. But I like to focus on the selfless motives.

I said, "Repeat," and they repeated in perfect unison. I said, "Practice" and every group shouted the conversation practice.

At the end, I had each table play a new board game I'd created based on the language points, and they rolled the dice, and cheered and spoke in English loudly, and as I was monitoring, the Vice Principal decided to "monitor" too.

It was so great.

After class was over, the Vice Principal came up to me, and shook my hand and said, "You're a good teacher."

I was so honored.

Later, my co-teacher told me that the Vice Principal (apparently also stunned that the class went so perfectly) asked her if we'd had a rehearsal with that class beforehand.

We hadn't.

It was one of those perfect classes that happen so rarely; the stars aligned, the students were enthusiastic, absolutely nothing went wrong.

And how could I properly take all the credit for such a perfect class? My co-teacher and the students had orchestrated it; I was so grateful. So grateful. So grateful.

The Special Meeting and Main Concern of Elderly Men in Korea

2011-06-02T11:21:00.002+09:00

It's approximately 12:10 PM on a weekday, and my close female co-teacher says, "The Principal and Vice Principal want to have special meeting with you at 12:30."

She's trying to be cool about it, but can't.

Immediately, my breath goes all shallow and I start to sweat.

My co-teacher realizes that her delivery gave away her nerves, and now we both give each other nervous glances.

We're pretty much terrified. My co-teacher is trying to be brave for me, and I'm trying not to fall apart, but we have no idea why they want to see me.

We're sitting at our desks. I watch the clock slowly inch forward. My co-teacher says, in a faux-casual way, "Have you seen L____?" The head co-teacher.

I have not seen her.

A few minutes later, though, she shows up and a heated discussion takes place between the two women. They are talking over my heads, almost encircling me protectively. I do not have enough time to fully appreciate this dynamic; my head co-teacher says, "Just a moment, just a moment!" and then heads off to talk to the Principal.

The other one goes to talk to the Vice Principal.

Sitting Alone at My Desk, Watching the Clock, Freaking Out

I know this all has something to do with renewing my contract, but since it had been agreed-upon several months ago that I would sign up for another year, I didn't know there would be a formal, last-minute "special meeting."

My head co-teacher comes over and takes my arm and says, "OK! Let's go!" and I'm like a dead man walking to the Principal's office.

In the Principal's Office

I do my bows and my ladylike "Hellos." The Vice Principal and I get along great, so when he's asking me questions like, "Do you like the school? What do you think of Korea," I feel comfortable giving him the usual happy answers.

Something is disturbing me, though.

The Principal has a vaguely troubled look on his face, manifesting itself in something that can only be described as a grimace. I have never seen him look this way before. Ever.

Five minutes into the meeting, I find out why.

Why the Principal Called the "Special Meeting"

My head co-teacher translates for him.

"The principal asks you, 'Don't you want to get married? How will you find a husband in Korea?'"

My mouth drops open and the only sound that comes out are these strangled chokes.

I absolutely cannot believe I am being asked this question.

Again.

I suddenly realize that this is why the meeting was called, and I am just ... shocked.

I think of several replies but dismiss them all while they're still in my head, because I just know that whatever I say is going to come out wrong.

This goes on for several seconds as I try to maintain my composure.

Eventually, I cover my mouth and bow my head like a proper Korean lady, and say, "I don't know what to say."

Talking With the Head Co-Teacher

After school, as I'm walking with my head co-teacher to the bus stop, I blurt out, "I was so nervous."

She says, "Yes. Me too. I did not know they would want a meeting like that so suddenly."

"SO SUDDENLY!" I agree. And then I ask her, "Look. Honestly - do they really want me to stay? Or are they just being polite?"

My head co-teacher says "No, no, they want you to stay a LONG TIME! A VERY LONG TIME! Everyone wants you to stay a very LONG, long time! The Principal and Vice Principal are afraid that you will leave! They do not want you to leave!"

Talking With My Other Close Female Co-Teacher

The next morning, I tell my close female co-teacher about the meeting. "I was so embarassed! I didn't know what to say!" I tell her.

"I KNOW, I KNOW, it's so awful!" she agrees. "This is main concern of elderly men in Korea."

At her description of the Vice Principal as an "elderly" man (he's not exactly a doddering old man), I laugh. "Really? The MAIN concern?" I say.

"Yes! The Principal says to me ALL THE TIME 'Why aren't you married? Why don't you have a boyfriend?'"

I groan.

She sighs.

We look at each other and shake our heads.

"Do You Remember Me?"

2011-05-31T21:05:00.002+09:00

Something odd happened today with one of my students.

It must be said that today was something of a roller coaster for me. Up and down went the day. Maybe like jumping waves in the ocean.

In an afternoon class, one of my favorite students was sporting a long horizontal scratch on her leg.

I was in the midst of yelling at the class. Every single class today was acting up (for reasons that would compose an entirely new story). I paused in my yelling (the girls weren't listening to me, anyways) to bend down and talk to the girl.

I pointed at her leg. "What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said glumly.

"Maybe in physical education?" I suggested.

"What?" she said.

"Physical education," I said slowly. I mimed sit-ups and jumping jacks and the light went off on her face.

"Ah! No," she said. "Maybe my ..." and she pointed to her fingernail.

"Fingernail," I said.

"Fingernail," she repeated, mimicking my accent perfectly.

I had been bending down, and I stood up. At that point, the girl said, "Teacher. Do you remember me?"

"What?" I said, confused.

"My name is H_____," she said. "I ... your after-school. Yesterday. Do you remember me?"

I was totally fucking bewildered. This girl is one of my favorite students. I know her name; I know her. She's in my after-school program. There are only about 10 students in my after-school program -- how could I NOT know her?

"I ... of course I remember you!" I said. "You ... you were in my winter camp! In December! I have known you for ..." at this point I counted on my hand. "About six months!"

"Wow," she said. She looked pleased. "You remember me."

"Yes!" I said. "Oh my god. OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU!"

This girl is something of a trip. Not easily forgotten. For example, when the students were creating menus a few weeks ago, she took over her group's menu and created a "menu for monsters" that featured blood as one of the beverages. It won best prize for creativity.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why this girl would think that I wouldn't remember her when I had just seen her yesterday.

I pointed to her leg. "Be careful!" I pleaded.

"Yes," she said.

Eve's Rule for Being an Expat in Korea

2011-05-29T19:17:00.002+09:00

Seems like every blogger in Korea wanted to comment and post their own "rules" to expat life in Korea after reading this silly, innocuous little article by CNNGo: 12 Rules for Expat Life in Korea.

This blog gives a good summary to the response from the K-blogger community.

Here's a great blog post commenting on another K-blogger's blog post. It's hysterical.

A fairly new anonymous blog called "What Would Fucktard Do?" (I think he borrowed his title from the title of my blog) wrote his own rules, too: Fucktard Would Make Up Some Rules. Among them, "Be patient and un-cunty."

The best rule of all of these, of course, is "Don't be a wanker," by Paul Ajosshi.

I would phrase it a little differently.

The rule for being an expat in Korea is the same as the rule for living as a human being anywhere:

Don't be an asshole.

Happy Ending for One of the Crying Students

2011-05-28T12:26:00.002+09:00

A few days ago, I saw one of the girls who had been crying. (She'd been shamed by her music teacher.)

When I saw her this time, however, she was her usual bubbly, talkative self.

"Hello teacher!" she said.

"Hi! How are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm okay! I'm okay! Don't worry, don't worry!" she chirped.

I took her hands. "I WAS worried," I told her.

"Teacher, it's okay! I ..."

At this point, she grabbed her cell phone dictionary and typed something and held it up for me to see.

"I ...." and she pointed to the word. And smiled prettily.

Puberty.

I could not help but laugh; I love this girl. Great perspective.

Suicidal Women In Korea

2011-05-25T11:49:00.008+09:00

Song Ji-Seo, a Korean sports TV personality, just killed herself. The catalyst? A man.

Before anyone starts saying what a psycho she must have been, what a nutjob, how she must have had "other" issues, think about the pressure women are under. To attain impossible beauty. To have the perfect career.

Think about the sexist language behind the words "psycho" and "irrational" and so forth.

Think of a society that tells women they are NOTHING without a man.

And think about how it might hurt to have some guy you're fucking call you "just a friend."

Then multiply that by a BILLION and you have barely touched the surface of what it must be like to be a female Korean in Korea.

I am not Korean; I will not even begin to guess what it must be like. I can only imagine.

I can only imagine it from the stories I hear. My co-teacher suicidal at an error she made. The story of the Korean girl who bashed her head against the door of a guy who'd been messing with her head.

When a male reader read that particular post, he wrote an email that said, "I hope no one is ever so taken by me that they do that to themselves in response to something I did. I would hope they had enough sense of themselves to not want to hurt themselves because I upset them."

And my first thought was: Mister, you don't have the first fucking clue what women will do to themselves.

My second thought: Look at your sexist language, mister. Look at your ego. "taken with you." "sense of themselves." In my opinion and experience, sexism and egos go hand in hand. And it's degrading (and yes, sexist if coming from a man) to consider that a woman who bashes her head against the door of some guy who's messing with her head simply doesn't have a "sense of herself."

It's more complicated than that.

Women starve themselves. Women have their fucking 12-year-old daughters get plastic surgery to look "prettier."

Korean women literally go under the knife.

The message is simple.

Unless you are "beautiful" then you will have no job or man. And, for women, if you don't have a man that means you are pretty much worthless.

This is what women have to fight against.

And this is why I am absolutely saddened when girls and women bully each other instead of build each other up.

It makes sense to bully; destroy your competition in the marketplace.

But it makes such women sad human beings.

Girls: Tears, Blood, Chocolate

2011-05-22T19:35:00.003+09:00

In many ways, last week was just miserable. The weather turned gray and rainy and humid. Sticky.

Tears

One day last week, in one of my favorite classes, I noticed that a girl in the back who is usually all bubbly and talkative wasn't saying a word.

As I walked around and monitored the conversations, I saw that she was silent, simply staring out into nowhere.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

She nodded slowly.

I walked around again, doing my rounds.

The next time I passed her, I finally pulled up a chair and looked at her in her eyes. "OK. What's wrong?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

"Talk to me," I said.

Her head dropped down, her hair became a curtain, and her narrow shoulders heaved with sobs.

I put my arms around her. Stroked her hair. "It's okay," I said. "It's going to be okay."

She sobbed.

And then, I felt myself choke up as well.

This is the kind of shit they don't teach you when you're taking your TEFL course. They don't tell you that sometimes, your young students will cry, and that when you hold them and comfort them, your psyche might become a sponge that soaks in their pain.

I patted the girl on the back, slipped her a piece of chocolate, and let her friends circle her and hug her.

Later, I found out from another student the reason why the girl had been crying. In her previous class, music class, she'd failed a singing test and the teacher had shamed her in front of everyone. Had apparently said vicious things about the girl's singing ability.

I had a sudden urge to go find this music teacher and smash her face in.

Blood

It's towards the end of my after-school class on Thursday. I'm busily writing on the whiteboard when I hear a student say, "Uh ... teacher?"

I turn around, and blood is bursting out of the girl's nose. There is blood everywhere.

I have never seen anything like it.

"Ewwwww!" the other girls wail.

"Girls, stay here!" I order, and then I take the bleeding girl by her forearms and lead her to the bathroom. I turn the water on, and then run to get her tissues.

I go back into the class and tell everyone to go home. The students point out the blood on the desk. "I know, I know," I tell them. "I'll take care of it. Go home. See you tomorrow."

As I'm on my hands and knees, cleaning up the blood, I think to myself, this is another thing they don't tell you in TEFL courses. They don't tell you that at some point in your career, you may be called upon to clean up an adolescent girl's blood.

I go back to the bleeding girl in the bathroom. Rub her shoulders. The nosebleed has subsided. I lead her down to the infirmary and pass her a chocolate.

Later, when I tell one of my co-teachers what happened, she is unimpressed.

"A lot of the girls get the nosebleeds. The girls are very tired," she says.

I am a bit shocked by this statement. Chronic fatigue from too much studying and not enough sleep leads to widespread nosebleeds, and this is considered normal and acceptable?

I am about to search for information on this, but I am overwhelmed; my stomach is in knots. I want to go home. I want a drink. I want to sleep.

As I'm leaving the school that afternoon, I pass by yet another girl wracked with sobs in the hallway.

I know this girl. She's caused multiple problems in my classroom. She's one of the "bad" girls, as my co-teachers say.

Her face is a wild disarray of emotions and she is howling, and two of her friends are huddled close.

I reach into my bag and pull out a chocolate. I walk up to her. The girl sees me and tenses. I poke the chocolate into her hands.

And then I walk home.

Highly Controversial Blog Post

2011-05-02T21:32:00.001+09:00

So, I'm having dinner with a friend last week, and the friend winces when the topic of my blog comes up.

The friend suggests that since I'm a people-pleaser at heart, and certainly don't want to like, offend anyone's delicate sensibilities, oh heavens, no! -- that I might want to write about something like this:

Which is cuter: puppies or kittens?

We are so cute. You want to squeeze us to death, don't you?

Look at how cute we are! We're the cutest! Don't eat us!

I tell you, this is the kind of thing that keeps me UP at night. I mean -- how to choose?!?! Is the puppy cuter than the kitten? OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?!?!?

I can't decide. My female brain refuses to accept so much cuteness; I am simply exploding with all the cuteness of the little furry baby animals.

Since I'm only a girl, and shouldn't really be bothering my pretty little head about such controversial subject matters, I will leave it up to you to decide. Decide for me, and whatever decision you make, that is the one that I will adopt for my own, because I know that I should not form my own opinions about anything.

Not only am I female, but I am also, at this very moment, MENSTRUATING! OMG! Do you know how unstable that makes me? I cannot be trusted to decide if puppies or kittens are cuter! I can't figure it out. I need someone to figure it out for me, and it would be preferable if that decision comes from someone who outranks me.

That would be YOU.

My Girls: Compassion, Empathy, Menstruation

2011-04-26T11:43:00.002+09:00

The new male teacher is starting to make more sense to me. He is envious of me.

"I am envious of you," he says. "The girls speak to you."

The girls speak to you, too, I think to myself. But you don't listen and you don't speak back.

The new male teacher has told me, at great lengths, how "inappropriate" and "rude" he finds their questions.

Except, from a Korean standpoint, the questions are not rude at all. They are, in fact, the opposite of rude. They are signs that the students are trying to get to know him, make him feel welcome, and place him in his proper point in the Korean Chain of Command.

Questions From the Girls That He Finds Rude and Inappropriate

1. Are you married? Do you have a wife or girlfriend?
2. How long have you been married?
3. Do you have any children?
4. How old are you?
5. How long will you stay in Korea?

I myself have been asked those very same questions OVER and OVER again. But I KNOW that these questions are not considered rude in Korea. In fact, the answers are mandatory to achieve connection with a Korean. Koreans must know where you belong in the social structure.

"The Girls Are Able to Talk to You"

Eve is only human and thus, Eve sometimes behaves in a manner which she does not altogether approve of.

"Yes, it's true, they are able to talk to me. I'm outside of the system and plus, I'm a female," I tell him.

"It was very clear the other day that the girls like talking to you," he says.

"Yes, I love talking to them as well. It's great being able to talk to the girls about their menstrual cycles, their boyfriends, when their boyfriends break up with them, their family problems. Sometimes the girls complain that their fathers drink too much. Or that they are on their periods and are having cramps and bloating. I can totally empathize."

The new male teacher tries to recover from my references to menstruation.

He pauses in discomfort. I am sorry to report that I am a tiny bit pleased to have caused him discomfort after the stunts he pulled last week.

He finally says, "When the girls tell you such a personal thing, what is your solution for them?" he asks.

At this, I smile.

"The girls do not require a solution from me," I tell him. "The girls only need my compassion and empathy. The girls only need me to say, 'I understand.'"

Eat the Dog

2011-04-19T22:35:00.003+09:00

So, I'm having a conversation with this dude about adventures in Korean cuisine. Because fish, squid and various unidentifiable sea creatures are served regularly in my school cafeteria, I often have sparse lunches that consist of kimchi and rice. I have a strong type of "allergy" to seafood. Basically, my body rejects it. I have been known to recoil at the sight of silvery thingies in my school cafeteria's mystery stews.

Anyways, we're talking about Korean delicacies, and this dude says, "I'll eat pretty much anything if it's part of the culture where I'm visiting."

And I say, "Have you ever eaten dog?"

Cautiously, this guy answers, "Ummmmmm .... no?"

I say, "Oh my god, you ate dog, didn't you?"

He says, "Yes."

How could you do this to me?

You would probably think that at this point, I start yelling about how barbaric dog-eating is. But, here's the thing -- I love dogs. Of course I love dogs. Who doesn't love that furry animal that shows you an unconditional, pure, needy, shaggy, "I will love you until death parts us, and even then, I will visit your grave" type of affection?

That being said, I see no difference (morally) between eating dogs and eating pigs. And since I eat pork, I can't point any fingers.

I've read articles that seem to show that pigs are super smart. As smart as dogs. As smart as our comrades the chimpanzees. Although I am no zoologist, I assume that there is nothing stopping its brain from feeling pain (or fear).

But I eat them anyway.

How can you eat me? Didn't you read Charlotte's Web?

Morally, I think that killing animals for food is "wrong," (for lack of a better word) mostly because they have brains and feel pain. I have a brain and I feel pain and so I empathize with these animals. Again, though I have not studied the animal kingdom, I do think that ethically, there is a difference between eating a chicken (peck, peck, peck) and eating a dolphin (that's just evil -- have you seen "The Cove"?) I rate eating pigs and dogs at an equal level of "wrongness." I think eating a fellow primate would pretty much make you Hannibal Lector.

But I eat pork, beef and chicken. I do.

I remember a vegetarian friend of mine subtly asking me, "Why?" She said, "I don't understand why people who KNOW it's wrong continue to eat meat."

I winced. "Because it tastes good."

In the end, I think that only strict vegetarians/vegans have any right to wave the moral superiority flag when it comes to people eating dogs.

I've heard that dogs are tasty and there's a lengthy pro-dog eating article written by a Korean that makes a lot sense to me.

That being said, I do not intend to ever try it, ever.

I used to watch reruns of "Lassie" on Nickelodeon.

Snapshots of My Girls

2011-04-14T19:46:00.004+09:00

The Girl On Her Period

I begin every lesson the same way.

Me: "Good morning, class!"

Class: "Good morning, teacher!"

Me: "Nice to SEE you!" (I'm trying to rid them of saying "Nice to meet you" every time they see me.)

Class: "Nice to see you, too!"

Me: "How are you FEELING today?"

Students: "Good!" "Bad!" "So-so!" "Terrible!" "Hungry!" "Sleepy!"

Today, one of my student says, "Stomach ache!"

I walk up to her. When it comes to pain, I am a wimp and I take other people's pain very seriously.

"Stomach ache!" I sympathize. "Do you want to visit the nurse? Medicine?"

"No, no, no," she says. "Uh ... bloated!"

Another student helpfully shouts, "Period!"

The girl says, "Yes, yes, PERIOD!"

Oh, I feel her pain! "PERIOD!" I commiserate. And then I error correct. "Cramps. Not stomach ache. CRAMPS."

"Yes, yes!" she says.

I wish the school gave every girl a year's supply of Midol with their textbooks.

The Girl With the Boyfriend

"I am very angry!" one student says.

"Why are you angry?"

The girl points to her partner. "She ... uh ... has boyfriend ... and she talks about boyfriend ... uh ... EVERY DAY!"

"With her boyfriend?" I say, confused.

"ABOUT her boyfriend!" the angry girl says.

"Yes! Yes! Every DAY!" the rest of the group agrees, vehemently.

"Is this true?" I ask the girl.

"No! No! Lies!" she says.

"No, no, no!" the angry girl says. "Teacher, EVERY DAY!"

"I understand," I say. I make my hand into a sock puppet and adopt a falsetto. "My boyfriend is so cute! My boyfriend just called me! My boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend!"

The girls are laughing like crazy. "YES! YES! EVERY DAY!" they yell.

"Lies! Lies!" the girl with the boyfriend says. But this must be noted: she looks pretty pleased.

Later, she pulls her cell phone out to show me a picture of her boyfriend.

"Cute," I tell her.

"Yes," she says happily.

The Girl With the Mental Illness

Sometimes, when students are really bad, I employ the Korean Shame Technique. I take the offending students to the front of the class, then I switch off the overhead lights and flip on the spotlights, so it suddenly becomes a stage. And then I have them do the speaking exercise while the rest of the class watches in dead silence.

Usually, this works like a charm and they give me no further problems.

I was employing this technique with four students who were being really bad: one of the girls had actually hopped out of her seat and was threatening to hit another girl with her textbook.

When I pulled the group to the front of the class, something awful happened.

Now, sometimes, when I do this, the girls are so uncomfortable that they will hide their faces with their hair (shame).

This particular girl started pulling at her own hair.

My compassion as a person and my frustration as a teacher started to battle. Much like with the bleeding-heart case of the Korean Girl Gone Wild, I simply could not, at that moment, muster up much sympathy. This is ENGLISH class! Girls can't be fighting in ENGLISH class! Girls gotta get ahold of themselves and pay attention and FOCUS, damn it!

But I did not let her breakdown go on for very long. I made her do the exercise and then I directed them all back to their seats.

I watched the girl interact with her group, and it was very, very clear to me that there was a problem. She was agitated and her face was all red, and her hair was going every which way, and I wanted to grab this girl and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

After class, I was going to go and check on her, but my co-teacher intercepted me while the students filed out.

"That girl has a little bit of mental disease, I think," my co-teacher said.

"Yes, I think you are right."

"The other girls like to tease her, and then she likes to fight," my co-teacher continued.

"Oh, poor girl. Does she have a counselor? A therapist?"

"Oh, I don't know," my co-teacher said, and then walked off.

I was dismayed.

The next day, I was relieved to see this very same girl playing catch in the hallways with another girl who, as my co-teacher would put it, has a "little bit of mental disease."

I wish the school gave every girl a year's supply of Xanax with their textbooks.

Damn You, Waygook.org! I Do Not Condone Teen Pregnancy!

2011-04-05T10:59:00.002+09:00

That giggly student I wrote about previously (I think of her as the "We All Die" girl) continues to crack me up.

We are studying "good news" and "congratulations."

Student A relays good news. (e.g. "I got an A+ on my exam!")
Student B says one of the following:

a. Congratulations!
b. I'm very happy for you.
c. Good for you!

I took a bunch of slides off waygook.org to put in my lesson plan. All of them were pictures of "good" news. Unfortunately, I did not look over my PowerPoint carefully enough.

One of the slides had this "good" news:

"We're having a baby!" (Along with a picture of an adult couple cradling a newborn.)

So, one of the students raises her hands and says, "Guess what? We're having a baby!"

My new favorite giggly student breaks out of the script entirely and says, with a great deal of drama, "Oh my GOD! Oh NO! How can you do this? You are only 14 years old!"

She looks truly alarmed, and as she carries on and on, tears fill my eyes. I cannot speak because I'm laughing so hard. She's wonderful. Like an actress in a soap opera.

"No, no, this is just an EXAMPLE!" I tell her. "It is just PRETEND! An EXAMPLE!"

The giggly girl calms down somewhat. "Oh, just an example? Okay, that is good, because she is too young!"

And now, the whole group is frantically trying to explain the rules to me, their clueless teacher, who must be from one of those barbaric nations where it's OK for 14-year-old girls to run around pregnant.

One of my students grabs my arm. "Teacher! Teacher! She must wait for marriage! She cannot have baby!"

By now, I am 100% mortified. I'm covering my face with my hands because I just can't believe this is happening.

Let this be a lesson to me: never just copy and paste from waygook.org.

Eve's Hot Date With English Teacher X

2011-04-02T13:23:00.006+09:00

It was thrilling. Finally, I spent the night with English Teacher X. It was hot. I'm talking REALLY fucking hot.

But not really.

I've written about English Teacher X before (specifically, his views about women), and so I spent the night reading his first book on my laptop.

Thank god herpes is not electronically transmittable.

Teaching English Abroad

English Teacher X's first book is "Guide to Teaching English Abroad: A Practical Guide to Surviving the Perils and Pitfalls of TEFL."

The English Teacher X world is filled with teachers fucking students, teachers getting drunk, teachers teaching while hungover (or drunk), teachers getting screwed over by their language schools, and teachers absolutely struck dumb at being in a new country, having to deal with a new culture with rules of which they have absolutely no clue.

As a former English teacher in Russia and a current teacher in Korea, let me tell you: this is not that far off.

As a practical guide, it's got extremely good advice for novices to the field of TEFL, as well as great ideas for the veteran. For example, there are several chapters on quick-and-easy communicative exercises teachers can conduct when they're in a jam. They were ideas that even I had never heard of. Spoiler: always have some dice handy.

For people who are looking to teach English abroad, there are handy lists of questions to ask potential employers, how to prepare yourself for the worst while hoping for the best, and how to do a midnight run (trust me: there is an art to it).

On Fucking

Once, I wrote on this blog that it seemed like a lot of male teachers I met here in Korea were here for the women. But oh, man, did I hear a mouthful from you menfolk out there! Eve, how DARE you imply such a thing!

Consider this quote from English Teacher X's book:

"Well, you know, let’s face it: plenty of guys have only one reason for going abroad to teach."

I'm going to give you a hint: it's not for the authentic cultural experience.

In his chapter on "How to Spot a Sucky Language School," the last item on the list is: "Something in the contract about how teachers are not allowed to date students." According to English Teacher X, student fucking is a "perk."

Other Benefits of Teaching English Abroad

Notable chapters on this subject include "Teaching Vs. Hairdressing Vs. Prostitution."

The Best Parts of the Book

Some chapters had me bent over, laughing my ass off, tears rolling down my face. Native English teachers in Korea (and in other parts of Asia) will certainly enjoy the chapter on "Asian Culture and You." His chapter on "Making the Fuckers Talk" also provides some excellent advice on how to make shy students open their mouths and let the English language flow.

All in all, it's a good book on TEFL, and I would definitely recommend it to both current teachers and those thinking about teaching abroad. English Teacher X knows his shit about how to teach English effectively. He explains the communicative method in an extremely simple, hands-on fashion.

He also seems to know quite a bit about whores and student fucking, and on this, I have no further comment at this time.

You can buy it on Amazon.com (Kindle) here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004SOYD70

or at Barnes & Noble.

or in every format known to mankind on Smashwords.

Foreign Men and Korean Women: Episode Six

2011-03-29T14:28:00.005+09:00

Addressing Your Concerns

Diligently, I waded through your comments. I saw lovely stories of people leaping to the defense of their past relationships with people who "couldn't speak English very well." I think that you're the minority, though.

Honestly, from my own personal experience in life, I stand by what I said:

If a MAN is in a relationship with a WOMAN and the WOMAN does not speak the MAN's native tongue AT ALL (meaning, she can say only things like "yes," "no" and "nice to meet you,") then I think in almost EVERY case, the WOMAN is being EXPLOITED by that MAN. and THAT makes him a fucking douche bag.

If that is not YOUR experience, and you and I think differently, then there is simply no point in arguing you or debating this with you. This is why I don't discuss theism or politics with people in polite company. It just turns into a shouting match. If you and I fundamentally believe different things, then there is no room for debate.

Plus, no one ever has changed their mind due to being screamed at.

Getting Another Opinion

So, you know, people who know me read my blog, and the handful of close, personal female friends I have read it and said, "Yeah, of course, that's a no-brainer."

As it so happens, I am in contact with a person who is an academic. She studied feminism and racial studies in college (as did I, though I did not receive my degree in those areas). And what she said is what I think as well: you do not want to hear anything that goes against what you believe about women, race or patriarchy.

Judgments

A lot of the comments had to do with the fact that I thought the guy in question was a "nice guy" until I learned that his girlfriend "barely spoke English." Here's what I think when I think of someone who can barely speak English: I think of someone who can say "yes," "no" and "nice to meet you."

I offer you this: many of you leapt to the conclusion that Eve is a racist, bigoted person who doesn't know jack shit about anything. So, yeah -- I'm judgmental. You are, too.

My opinion about the situation has not changed (see above).

Relationships

One of you wrote about the love that existed between you and people with whom you could not verbally communicate. That is not the same as a romantic relationship, and you know it.

What I Should and Should Not Write

A couple of you indicated that I might be better served by writing a diary and hiding it under my mattress. I don't think so. I will write whatever the hell I feel like writing, thank you very much.

Blogging Is Episodic

Look in the mirror when you're talking about leaping to conclusions. Do you know what I've written about men and feminism and race? No? I didn't think so.

What If It Was a Female Dating a Korean Man Who Couldn't Speak English?

Ladies, good luck with that. Seriously. You probably know that Western society is a patriarchy and Korean society is a patriarchy, and if you want to take on that kind of a relationship, be my guest. I really don't care. My interest is in exposing exploitation of women. If you are a woman who does not feel exploited, then you should not bother with what is said by me (if you feel somehow that I have attacked you or your loving relationship).

What about YOUR relationship? You know the answers, I think. Deep down, you know. You don't need anyone to tell you. Least of all me.

Are You a Douchebag If You Date Someone With Whom You Have Trouble Communicating?

You are not automatically a douchebag, no.

Are You a Douchebag If You Are a Man Dating a Woman Who Can Only Say "Yes," "No," and "Nice to Meet You"?

Yep, probably you are.

And finally, a few people wrote that when they BEGAN long-term relationships with significant others, the language barrier was such that people such as myself might think, "Gross, what an asshole." But, the story-tellers went on, later on in the relationships, language fluency improved.

I have to say, that was the one and only thing that I had not taken into consideration beforehand. I am actually quite taken by those stories. It sounds quite beautiful, actually. I'm glad that you took the time and I'm glad that you didn't turn out to be a douche bag.

But, look around you. Just look.

When a woman cannot verbally express herself to her partner, that leaves her open to even more exploitation, and I don't understand why some of you don't get this.

If you do not live in a world where you acknowledge patriarchy and sexism and racism, then we simply cannot communicate, you and I. You must go do your own work, and (as so many of you reminded me), I must go do mine.

One More Thing

Is this really worth it to you? I mean, is it really, really worth it? If you're so outraged by what I say and you just can't stand to see ignorance and hatred in the world ... go donate your time, and your money somewhere. Write letters to politicians. Do something else. But attack me on my blog? That's kinda lame. I don't attack people on their personal blogs and I try to refrain from engaging in pissing matches on other people's blogs out of respect for the blogger.

Maybe one day I'll write about an issue I had with a blogger who used a racial slur in her blog. I'm talking, she used THE biggest racial slur of ALL TIME. I commented politely and asked her to rethink her use of the word. We disagreed but I did not insult her and she did not insult me, but I will no longer read her blog. There was no use in trying to explain it to someone who just did not get it. Nor will I publish the link because, frankly, I don't want her to get more attention than she deserves.

If you think that way about me, then fucking THINK about the previous paragraph before you start sending my link out to your angry armies. Damn bullies.

And Now Back to My Life

I hope I've addressed your concerns to your satisfaction, but most probably, I have not. You may move on now. Back to your circle jerk. Back to your little cliques. Nothing new to see here. And besides, I'm going to be a bit busy for a few days. I have a HOT DATE. With this new book I've been meaning to read ....

Foreign Men and Korean Women: Episode Five

2011-03-27T20:45:00.003+09:00

Addressing the Angry Mob

After I wrote my last piece in this series, I got a string of comments. Most of them were written by women who were in (or had been) in relationships with Korean men. Some of them were written by men. Some of them were quite vicious in personally attacking me. Some of them were very well-thought out arguments with valid points that deserve to be addressed. I can't address every single one of them right now, although I do think it's a worthwhile project to take on.

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought that particular post would stir up, as one of my friends called it, such a shit storm.

So, while I copy and paste all the comments over the next week or so and attempt to address each valid point, let me offer up this in the meantime:

Dear Angry Mob,

Wow! You look so angry! Those pitchforks and torches are making me nervous.

What I find most distasteful from some of you in the crowd is that while you were busy attacking me for having negative assumptions about the man in the relationship I spoke of (and sympathy for the women in the relationship), you yourself made some damning assumptions about both me and the couple in question.

For example, most (if not all) of you assumed that the man in question is white.

In some certain comments posted by a particularly angry female blogger, I was called:

"insulting" - since the author assumed that I think that all Korean women are "helpless little flowers."
"ugly"
"confused"
"ethnocentric"
"incapable of basic reasoning"
"in a foreigner bubble"
"nasty"
"here to serve my year" (I assume by "serve" she meant "spend my time here unhappy")

For some reason, she also accused me of writing semi-hateful comments on her blog, when I in fact have done no such thing. I always commented on her blog with compassion. I think she may have mixed me up with someone else.

Some blogger dude wrote, "Kindly refrain from assuming things about my relationship with my wife." I don't even know what the hell that means. I don't even know this guy. Is this his way of saying his wife barely speaks English?

The main problem, I think, is that there are apparently a lot of people out there who think that having a relationship with someone with whom you cannot verbally communicate is pretty much never an exploitation of someone in that relationship.

Another main problem, I think, is that whenever I, as a foreign woman in Korea (and, indeed, as a woman, period) make any type of statement about sensitive issues, people think that I have no business writing about them at all (much less actually having -- gasp! -- a fucking opinion about them).

So, to give you a bit more insight into me, let me tell you the following:

1. What I love most about Korea is the Koreans. What I love least about Korea is asshole foreigners.
2. I do not keep myself entirely in a foreign bubble. I have female Korean friends. We've discussed, at length, the problem of douche bag foreigners (mostly teachers) in Korea. Because it IS a fucking problem.
3. Just last night, I met a Korean woman and we talked for an hour about relationships and men. In her experience, too many of the foreign men she meet are "losers" who had no game at home.
4. What I think when I hear the phrase "barely speaks English" -- I mean a person with a level of proficiency in the beginner or false beginner stage.
5. Guess what? I have not only female foreign friends, Korean friends and, in fact, WHITE MALE FRIENDS who think the exact same thing as I do.
6. I have male friends. Shocker: I have WHITE male friends, too. I don't think ALL men are dirtbags. One of my very best friends on earth is a guy I have known for more than a decade and I would trust him with my life, and he is married to a beautiful woman who is also one of my very best friends on earth.
7. I have foreign male friends here in Korea. Men I have truly grown to care about. Men who are NOT dirtbags.

Let Me Tell You This Story of a Foreign Man and a Korean Woman

A few months ago, I was at a dinner, and one of the guys there told me that he'd decided to stay an extra year in Korea because of his Korean girlfriend.

Because my mouth runs away with me sometimes, even in polite company, I was horrified to find this coming out of my mouth: "Does she speak English?" (I knew, you see, that he could "barely speak Korean.")

Instead of being all angry and defensive and offended, the dude laughed. "Of course she speaks English!" he said. "What do you think I am, one of those assholes who would date a woman who could only say 'yes,' 'no,' and 'nice to meet you?'"

And Another, Much Less Heart-Warming Story of a Foreign Man and a Korean Woman

A friend of mine who taught here in Korea a few years ago, knew a foreign guy who was with a woman who did not have great English skills. He jerked his Korean girlfriend around, behaved like a typical douche bag, and then, finally, he stopped speaking to her altogether and refused her calls and ignored her texts and emails. Yes, this is the fashion in which he attempted to dump her.

The Korean woman showed up at the foreigner building he lived in, and proceeded to bang on his door and scream for him to come out. Too cowardly to face her, he ignored her.

The woman began to bash her head against the door, while the other foreigners stood and watched. I don't know if anyone tried to assist her.

She banged her head on his door until finally she collapsed in the hallway, her head a bloody mess.

Finally, one of the other foreigners called up the boyfriend in question and told him something along the lines of, "Be a man and come out here."

And so he did, and off to the hospital they went.

More About Me and My Ideas of Feminism

I really believe that women ought to look out for one another. There were many commentators on my last blog post who apparently do not believe that AT ALL. I really think that women should stick together. But I know now that this is totally delusional on my part. Women will not stick together. Some women will continue to insult me, talk down to me, bully me, mock me, and do everything they can to make me feel like me and my opinions are totally worthless.

I wonder how much of this is your own sexism. Would you females out there have talked to me like that if I were a man?

A lot of people took issue with the fact that I am judgmental. You are, too. If you are human, you are judgmental, even if you think you're not.

A couple of people called me racist. Guess what? We all are, to some extent. But I can assure you, that my sympathy towards the woman in question and my disdain for the man in question have little to do with the fact that we're in Korea. I will almost always take the woman's side.

Korean Women Have More to Lose

So many of the female commentators felt that the situation is exactly the same if it's a foreign woman and a Korean man. I disagree with all my heart. Korean women have more to lose (in terms of pregnancy, STDs and shame). A typical Korean woman with a traditional family is taking MUCH MORE of a risk in having a relationship with a foreign man. Do you know how many dirtbags I met in Korea who said that if they got a Korean girl pregnant, they'd change their names and flee the country? I met three.

It is my very strong belief that two people must be able to communicate in order to have a meaningful relationship. Someone in last post's thread wondered if I thought that deaf-mute people cannot have meaningful relationships. Jesus, some of you people must think I'm really fucking stupid. I mean, COME ON!

Why did so many of you project your obvious hatred of foreigners with opinions onto me? Why did so many of you try to personalize this and make it all about you? Why did you scream at me about my judgments and assumptions, when you did the exact same fucking thing to me in my comment box?

Sounds like projection to me. Sounds like a lot of misplaced anger. Sounds like a lot of your own insecurities. Why the fuck do you care what I think anyways?

Don't insult me. Don't insult my intelligence. It makes you look bad. It makes me not want to take you seriously. For example, there were some comments with valid points and counter-arguments, but if they included an insult or assumption directed towards me, I'm less inclined to take that person's points seriously at all.

As one of my fellow bloggers recently wrote, I am NOT in your little expat cliques. And I'm not part of your K-blog circle jerk. Read what I have to say if you want. Comment if you want. If you really want to, comment with a negative opinion, but do NOT fucking insult me. I won't stand for it. I will not stand being bullied, especially by clique-y K-bloggers who know that I am, in fact, pretty much a nobody.

If you don't like my blog, what I have to say, or think that what I write is stupid, then don't fucking read it! Move the fuck on!

And One Last Anecdote

One of my male friends (who I adore) here in Korea was dating a Korean woman for awhile. Recently, I asked how it was going. He said, "You know, the thing is, her English isn't that good and communication is really difficult. I don't think it's going to work out. And, I don't want to be one of THOSE guys."

Foreign Men and Korean Women: Episode Four

2011-03-25T01:13:00.004+09:00

Episode Four: A Conversation With Three Other Foreigners

It was a fairly typical night. Me and a few of my friends were having dinner and one of those huge pitchers of shitty Korean beer. Inevitably, the conversation turned to one of our favorite subjects: douche bag foreign men.

The Nice Guy Who Turned Into a Dirtbag In Less Than a Minute

"You guys know ____, right?" this one teacher said.

Yeah, of course we know him, we all said. Helluva nice guy. Murmurs of approval. We all like this guy, we think he's super smart, super nice, just a really awesome guy.

"You know he has a Korean girlfriend, right?" this one teacher said.

Yeah, of course we know that. Common knowledge. Many of the guys we know have hooked up with or gotten Korean girlfriends. Word has gotten around that this particular girlfriend is just super sweet and they make a lovely couple.

"Yeah, he really loves her. It's so sweet. She can barely speak English, though. I don't know how they communicate," this one teacher says.

Dead silence.

We are fucking stunned.

Female Heads Explode as This New Information is Downloaded Into Our Brains

Our shouts of disapproval blended in to one large, angry female voice:

"Come on! How do you THINK they 'communicate'?" I said sarcastically, my fingers doing air quotes.

The mob mentality continued:

"Oh, no, no, no! Motherfucker!"
"DIRT BAG!!!!!"
"Oh, you have got to be KIDDING ME?!?!"
"No! Not _____! Not him! NO!!!"
"I knew it! I knew it! All dirt bags, all of 'em, they're all the exactly the fucking same!"
"DAMN HIM! That's all men want, isn't it? They want a doll that doesn't say anything back. I can't BELIEVE he pulled this shit! I thought he was a nice guy."
"I'm really disappointed in him."

This One Teacher Tries to Soothe Angry Female Wounds

This one teacher says, "Look, I'm telling you, it's love. He really loves her."

My female comrades takes a moment to ponder this, but I don't need a moment.

"Maybe you believe in some weird sort of 'transcendental love' that surpasses words and language and, oh, I don't know, THE ABILITY TO ACTUALLY HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION!" I said, practically frothing at the mouth. "That is fairy-tale bullshit!"

*************************************
Update (September 2011): Please read Episode Five: Addressing the Angry Mob of Commentators and Episode Six: Addressing Your Concerns

My First Night In Korea (Five Scenes)

2011-03-20T18:14:00.005+09:00

Scene One: A Typical Frat Boy in Korea

It was my first night in Korea. I was hanging out with a big group of people in a bar. On one side of the bar, I could hear this one young dude bragging about how many Korean girls he was going to fuck.

"I hear Korean girls are FREAKS!" he yelled. "I'm going to have so many threesomes here."

He was sitting across the table, a few people over. I leaned in to the girl next to me and pointed. "That guy is a fucking loser," I said.

The guy sitting directly across from me looked straight at me, amused. "Don't judge," he said. (A few weeks later, this charming young man would post this as his Facebook status: Reminder to self, do not shit where you eat. That's when I unfriended him).

Scene Two: A Typical European in Korea

There were maybe 15 or 20 of us at that bar that night, half of us against the wall. The other half were in chairs on the other side of the tables. The tables were pushed together. At some point, it was decided that we needed to push some of the tables away from each other, to create pathways so the people sitting against the wall could leave easily to go the bathroom (before that, it was the whole crawling under the table/over people bit).

I had been sitting next to this guy, and we'd been talking (about what, I cannot remember). What I remember is this: with the new pathway created, me and my conversation pal had been separated.

"Oh no!" I said, dismayed. "Now you're so far away!"

He rolled his eyes and said, "We're not THAT far apart," and I was instantly aware of how I had sounded. I was instantly aware of what I had said, and how he had taken it, and I tell you, I was so embarrassed.

Scene Three: The Next Day

The next day, I spotted two people that I'd been conversing with the previous night. I saw them in the cafeteria. Upon seeing them, I was so happy to see familiar faces in a sea of foreigners. I waved and grinned enthusiastically.

One of them fake smiled me.

The other one totally ignored me.

I tell you, I felt so much like a little girl, the new girl, alone, wanting so much to be friends that people could smell my vulnerability and veered away out of reflex and disgust.

Scene Four: About a Month Later

I'm talking with a friend of mine back home about my social anxiety. "We bonded so much during Orientation!" I said. "We were like, we're going to be such good friends! Was it all just alcohol? Was it all just bullshit?"

My friend said, bluntly, "It was all bullshit."

Scene Five: Today

A dear friend of mine told me that she knew of this old dog and the dog's owner did not heed the advice of fellow dog owners, which was: keep the dog inside. Because other dogs can smell death and they do not like it.

The dog died, and when my friend asked how, the dog owner said, "He went out the way he'd have wanted to!"

And my friend thought, "HOW? By getting attacked by five angry dogs?"

I feel that dog's pain.

Fuck You, Google Translator! 닥쳐.

2011-03-18T10:41:00.007+09:00

For reasons that elude me (except for the ongoing hormonal/menstrual issues that plague my middle-school girls), one of my classes was really bad yesterday.

They were chattering in Korean. They refused to respond to basic commands like "Be quiet." I did my glare-down/shame thing. None of them responded.

"GIRLS!" I shouted. "What is going ON?"

One of the girls (who could actually hear me over the roar of the classroom) told me, happily, "I don't know! They're crazy!"

Google Translator: I Hate You

I opened up Google Translator, and the entire web page was viewable on the wall that faced the class.

Here is what I wrote:

Do you want me to call the vice principal into this class? To yell at you?

Google Translator spat out: 당신은 내가이 클래스에 교감 선생님 한테 전화하시겠습니까? 에게 소리치지?

"No! No!" the girls shrieked. The class began quieting down. I was satisfied I had gotten my point across.

But, just in case, I wrote this:

then shut up.

Google translated it to 그럼 닥쳐.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me

The girls screamed in hysterics, and then began LAUGHING. They fell over their desks, laughing their asses off. I looked at them in confusion.

One of the high-level girls, her face quite pink, choked out: "Teacher! That is ... bad word! Bad word in Korean!"

"No," I said in disbelief.

She hurried up to me. "Teacher, it is like, 'You son of a bitch!'" she said in a loud whisper.

"Oh my god, oh my god," I said. Is 닥쳐 a curse word to ALL Koreans, or just to these adolescent Korean girls (who, after all, go to a conservative private school)?

There was no time to figure it out; I covered my face as the tables turned.

"No! No! Oh my god, oh my god," I panicked.

"Teacher! Calm down! Calm down! It is okay!" the girl said.

"No, no, no!" I yelled. "Oh my god! Please don't tell the vice principal!" I begged.

"Do not worry! Do not worry! It is okay!" she said. She rushed back to her chair.

One girl, who had been quiet thus far, spoke up and shouted something in Korean at the class. The class, for some reason, shut up.

But me? I never did regain control.

"Next Year We All Die"

2011-03-15T10:47:00.003+09:00

Key Phrase for Today's Lesson: "What are you planning to do next year?"

Me: "For example, I am planning a trip to Europe next year.

"How about you? What are you planning to do next year?"

Giggly Middle-school Korean girl: "Next year .... the earth destroyed and so I .... no plans because I die!"

Me: (silently) OMG.

I do not have the heart to tell her that actually, it's not 2012, but just a few months from now (someone sent me a link claiming the end is so nigh it's actually May 21, 2011).

Me: (out loud, error correcting) "Next year, the earth WILL BE destroyed."

Giggly Middle-school Korean girl: "Yes!"

Me: (out loud) "Please repeat! 'Next year, the earth WILL BE destroyed.'

Giggly Middle-school Korean girl: "Next year, the earth will be destroyed and we all die!"

Me: "Next year, the earth will be destroyed and we will all die."

Giggly Middle-school Korean girl: (enthusiastically) Yeah!

Me: (forgetting to error correct) You make me very sad.

Giggly Middle-school Korean girl: (touches my arm) "Teacher! Do not be sad! Happy time! Happy death!"

Me: "I hope for a quick death."

The whole class nods and murmurs, "Yes, yes."

Giggly Middle-school Korean girl: "Yeah! Quick! Fast! No sad time! Happy time! High five!"

Me: (silently) OMG

Me: (gives her a high five)

Later, After Class ...

I'm sitting there, gathering up my things, and the girl comes up to me.

"Teacher, you know about Japan?"

"Yes. Terrible news."

"Teacher, do not be sad. We all die!"

"Yes, I know," I say, thinking to myself: Yes, we're all gonna die. But really, you don't have to look so goddamn cheerful about it.

Paying Homage to Ketut Liyer in Ubud, Bali

2011-02-03T23:47:00.003+09:00

While I was in Bali, I spent some time in Ubud, a really pretty little town filled with all this great stuff: artists, great Balinese houses, statues, nice people.

Note: I hesitated before posting this, not wanting to be one of "those women" who are on Eat, Pray, Love pilgrimages, but who am I kidding? I loved the book. I wanted to meet the man.

Anyways, here's my story of meeting Ketut Liyer, famous medicine man.

10:15 AM: I arrive with my driver. The house is gorgeous. Ketut Lyer is right there on his porch, working on someone. The place is packed -- about half foreign, half locals. People are draped over chairs, on mats, all over the place. In a hushed voice, I ask a foreigner if I'm supposed to take a number or something -- it was a joke -- but it turns out, I DID need to take a number. There are plastic numbers on a hook. My number is 24. Number 16 is just finishing up.

11:45 AM: My driver (who's been chatting with the locals) explains to me that today is a special Balinese holiday, and that it's going to be awhile. He offers to take me to some artists colonies. So, off we go. I buy a pretty little abstract painting at one of the places. We go to a silver jewelery-making shop and the earrings are so pretty, I can't help it -- I buy some more. We head back to the medicine man's place.

12:45 PM: The line has barely moved. Ketut Liyer is performing some type of ritual over a child. The ritual involves ringing bells and water.

1:30 PM: My driver takes me to a place for lunch.

2:30 PM: Back to Ketut Liyer's. I wait.

4:30 PM: Finally, it's my turn. I'm excited. I have seen foreigners come and go all day. Some of them see the line and decide to come back tomorrow. Some of them just want to see Ketut Liyer and take pictures of him. I approach the famous porch and take my seat next to the man.

4:40 PM: Ketut Liyer has gotten into a LONG conversation with my taxi driver. I absolutely cannot figure out what they're talking about. "We talk Balinese," my driver tells me, smiling, and they continue chatting. Finally, the medicine man turns to me.

What follows is pretty much what I was promised in this cynical Ketut Liyer meeting article on the Lonely Planet website. I get the beautiful greeting I have been waiting for: "Nice to meet you, I'm very happy to meet you, my English not so good!" He compliments me on my beauty, tells me that the two vertical lines that are now permanently creasing the area between my eyebrows show that I am very intelligent, and he says I am "like a queen."

He asks me to show him my ears. He asks me what I do for a living. I tell him I'm a teacher and he says, "Sorry my English is not good!" but I tell him it's great.

A few minutes later, he tells me I'm going to live to 100 and I involuntarily say, "THAT long?" I guess he's not used to seeing people who are actually dismayed at the thought of living to 100. He looks up in surprise. "It's not so long!" says, smiling.

He continues looking at my palm, asks me if I'm married, and when I say I'm not, Ketut stops dead in his tracks. "What! Why you no married?"

OMG, I think. Am I now DOOMED to get this question over and over again?

"I don't know," I tell him.

He is very concerned. "No husband?! Have children?"

"No," I tell him.

"No husband! No children! How old are you?"

I tell him how old I am. He is, frankly, aghast.

"Why you have no husband?" he asks.

I'm too stunned to be anything but ... well, stunned. I make direct eye contact and I tell him, honestly, "I have no idea." (But inside, I'm thinking: hey, you've got my palm -- you tell me!)

After that's all finished, he asks me what I do for a living, even though I've told him already and then with a great sadness I realize that either a) Ketut Liyer is working WAY too hard, and all of us Westerners have just blended into one or b) his marbles are rolling around with uncertainty.

He goes back to my palm and says he sees one marriage, very strong, will last for the rest of my life. "REALLY?" I say. It is with a certain amount of incredulity, you see -- I personally think that the odds of me ever getting married are pretty fucking slim.

He looks up and seems to think this is funny, and he says, "Yes! One husband! Very strong marriage!"

On impulse, I ask him, "What about children?" He looks at my palm and says I'll have two. "REALLY!? TWO?!?" I say, and he keeps looking up at me in surprise whenever I say something like that.

And this is the part that I kept ruminating on for the rest of the day. Ketut's accent was pretty thick and I didn't get all of it. And so I will never know what he actually said. But right before my session ended (he checked my legs for arthritis and my back for lotus patterns) he said one of the following:

"No husband, no children, no sad!" Which, I guess would mean he's telling me, "Don't be sad because you have no husband or children. It's OK -- you will!"

OR, he said this:

"No husband, no children, no sane." Which, I guess would mean, "You're a psycho chick FOR SURE, but don't worry, as soon as you get married, you won't be so crazy." Or, it could have meant, "If you don't get married and have children, you will remain insane." Sad face!

During the day, I witnessed some really crazy shit: a foreigner who kept asking, "When will he wake up?" when Ketut was taking a nap, and a group of loud English people who were like, "Where IS he? Is he going to come OUT?" when someone pointed out to him that uh, he was right there, yeah, that old guy in the dirty blue T-shirt, that's him.

There was one young girl there with her boyfriend, and she spoke to him like she was about to undergo a serious religious experience, and I felt like telling her: please, please, don't take it so seriously.

All in all, it was a good experience. The whole day, I kept looking around the gardens and his large patio, vaguely remembering how much time Elizabeth Gilbert spent there, and anyone could see how seductive it was -- the lush gardens, the rain dripping from the trees. I did wonder, however, how she got around Ubud by bicycle, when it seemed very clear to me that those narrow roads are glorified death traps.

Foreign Men and Korean Women: Episode Three

2011-01-18T00:01:00.002+09:00

Episode Three: A Conversation With Another American Teacher (Female)

My American friend who has been here for a few years says, "I think men and women come to Asia for different reasons. A lot of the foreign male teachers are here because of an Asian fetish. In Europe, foreign men and women are both more on the same page: they go for adventure, romance."

"Here," she says, "It seems like most of the foreign men want Korean girlfriends. Some foreign women date Korean men, but more commonly, it's the other way around. Women see Korea as an adventure. They come here for the money and for the culture."

"But," she says, "A lot of the guys come here just to get laid."

I say, "Every time I see some guy who would be a total loser back home, holding hands with a gorgeous Korean girl, I just want to punch someone."

My friend nods. "It really doesn't bother me anymore. But I've been here for years. You get used to it."

Foreign Men and Korean Women: Episode Two

2011-01-17T15:21:00.002+09:00

Episode Two: A Conversation With Several Korean Women

I am having lunch with several female teachers from my school. All of them except two are fluent in English.

One of them (predictably) asks me, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

I tell her, "The foreign men here are children. Impossible."

She smiles and laughs.

I ask her, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No," she says.

"How about the rest?" I ask, gesturing to the other five Korean women at the table.

"No, none of us," she says.

I am shocked. Each one of these Korean women are the epitome of Korean beauty: they are beautiful, thin and well-dressed. They're all in their late 20s or early 30s. I can't believe they're all single.

"Why?" I ask incredulously.

"I think," she says, "Men are the same everywhere."

We give each other knowing smiles.

Foreign Men and Korean Women: Episode One

2011-01-16T11:42:00.002+09:00

Episode One: A Conversation With a Korean Woman

I'm having a conversation with one of my Korean co-teachers. She is in her late 20s, drop-dead gorgeous, super sweet, super smart.

She says to me, "I have a good friend, American teacher. He is a good guy. But every time I see him, he has a new Korean girl.

"I talk to the girls in Korean, so he can't understand. I tell them, 'Don't you know you are the 17th girl he's brought here?'

"The girl always says, 'I don't care. I'm curious.'

She continues, "In Korean, we have a saying. I think you have one in U.S. as well. I tell them, 'Wake up, girl!'"

My co-teacher goes on, "What will happen to the girl if she gets pregnant or disease? What if her parents find out? All the girls he brings are very young, university students."

"I think," she concludes, "Eighty percent of the foreign men are here for physical with Korean girls."

I tell her, "I think it's higher. I think it's more like 90 percent."

My co-teacher shakes her head.

"If only I had a gun," she says.

Bullying in School

2010-10-21T13:07:00.002+09:00

I don't know why, but this idea just popped into my head today: I bet some kids who have been bullied to death have also had teachers not just look the other way, but actually be involved in the bullying.

I've been watching the "It Gets Better" campaign on YouTube. My favorites so far are of a guy named Calvin and the one of Joel Burns, a city councilman in Texas. Incredibly brave men.

Bullying gay kids (and kids perceived to be gay) is a particularly despicable, evil, hateful act. But kids kill themselves over the old-fashioned type of bullying, too: not just for being gay, but for standing out in any way.

You probably remember Phoebe Prince. She killed herself after months of her classmates calling her an "Irish whore."

In a single school in Ohio, there were multiple suicides: a Croatian girl who was called "slutty" killed herself. So did a boy who had a learning disability.

Of all the teachers these kids had, I wonder how many of them had Facebook accounts.

I wonder how many of them posted stuff like "the whole class was pointing and laughing - I laughed too, 'cause it was like, SO FUCKING FUNNY! the kid is a LOSER!"

I have no patience for this type of shit. None.

I. Am. Done.

If you think it's funny to make fun of kids -- if you think it's funny to make fun of them on Facebook -- then you and I have nothing left to say to each other. I. Am. Done.

You are TEACHERS.

I don't care if you are teaching English in the U.S., England, Korea or on the fucking moon.

You are a fucking teacher.

There is a high suicide rate in Korea, too. Yeah - kids can be little assholes. But if they are being tormented by their peers then you have an obligation to do something about it. And if you think it's funny to join in on the laughter when someone is making fun of another kid - then I feel sickened by you.

Grow the fuck up.

Is HubPages a Scam?

2009-08-15T15:26:00.003+09:00

There are some respected writers out there who have made money on HubPages. I myself have not. So, I'm throwing in the towel on this one.

Here's why I'm not publishing on HubPages anymore:

18 articles. 347 page views. Revenue = zero.
HubPages splits Adsense revenue 60/40 with writers. Sort of. Here's the thing: Every single time, in the past week, when I've checked the properties of RELEVANT ads on my HubPages, it's shown the HubPages ID for Adsense. Every time I've checked the properties of IRRELEVANT ads on my articles, guess whose ID it's been? Yep. Mine. I am going to sorta give HubPages the benefit of the doubt on this one, and chalk it up to an unfortunate coincidence. My gut, however, refuses to let go of it, and will not let me publish any more on HP.

Here is information on legitimate work from home jobs.
Since eHow's WCP program is no more, I'd say it's time we all gave up on the rev-share sites. We all ought to write for up-front pay and create our own websites instead.